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Going to a wedding alone...

(86 Posts)
Shizam Wed 12-Apr-17 21:38:50

Starting to dread it. A very old friend has asked me to her daughter's wedding. It's a huge one, involves a two-day stay, miles from home and I will be there as billy no-mates. Really only know the immediate family who will, of course be busy. Most of the guests will be far younger than me. Starting to have palpitations about the prospect of it all. Has anyone else faced this successfully?

rosesarered Wed 12-Apr-17 22:07:03

Quite a bit of the time will be taken up with the service,then go and have a drink and sit down while the photographs are taken then the reception. You will be placed with other people and everyone will have to talk to each other.Take your Kindle for any quiet moments.If there is an evening disco type thing, what we did, was show our faces for half an hour, then sneak off to the hotel, nobody will know.
If it's something you have to do ( for your friend) then it's a duty thing, but there is a possibility that you will enjoy some of it at 🍀

Rigby46 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:17:20

No I haven't faced this but couldn't read and run. You say this is a very old friend and it's lovely you've been invited - on MN most wedding threats are all about people not being invited grin. What I would do is ring your friend and just say what you've told us - that it's lovely to be invited to share this special day but you are just a bit apprehensive about not knowing people. Are you staying in a hotel before the wedding? Would any of the other guests be staying there? You could even ask if the seating plans have been done and would anyone you are sitting with be at the hotel? After the wedding I'm sure it will be fine - people are generally kind and happy at weddings - I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your friend and her dd haven't thought about you and have some strategy to make you feel comfortable. It is easy to talk to strangers at weddings - there's the easy easy first question of 'are you friends of the bride or groom' and then you're away, how they met them, where have they travelled from, how nice their outfit is - hope it all woks out for you and it's a lovely wedding.

Rigby46 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:18:19

Threats= threads ( Freudian slip?)

merlotgran Wed 12-Apr-17 22:22:32

Isn't it a bit unusual to invite somebody to a wedding without a +1, especially knowing what it involves?

Jayanna9040 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:26:54

Yes I've been to several weddings by myself, it's really not a problem. You'll have a seat at the ceremony and at the meal, usually with at least one other person on their own. The chat is all about the wedding and how you know the people involved. The evening dancing bit can be a bit awkward but you can always excuse yourself a bit early.
Do go. You're friend will be pleased and you never know who you might meet!!!

Anniebach Wed 12-Apr-17 22:45:17

I hive been to many on my own, the day will go quickly, the bride and groom the centre of attention, service, photographs, reception - all those speeches , evening do you may be in enjoyable company, if you are bored you can leave early, enjoy x

Shizam Wed 12-Apr-17 22:58:14

Thank you!!
Yes, Merlotgran, plus one would have been more diplomatic, don't have a partner though. So guess that's why invite was just sad old me.
My negative brain is seeing a sea of happy couples my age, all happily still together after 30 years, then a sea of gorgeous young people, living it up. And then me, an awkward weirdo in the corner.
Jayanna, glad I'm not alone in going to events like this alone. I actually went to my friend's, mother of bride, wedding alone. But that was when I was young and didn't have this fear of being judged for being on my own. Actually, I probably did have it even then, but youth does make you braver and more hopeful.
And, yes, Rigby, it is lovely that she has asked me. I'm one of the last memories, as it were, of her past, as all her original family are dead. Maybe I will ask if there any other singles I can chat with.
So will be brave and go it alone. Eek!

Jayanna9040 Wed 12-Apr-17 23:04:13

I've never been to one where I was the only single person. We're the fastest growing group in Britain. Wear the badge with pride! grin

Anniebach Wed 12-Apr-17 23:07:25

Why should you be judged for being in your own? Unless you intend dancing in a table? all eyes will be on the newly weds, you will not be the only unaccompanied guest , enjoy it

Rigby46 Wed 12-Apr-17 23:09:59

Oh Shizam 'weirdo in the corner* , ' being judged for being in my own' - honestly, people are much much nicer than this- honestly. DH and me do rather 'adopt' people on their own in social situations. They are probably thinking that they just want a bit of peace and this annoying couple won't leave them alone but anyway we kidnap them and make them sit with us and have met lovely people that way. Another thing to remember with some couples is they are absolutely longing to have someone else rather than just each other to talk to for a change and so will welcome your company grin

Shizam Wed 12-Apr-17 23:22:10

Think this is going to be a big old test of my confidence post marriage demise, loss of dog, empty nest syndrome etc. Have been living in a bubble. Not good. Need to get a grip. Went halfway across the world on my own when young. Now I'm stressing about a wedding 200 miles away just cos I can't turn up as 'a couple'. I am my own person!
Thank you for your support. Means a lot.

Anniebach Wed 12-Apr-17 23:28:40

But you are a whole person, go on, charm them X

Shizam Wed 12-Apr-17 23:42:09

Yes, Annie, it's easy to forget that. Thank you. The couple thing is so ingrained, it's hard to see yourself, or for others, outside of it. Wish the dog was still alive, would have taken him. Much better company than the ex, for me and wedding guests.

Christinefrance Thu 13-Apr-17 08:15:07

Yes Shizam you are wanted for yourself at the wedding, go with pride at being an independent person.
As Rigby says have strategies in place for when you want to leave and enjoy meeting others at such a happy occasion. Enjoy.

Riverwalk Thu 13-Apr-17 09:08:20

It's thoughtful of your friend to invite you. I wouldn't worry about the 1+1 thing - there's always a pressure on places and young couples have so many friends, relatives, work friends to invite that they can't give Mum's friend a +1 smile

I shouldn't think that you'll be the only single person there and as others have said it's very easy to chat about which 'side' you're from and how you know them.

As you'll be away for two days treat it as a break and take time to relax and explore the area a little.

inishowen Thu 13-Apr-17 10:15:58

An old friend would understand if you said you didn't want to come on your own. I would ask if you could bring a friend.

Tessa101 Thu 13-Apr-17 10:25:42

Do you have any family members you could take along with you if she's an old friend she would know them anyway. If not look on this as a start of a new chapter of your life as being one confident positive head held high lady. There's a big wide world out there. Enjoy

radicalnan Thu 13-Apr-17 10:26:32

I wish I had gone to my own weddings on my own, the husbands I came home with were a complete disaster. Twice.

Sundancer123 Thu 13-Apr-17 10:32:57

I had to go to a wedding not long after I lost my DH. Can I suggest, if you can run to it, a hair do/ manicure etc, it might help with your confidence.
Those things help me.

Go with a smile on your face and chat to people as has already been mentioned
You are a lady who is wanted at this event for yourself.x

Yorkshiregel Thu 13-Apr-17 11:05:22

You are making yourself anxious! Stop it! When you get there you will know that you have made the best you can of yourself and so go in with a smile and if someone comes to talk to you be friendly. I am sure if you stop thinking about 'how do I look, what do I sound like, am I babbling, or who the hell are these people,' you will relax and start to enjoy yourself. I think that is the key....just be yourself. Don't try to be someone you are not because a two day stay is a long time to pretend to be someone else. Have a lovely time and take lots of photos so you can re-live it all when you get back home. They would not have invited you if you were not wanted.

Phoebes Thu 13-Apr-17 11:11:01

Either invent an excuse for not going, or view it as an opportunity to have a lot of fun, dress up and meet new people.

vickya Thu 13-Apr-17 11:30:31

Husband was in the Merchant Navy and away two-thirds of the time. I had to go to lots of things alone or with one of my daughters, mostly alone. How awkward I felt varied. Usually there were singles at the table of weddings etc, but I recall last time being with all couples. They do have to make conversation with you, to be polite.A hotel room to yourself is rather nice! Is it 4 star? Swimming pool? buffet breakfast? Dwell on the nice things.

Izabella Thu 13-Apr-17 11:45:05

How wonderful you are being included! Have a wonderful time.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 13-Apr-17 11:52:44

I always find such events a bit of a worry but you're probably not the only person who will be alone. As a widow I often feel a bit of a tag-along but if you make the effort with conversation you'll probably enjoy it more than you realise.
Could you offer to help with some of the inevitable tasks which present themselves? Having something to do helps to pass the time and connects you with others.
Plus as it's at a hotel you can always sneak back to your room when it gets a bit late and you want a bit of quiet.