Baby Showers

Perhaps take a token gift - could be a cutlery set for when the child is older and save the quilt for the birth. Otherwise just give the quilt

My friend was persuaded to hold baby shower for her DIL who was always dead against such things.........however all went well and was enjoyed.

I think the key is the simple gifting and not allowing it to be a greedfest (is that a word?) I am not an appreciator of American style OTT things, and how the Prom has made the leaver's disco into an expensive production, but we can keep things modest if we wish.

I never have anything negative to say about tea and cake, I don't even try.

My DH's nephew and wife first invited us to their wedding (OK) and asked for money instead of gifts (not ok). Then it was a baby shower, then a birth, then a christening, and no doubt there will be more. It's nice to keep up with family, but some of us cannot keep buying gifts!

I held one for my sister, sadly her baby passed away, and I always think it was nice that she got to celebrate her baby and receive little gifts and best wishes.

My daughter was persuaded to have one by her mil. My older daughter and I had never been to one and went along with gifts costing under a fiver. Her mil's family all arrived with high value gifts, and swamped the room with large toys and equipment. We felt very awkward. Saying that, I still wouldn't spend more than ten pounds as I think the whole thing is ridiculous. Footnote to this is that my daughter went into premature labour at the baby shower at 31 weeks and the twins arrived two days later. They were very poorly and we didn't know if they would both survive. Meanwhile all these gifts were sitting there. They are five and at school now luckily.

Why don't you take a homemade cake and keep your gift for after the birth of the baby. A friend held one for my first daughter's baby and I didn't go as I really don't agree with them (mainly in case the baby isn't born alive!. She asked if the second party could be at my house as her sister was organising it so, as I was buying her loads anyway, I gave her one thing up front. All the guests bought a food contribution- some bought gifts, others kept them for later.

I know I am an old fuddy-duddy, but I think that I would worry about the outcome - some pregnancies don't make it to term, or problems arise, and I guess that if it were me I would want to wait till the babe had safely arrived before celebrating - this is what comes of working in hospitals for so long!!

I don't think this is an American import, and I don't think this is a 'middle-class thing'.

I can remember similar events, can't remember what they were called, in Scotland in the early 1970s. It was family events, so my grandmother, mother, aunts, and their close female friends. One of my aunts would be the new mother. There was tea and cake and gossip, and gifts were hand-knitted matinee jackets and similar (my mother was a fantastic knitter). Or some bibs. Nothing big, nothing expensive, just a 'minding' - as a small personal gift was known then.

I think I would find a shower with a gift list very presumptuous. And yes, grabby.

Don't get me started on baby showers! It's another "all about me" situation!

My DIL had a massive one ..... My eyes were watering when we went into M&S to order the food!
"How much" I was muttering to myself, for a plate of sandwiches??
I literally sat outside in the sun while my DS & DIL were ordering but I'm proud that I didn't comment.

And yes I'm a dreadful MIL who didn't attend .... We don't live near them and I had a prior engagement!

I attended my one and only Baby Shower 6 years ago for my American daughter in law. It was organised by her American friends and it was joyous. Gifts were NOT expected. I had made a small quilt for this much anticipated baby. We played some games, got to know her wider circle of friends and generally celebrated the upcomming event. It is not generally a part of English culture and my daughter who attended has decided not to have a Bridal Shower, because she feels that her friends would feel that she was asking for extra gifts, like the OP

You would be expected to take a gift and the placemat seems a nice idea. It is just a bit like a tea party with baby gifts. I think you would probably enjoy it if you go but just make an excuse if you don't fancy it. You won't know unless you try it though.

We held one for someone at work who was going on mat leave. We made up a lovely hamper of things for her (bath oils, a pretty nightie etc) and also some small gifts for the baby. We had to hold it in the local pub as it was after work but we bought along a home baked cake and decorated the table with balloons etc. It was an enjoyable evening and I know the mum to be appreciated it.

Surely it is safer to wait until the child is born before you start celebrating. Suppose something happens and she loses it or it is still born? Dreadful thing to happen I know but it is made worse when there is all this baby stuff to dispose of. I know, I have been there. When you do get something don't get bath stuff or creams or anything like that because these days new Mothers are very 'to the book' or 'Mumsnet' trained. My little GC cannot have bath stuff because it brings him out in a rash, and they do not like 'blue for a boy pink for a girl' things. I would wait until the birth and then give something like a sleep sack. Always useful but you need to know what Mum prefers so might be an idea to ask first. They are also not keen on anyone getting Christening clothes for them as they like to choose their own, so be careful what you get. It is an American tradition I think, not a British one.

Maybe we British could start our own 'Baby celebration' and make it clear on the invitation that we do NOT expect guests to bring any presents. That way we can go and enjoy the event without worrying about what to get? Present could be given afterwards of course.

I flew to England for my DGD's baby shower as I had never been to one before. But I dont think I would go again.

It was my DGS's partner's baby shower in early March and my DD asked me to lend her £100 for her to attend it. She promised to pay it back on pay day. But then on payday she said she couldn't afford to pay me it all but I have still haven't received anything and she is not talking to me.

I went to a baby shower 40 years ago, in Canada The expectant mum's best friends and family arrived with home baked goodies, small gifts and flowers. It was a lovely evening and full of fun and laughter. The original concept was never material gain.

I have gone to a few and I usually get some nice bath/shower things from Body Shop for the mum to be

We have had them for people at work. We all gave small gifts such as a bottle of baby bath, talc, wipes, nappy cream, vests, babygros, that sort of thing. We also clubbed together for a more substantial gift (as per usual). Just sent flowers at birth. Not a big fan myself of baby showers though.

My Grandsons pregnant wife has fallen out with her sister who wants to organise her a babyshower. She has said time and again she does not want a shower but the sister aided by her Mum won't accept that it's not her decision to make. Grandson and his wife hate the idea of their friends and family members feeling obligated to supply a gift. They much prefer people give a gift if they choose to, when the baby arrives.
So the sister now is in a big stroke because her opportunity to have all the praise and attention for her organisation skills. Ridiculous!!

That should say strop.

My suggestion is knitting a "Strawberry Hat" (see Sidar Early Arrivals No 2) These hats NEVER fail to be the ideal present for a Baby Shower, daughter's friend's new baby, niece's baby etc etc etc. Easy to do and SO much admired (and not too over the top!) [I know it says early arrivals, but these hats fit very prem to 6-12 cmonths]

Friends in the village i used to live in announced that they were expecting a baby and made it clear "Mummy to be" would bE accepting pregnancy gifts as she was so proud of herself and felt she deserved a treat.I gave her....... my congratulations but then this was the same woman who made her boyfriend re in act the proposal as she wanted it done in front of friends, he really should have ran for the hills then.

Would it not be more appropriate to share the joy of the 'new born' than the 'anticipated.'?
Christenings can be formal and mainly involve relatives
and I can well remember how my DD's felt after the birth of my GD's and how they missed the company of their friends.
So what better than to have your shower 'after' than before.?

I could never understand proms and baby showers - all imported from the USA. I am very old so these don't appeal at all to me, certainly not my children - bah humbug!!

Why oh why do we have to follow America and then adopt their traditions. I am thinking not only of baby showers, but of the highly commercialised event that is Halloween. Many things are driven by big businesses and I read recently that Easter is now nearly as big as Christmas with cards, presents and Easter Trees! Then there are those ridiculous cards celebrating nebulous things eg to grandma on Mothers day!!The world is sometimes a very shallow and easily influenced place.