DIL wont visit my house....

I love all animals, but especially cats.I have also had a dog in the past.

BUT we have some friends where the wife has been brought up without any pets,and her mother instilled a fear of animals in her and her sister. So now she has 2 children, no way would she have pets, even though her OH was used to them as a child.

She will move the children away if she encounters any in a park etc. When they used to come and stay with us, they had to accept the cats, at a distance. We tried to keep them away, but cats are contrary creatures and usually make a beeline for those who don't like them!

Her son actually liked them and wanted to pet them, which we assisted with (they are gentle cats luckily). Now he is an adult and has his own cat, so I'm glad her fear didn't affect him.

There is just no reasoning with people who have that fear.They can't help it. It's best to accept it, and try and work round it if possible. She does sound a difficult person, and unfortunately you have to make the best of it as she is your DIL. I wouldn't try too hard any more, and if possible don't get too upset by her.

The main thing is to see your family in the best way possible.You say you want to show the GC things, just wondered what things?

How about next time you meet for a meal out, you bring some photos of your son when he was a child? Possible not precious originals but print off copies. They may not have ever seen any, and you could tell them some funny stories about what he got up to, what his favourite present/treat was etc.?It might give them more of a connection to you then. Good luck.

Hi melp1 - I think that sounds fantastic. I think I will just have to be patient and wait till they grow up a bit. The last time they visited I pit the dogs in crates to appease her and she still wouldn't be in the same room and complained because the young dog (who had never been in crate before) was crying. She suggested I took her to training school.
She has the power of having the children and I've never felt so helpless. That night I was woken up by severe heart paplitations and have since been to doctors and hospital and waiting for cardiologist. Advised to stay as calm as poss. I haven't told my son. My daughter is very supportive though very angry with DIL - angry that I keep trying to be nice ...Since that brush with death (so they say) I have decided to directly communicate with son and not include her, I suppose I have always thought I could win her round by being friendly, it is a hard one to give up. He sends me videos of the GDDs. It's surprising what life can throw at you - good and bad. Good luck bad luck we only have control on how we deal with it. For them to play with my dogs - or even go for a walk with them would be great. Lets hope one day.

I m truely sorry to hear about your health but you are still walking down the same old road....... "for them to play with my dogs" why on earth would you even add that to your mind bank... whilst you are still hankering after them joining your dog family you are going to keep hurting yourself ....it isn't going to happen Granny Your dil obviously tried by coming to your house and you tried by crating the dogs ( personally I would have let your daughter have them for the day and cleaned the house to an inch of its life, so there wasn't a trace of dog in it ) but you certainly tried as you saw fit and it didn't work There is now a total stand off and by you not including her will only add to the tension I feel sorry for your son caught up between the two women he loves
One last thing if the children for whatever reason and you don't know the reason have been brought up without dogs in their lives they will probably never be dog lovers so don't expect when they are 18 they will run to your house to cuddle the dogs as you will hurt yourself all over again

Go out, enjoy your meal and your time with your family and stop moaning. You know the reason DiL won't visit, get over if.

PS I'm a dog lover but not everyone is.

We use a stair gate when the family visit. (Its to keep their dogs out while we're eating - all have dogs and four under the table begging causes chaos.)

You do have a very difficult DiL. How well do you get on with her parents? Can you invite them for a family party? Your birthday is past but perhaps DSs birthday? It's worked for me in the past.

I also think you should tell you DS of your health problems, it may give him a very good reason to pop over to see you, and maybe bring the DGC. Worth a try.

BlueBelle is right, give up on the whole idea of your​ GDDs having anything to do with your dogs.

Tell your daughter to stop being angry on your behalf and to help you to be calm instead.
She could possibly help by minding your dogs, while the family visits you, or by having all of you to visit her house, as that seems to be acceptable to them.

It's not to do with the dogs! The dogs are an excuse quite a new one. If it were just the dogs - so easily solved by all the suggestions, all of which I have tried. All make her demand more.

It's deeper than that which is why I am so sad about it.

I have a great business and social life thanks.

I really don't understand why so many people on this forum are desperately keen to criticise, or just tell me what to do (?) when it is obvious to me that the point of such forums is to respect someone's confidences and be comforting and supportive.!! Or not bother to respond. Not attack. Weird. I wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone. I suppose some people when they see a belly exposed can't resist going for it.

Not trying to tell you what to do, just trying to find solutions to make things better. Isn't that what grans do? Sympathy goes without saying, so next is trying to solve the problem. Sorry.

I am certainly not trying to criticise or attack you ""belly exposed ...going for it"" !! I'm not like that, nor was anyone else. Lots of us were just trying to be kind and help, as you seem to be making yourself ill over this.

You have mentioned the dogs a lot, and seemed desperate that the grandchildren should be introduced to them. I won't bother saying any more.