how did your position in your family affect you and your life.

I'm the fifth of six. 2 girls, 2 boys, 2 girls. Ages range from 75 - 61. Two elder sisters married young, one brother joined the navy the other the army, my younger sister who was spoilt by all was a right little madam, Dad was in the army, on his final posting I had already left school and my younger sister had to go to boarding school. I had always been a goody goody and got on really well with my dear mum and dad, as we were living in Malaysia and jobs were scarce, mum and I were more like best friends, dad said I was her companion, those 3 years until I married were the happiest of my life. I'm close only to my second eldest sister and my younger one.
I had a happy childhood if rather chaotic moving from place to place from birth, I also married a soldier so until the age of 39 had never lived anywhere for more than 5 years (and in those 5 years we moved to 3 different homes).

I was also an only child and longed for a brother and sister (I had them in my head for many years growing up). I was never spoiled - my parents were in business all their working lives so there was no time to spoil me - my mum used to say I brought myself up. They were not demonstrative in any way so although I know they loved me there were never hugs and kisses which is something I regret as it's made me the same way. I too got pregnant at 16 which my mum was mortified about and made me feel extremely guilty for years however she adored both her grandsons once they arrived. I have no self esteem at all and often felt I was a disappointment to them. Like Gillybob though now they're gone I have no one to share those childhood memories with. My husband is the middle child - each of his siblings always said he was the favourite but if you ask him he would say his younger sister was. Over the years we would notice that one of other of them was usually out of favour with my in-laws for whatever reason. Families are so complicated - both my sons still believe the other was the blue eyed prince even now they're grown men

Climbed Snowdon but still feel ugly and stupid. My younger sister, on the other hand,has never scaled any heights but with her looks and brain she has nothing to prove. I know because my parents were always telling her
Yes,I know ExaltedWombat, really must get over myself....

I am a middle child, 2nd daughter. My mother always told me my sister was so much prettier than me & my brother was the son she longed for! So to say I have very low self esteem & never felt good enough is an understatement!! I now have 3 beautiful grown up daughters of my own & 2 gorgeous grandchildren, we are all very close. But I have have never had a good relationship with my Mother, she is still very critical & my brother is definately the favourite.

I have a friend with a twin sister. Their mother called my friend 'the pretty one' and her sister 'the clever one'. Caused no end of trouble between them and now they are no longer in contact. It's awful how parents can screw up thei children's self esteem, I hope I haven't done the same with my DD. My main problem has been mother was absolutely not touchy-feely so I haven't been with DD and really regret it, but it's difficult to shake these childhood things off...

I was the one and only child. Never felt wanted, although money was no object,both parents wanted a boy.
When I was expecting my first child, mother had her boys names lined up, and how I disappointed her by having a girl followed by another girl
I do believe had my mother produced a sibling for me and it was a boy I doubt I would ever had got a look in.
Could never understand the issue with my not being a boy as boy cousins from my array of aunts and uncles outnumbered girl cousins.

gillybob gosh hope that I haven't offended you?

My comment re my sister being on husband no 3 was just my way of saying that she has not had a particularly happy time of things and certainly not what our parents would ever have predicted for their 'golden girl', I think and hope that she is feeling happy and settled now, it has been a long time coming for her

As an only child, I was first, middle and last; doted upon, spoiled and raised among the grown ups. I was for the most part a lonely child longing for siblings until I was old enough to understand why my mother couldn't have more. In retrospect, it was not a bad thing being raised alone, but I also missed out on a lot and still do. I often wish I would have had several sisters and brothers.... one of those big, loud, boisterous, ethnic families that get together often and they all share vast quantities of good food, plenty of lively gossip and and even the occasional dose of drama!

Angela1961
Same as you I'm an only child and never missed siblings growing up, but now wish I had them to share the happy and sad times, and help the memories live on.

Of course you haven't offended me nanaK54 I don't "do" offended. No need to explain yourself either.

It's true though, I am on to husband number 3.

No. 1 left me holding the baby.
No. 2 died very young.
No. 3 The love of my life.

Phew! Thank you gillybob and I am so happy to hear that you have found 'the love of your life'

I am the middle child of three sisters. Our mother called us "the good, the bad and the ugly". Bless her!

I bet you're glad you weren't sister number 3 thuberon how cruel.

gillybob, such a wonderful message, finding the love of your life after such a distressing beginning at parenting and married life. I agree with the ones who say you have so much to offer.

I am in awe of all you do for your family and GC.

And, gillybob, I love to read your posts. What colour is a bleach bottle?

I am blushing now Norah

I just try to do my best for my small family. That's it really. Trying to live up to my own grandma would be an impossible task as she was a saint in my eyes.

I consider myself very lucky to have found DH. I would never say "DH number 3" as he is the only DH I have ever had, the other 2 were just H's [I am confusing myself now)well the first one was actually BBH (you can work that one out yourself )

No. 1 I was told to marry him, as I had a baby at 18. He left me with my son after only a few months (well weeks really).

No. 2 I met and married when I was a very lonely single parent. A nice man but, fiercely jealous of my son (to whom I dedicated my life at the time) but he gave me my lovely daughter. We might have stayed together forever although I suspect not.

No. 3 (The love of my life) I met when I was working as a secretary for a large engineering company. He was 10 years older than me, very quiet and our paths didn't often cross (I think I have told this story on GN before) then some flowers arrived to the factory on Valentines day with my name on them and all the men speculated who had sent them... pointing the blame at various people... having a good old laugh as well. No-one thought about the quiet Electrical Engineer (saying nothing) who eventually confessed to having sent them. The rest is history and we have been together since 1992. He has been a brilliant step father to my two children. He is a lovely, lovely man, although for some reason he hasn't learned to put a new bin bag into the bin after he has emptied it but I can forgive him that.

I buy (Asda) supermarket own brand bleach and the bottles come in various bleachy scents. Arctic Blue (blue bottle) Flowery Pink (or whatever) Alpine Green... etc.

I change my colour codes often just to keep him on his toes and to match the bath mat

yes I know I am cuckoo

I am an only child, was spoilt with love but not material things. My mother became very ill while she was pregnant with me with Toxaemia. Consequently I was delivered early but we were both fine. I desperately wanted a sibling both then and now but it wasn't to be and my mother died early when I was a child. My father is still alive at the grand old age of 92. To be honest I don't know what I would do without him. I'm very lucky, I know! My youngest is expecting a third child, a boy. It is a reasonably small gap as the girls are 6 and 4. However I'm concerned that the youngest girl will be the one who feels this most being a 'middle' child. Was hoping as this is not another girl that this would not be a problem. Now I'm not sure!

I'm the youngest of 3, brother older by 7 yrs, sister 3 yrs older.
My parents were told I would be mentally and physically handicapped (but don't worry Mrs ##### you have two 'normal children '!!!).
It wasn't until I was around 2 & hitting milestones drs realised they'd made a mistake! So up until that point I was treated differently.
I struggled to live up to my sisters golden girl reputation and rebelled ..... alot!
Only as an adult did I find out she struggled being the golden girl our father expected her to be ?

Girls in our family did chores and worked hard for our pocket money. Boys oh lordy lordy treated like royalty. No chores still got pocket money ( more than girls ). Two out of three ran into trouble but man bailed them out every time and would hear nothing bad about them. One turned out ok. Have lost contact with all family

I was born to mum aged 22 married to dominating man aged 33. I was never wanted, never loved. Grew up lonely and sad. 8 years later' Golden Boy' was born and their life changed forever. My brother and I are great friends and he knows he was the chosen one. I have had depression since the age of 14 and still battling it.

Oh nancan, I'm so sorry. But so glad that you and your brother are good friends - my brother hasn't spoken to me for seventeen years and I have no idea why. I'm sure you are a great friend to others too.

Gillybob, your post made me cry. My daughter is a single mum with a vile ex and all I hope for her is a new man who will be the love of her life. You've shown me that it's possible. Thankyou.

My mother married late in life to a much older man. After having me she was told she would never have any more children. However, seven years later my brother was born. From the day and hour he was born, he was the golden boy to both my parents. They barely hid their favouritism.
Money was very short and all I ever wanted as a child was a two wheeler bike, like all my friends had. One Christmas morning I got up to an umbrella in my stocking and my brother got a beautiful bike. I knew then who the favourite was.
I nursed my mother for a long time,whilst bringing up my children and working full time. If we were lucky, my brother would come once a week for about an hour. When she was very ill and deteriorating fast, my brother decided to go on holiday to France regardless. It took three days to get in touch with him. He arrived at my mother's beside and spoke to her. She hadn't been responsive for days, but on hearing his voice, she smiled and slipped away. It broke my heart, as I knew then, he was indeed the favourite. It has blighted my life, but I have tried so hard to love my own children equally.

Oh dear Marydoll that is sad

Parents shouldn't have favourites and, if they feel closer to one child than another, must never ever show it.

gillybob you have overcome a lot and yes, you are very special and your family is very lucky to have you - you are always there, supporting and fighting their corner for them.
Who could ask for more?

I was the elest of two as I had a brother 3 and a half years younger. I was the one who was unexpected to excel at everything and it was always my duty to do things. My mother always spoilt my brother. He was the golden boy to her. I had lots of chores but he always got away with doing nothing. My Dad was always very fair with us both. I think my Mum realised in later life that she had spoilt him. Yet it was me who had her living with me for the last 11 years of her life. He never bothered with her.
My husband in the other hand was the youngest of 3 boys and totally spoilt by his mother. He hasnt had children despite 3 marriages. At the moment we are visiting England to see my children but he doesn't understand why I am bothering ss he has no family left. I tried to explain that it has always been my duty to keep the family together. But he cannot understand this and his reply was that my children didnt feel any duty to come and see me though. So I think there is a big difference according to where you are born in the family.