how did your position in your family affect you and your life.

I found it very therapeutic to post my comment today which I'd never really expressed before!!

eldest of three with younger sister and brother.
younger sister was daddy's girl and younger brother was mummy's boy so i was the one who was left out and also the one who was responsible for looking after sister and brother.
always vowed to have either two children or four as i didn't like being one of three.
in the end i had only two as my third pregnancy was an ectopic one and due to this and other unrelated things both ovarian tubes were removed with the pregnancy.
however i had my wish - one girl and one boy and both of them are lovely children and i wouldn't be without them [although i dispensed with the husband as i just grew away from him].
i've ended up estranged from my sister but not from my brother although i don't see him very often as he moved to the usa.
now my daughter and her two daughters have moved in with me and we're struggling [even after two years] to sort my house out with four peoples' belongings. this will be made worse when my daughter finally moves the rest of their belongings out of the marital home when the divorce takes place.

I am the younger of two, my brother is eight years older. I felt like an only child but I cant remember being spoilt (he might say different). My parents never gave me praise or told me I was good at anything or talented in any way. They separated when I was seventeen and I have found it very hard to trust anybody all my life. Like paddyann I put on my makeup everyday with my brave face ... Somebody said to me once that she didn't have the confidence to wear makeup, I said I didn't have the confidence not to ...

I was the second of four and it wasn't a happy place to be. I felt my sister, the eldest, was the clever one, then there was me, my brother was the poorly one with health problems, then my youngest brother was the cure funny one. I felt I didn't have a place or personality. Growing up I was always known, even by teachers, as ****'s sister, as there's only a year between me and my sister, and she was known for being clever. The odd thing is I didn't mind. I think I felt it was justified as I was a nobody.

Belinda, I feel exactly the same as you - don't think I've ever said these things to anybody before!

I was the eldest until my sister, an 'accident', came along when I was five and a half. I was always sensible and responsible and still am. A typical 'eldest'. She was the baby rebel, always being naughty, getting into scrapes and goading me. When she was fourteen and a bit more grown up she was more friendly and fun-loving and I cared about her and looked out for her as my mother and father went through an acrimonious divorce.

I married an eldest child with a rebellious youngest sister and we have very coincidental relations with our families. His sister doesn't speak to him from year's end to year's end and my sister is jealous and hostile.

My sister married a 'youngest' and had three girls, of whom the youngest is rebellious and disobedient.

Our eldest son is sensible and responsible and the youngest is a bright spark with a more up and down view of life.

These patterns cannot be a coincidence, can they?

I was the oldest of two, my brother and we always got on well, my parents never made any difference between us, my Brother was always the clever of us, but it never made a difference, I may have been the more "bossy" of the two, and consequently became a Nurse.We had a good life and it saddens me to think he died far too early when he was just forty, but I have my happy memories.

I'm the fourth of five and am younger twin. Elder brothers left home quite young so mostly we three youngest at home. We all felt that we were 'accidents' as none of us were planned. Sadly youngest always felt he was especially unwanted (Mum was about 45 when she had him) but I think he was spoiled a bit to compensate.
DH was the youngest of two. He was MIL's favourite really though I think she tried not to show it but it was obvious. As he passed away she is left with 'the other one' to look after her and they don't get on which is a shame. Two strong self-centred egotists mean fireworks.
My brothers married girls who had a huge army of sisters and we rarely see them.

I was referred to as `an only child` absolutely hated it! I would have given ANYTHING to have had a sibling. Spotlight was always on me, hopes and aspirations of my family always on me; anything broken; mislaid; or stained in the house it was always down to me. Bedroom had to ALWAYS be kept pristine (no sibling to share the blame for the mess). I had to wash and dry the dishes every night - no sharing of chores; wash out the bathroom and kitchen so I would "know my place in the family!". My mother told me constantly how much they sacrificed for me, how much I owed her for giving birth to me, how she had ruined her figure and her health for me and that if I loved her I would look after her in her old age and NOT go off and get married. When I did marry and had a family of THREE CHILDREN she was down at my house EVERY DAY, she didn`t like me to meet up with friends or even have friends over for a play date with HER grandchildren. So life, even as an adult `only child` was a battle each and every single day. Oh what I would have given to share some of the spotlight with a sibling. So please don`t moan about your siblings or positions in your family, just be grateful if you have someone to share childhood memories with whether they be good or bad as I have no one but I do have wonderful memories of my children and grandchildren`s childhoods full of fun; laughter; and yes even fights with their siblings but none of the parental pressure.

I'm the youngest of three and was a sickly little git so was spoilt and loved a lot. Trouble is, adult life can't match up to that!! My brother and sister still think I'm a little girl!

It is a precious thing to share memories of childhood with your siblings! I love that.

I am not in any way, shape or form "special" but it was such a kind thing for you to say harri thank you.

Belinda49 Your (sad) post made me realise how we do carry these things around for the whole of our lives. Despite the massive disappointment I caused my parents by getting myself pregnant at 17, I often wonder if, in later years they ever realised that it was only because of this they got to be grandparents (my sister never had children) and then later great-grandparents.

I'm the eldest but I always felt jealous of my younger siblings. I have spent my whole life feeling jealous and never ever feeling like anyone's number 1.

I am the eldest of two. Our parents had been married for 9 years before I came along, then 2.5 years later, my brother arrived. I dearly wanted a sister and told everyone that the baby was Pauline. I know I bossed him around, but we are estranged now, and I wish he would 'come back'.

I was second in line of 5 children. Boys and girls. I was a very happy little girl and we all got on very well. However as we have grown older the two oldest of each sex have moved closer to each other and I have moved closer to my younger sister. One brother died age 18yrs. Being an also ran has not affected my life in any way and even though some of us are closer we still all get on together. Sometimes we all know instinctively what is going on in the others' lives. My sister and I are more like twins than sisters.

One thing I believe that parents MUST NOT DO is put a label around a child's neck. He is the clever one, she is the thoughtful one, he is very practical, she is very emotional etc etc. That child will remember what you have said and will take it to heart. Imo children should not be compared in any way with each other. They all have special gifts and they are all precious. They should all be treated the same, whatever sex, what ever their faults are.

Chicklette your post really saddened me. YOU ARE NOT A 'Nobody'! Never think that. We all have gifts and we are all different. No-one is a 'Nobody'!

I am the youngest always known as the baby. My mother would introduce me as the baby even when I was pregnant with my first child. I only had two my daughter and my son they were treated both the same.
My brother is the middle child and my eldest sister and my mum doted on him.

I always make a point of praising my Grandchildren, as I did with my sons. I love to see the big smile on their faces when they realise what they have done is 'wonderful' or 'so clever' or 'very interesting'. It is worth the effort because they are growing up to have confidence in themselves and what they are capable of. Putting children down in any way is setting them up to fail imo. Giving praise when they deserve it helps them to grow in to capable, self assured, caring people.

I was the youngest of four - siblings were 14, 13 and 11 when I was born - I guess I was spoilt with attention, but parents were not well off so not spoilt with material possessions. Now I am nearly 64 and my sisters (brother died a few years back) still think I am a youngster. Actually I think it helps me feel young for my age! It is interesting to see my sisters still trying to assert themselves, not with me, but with each other - much like when they were teenagers. But actually we are all pretty close and supportive. Lucky I guess.

Silversands we're not complaining about siblings ,just discussing how our position in the family affected us.My eldest sister was born very premature and she was ill for much of her childhood,she spent a lot of time in hospital and by the time she finally came home for good my parents had lost their 2nd daughter who only lived for 10 hours and had their 3rd .The sister who had been ill hated her with a vengeance for years ,always said she "took her place" which was nonsense as no 1 was very spoiled BECAUSE she had been so sick for so long .Strangely when my dad died it was the two middle sisters who cared for my mum.No 1 found it hard to look after her own family and the youngest decided looking after mum wasn't what she wanted to do .Still my mother never really changed her attitude towards us.I know she loved me but she was always hyper critical.The day before she died she told me off for wearing trousers when I visited her ...apparently I'm the wrong shape for trousers...lol.I was a size 10/12 at the time .

Such an interesting subject.
I am a middle child, my sister (9 years older) was a really well behaved and very clever child.
Mr brother (4 years younger) was a very much wanted boy.
So there was me in the middle, feeling not at all special.
I rebelled in my teens, quite shocking behaviour really, wonder if I was trying to get some attention?!
Pregnant at 17, we married (as you did in those days), we are still happily married 45 years later!
My sister has led a pretty strange life and is on husband no. 3, my brother a similar tale and he is now with wife no. 3 .
They don't get on with each other at all, I try (but not too hard) to be the peacemaker
When my dear mum was dying it was me that the nursing home rang, saying "we rang you because we know that you are the strong one of the family"
I do know that in her later years my mum was at last 'proud' of me, which was a real comfort I have always looked for confirmation from others that I am 'worthy' of love and praise.....think that maybe, just maybe, at the age of 62 I am starting to realise that I am an okay sort of woman

I'm on husband number 3 too nanaK54 I really am careless so trying desperately to hang on to this one for dear life

I was the middle of three girls, closer in age to the younger one (ages when youngest born, 4 and 18 months). I was always called daddy's girl but in reality dad treated us all the same - he was a quiet man who did not say much and was quite old for a dad, 50 when I was born, and travelled a lot for his job until we were small, and then was only a weekend dad for a long time as he went to work early and came back late. I always felt that mum and my older sister were friends and my sister would tell tales to mum, my younger sister was the baby and spoiled. As we grew up, older sister had priviledges like going to bed later etc but when my turn came they always applied to me and my younger sister at the same time. Yet now my older sister feels she missed her childhood as mum relied on her a lot, and she says I and younger sister never played with her, while my younger sister also feels resentful because whatever she did I had done first! Our parents died a year apart when we were in our late twenties. Both my sisters married older men, never had children, are now widows and are comfortably off, I married and had children (two boys), and a grandson, but was divorced when they were little and now live on very little. Now I think I am the most contented sane person of the three of us! They don't speak to each other but I am friends with both. I learned early on not to expect anything and every little pleasure in life is a bonus.

You haven't got low self-esteem because of being a middle child. You've just got low self-esteem. And, you know what, so have all of us, particularly if we think about it too hard. Now, go and climb Everest or something.