No friends

Joining a group of like minded people helps. I joined Weightwatchers and now have six other friends from that . . . and we hardly ever go to the meetings now, but enjoy social activities together.

I have always enjoyed dancing, and have lessons. Now I'm pretty okay at dancing, I go to public dances and meet loads of people there.

Find an interest and go to classes and you are bound to meet like minded people and make friends.

Friendship is an art/science that we learn over time. Because the learning came naturally we have no idea what we have learned until we find that our friends are dying and we now find it 'difficult' to make new ones.

I listed my friends and found that because I live in the country side and because I like relating to women my friends are widows or people living alone who have cars and can drive them.

When I go to U3A groups I therefore look for this kind of person and strike up a conversation offer to fetch a cup of tea etc.

I carry an address book and if I have made sufficient contact write the persons address, telephone no and email in. The next time the activity is due to take place I ring and ask if they will be there, say I hope to meet with them again etc. I usually have a list of films I would like to see as a result of reading reviews. Then if things go well I can suggest a film or two and see if there is one we would like to meet up at etc.

So one goes on. It takes time and persistence to make new friends.

There is a penguin book by Micheal Argyle and Monika Henderson - The anatomy of relationships the rules and skills needed to manage them successfully. ISBN 0 14 022578 1

Chapter 12 covers skills training for lonely people.

This may sound a bit tough but its no fun being lonely and really not too difficult to move out of that position socially.

It is not easy however to find a friend that will be as close as a sister. I have wondered sometime if using an internet friendship site or an advertised site might be a possibility but have not felt the need to explore this yet.

This is sad. I'm very lucky in having both friends and family but we have moved around a lot and I know how hard it is to get established in a new community. I've found the only way is to 'join things' whether that be WI, U3A or a keep-fit class. You also have to persevere, no good giving up because people don't talk to you, sometimes it's not because they are unfriendly but that they are just shy and need encouragement. It's easy to find yourself waiting until another person invites you for a coffee or whatever but it's much quicker to be the person doing the inviting. Many times I've found myself having coffee with someone with whom I have nothing whatever in common but then through that first contact you meet someone who is more on your wavelength and a fledgling friendship is established. Incidentally, I don't have a dog myself but I've noticed that dog walkers seem to make a lot of friends quite easily - I think it is a similar process to meeting young children from school!

I feel the same too, live in a very rural area, sometimes I think it may be better to be independent. I have a "Have I Got News For You" type of humour, quite dry, and this is lost on a lot of people, so I give up!

There are several good sites on Facebook for making friends (not dating sites I hasten to add) - I belong to a couple and people are already organising to meet up as small groups in local areas just to have a coffee and chat in person. If you are on Facebook then have a look at www.facebook.com/groups/over60sfriendshipgroup/?ref=nf_target&fref=nf or www.facebook.com/groups/britishbabyboomers/?fref=nf or www.facebook.com/groups/202208150302560/?fref=nf

I have no interest really in going out, dressing up, having a drink or dancing. That seems to be the problem, or one of them.
I want the kind of friend where we can sit and natter; put the world to rights over a cup of tea, share our highs and lows, be silly, and support each other.

Don't forget the W.I. Plenty in London & they will have various clubs you can join. Just got back from AGM in Liverpool & it is a reminder at how well women do at talking to each other. A lot of people went alone & I never saw anyone without someone to talk to at all times. Women of all ages meet new friends there- there were plenty of girls with blue/green/ purple hair & tatoos at AGM too so it is taking off with the younger women too which is brilliant.
U3A has been mentioned & is also a very good place to meet people.
Does your local library have a reading group?

I think it depends a bit on your definition of a friend. I can't think of anyone I would ring up in an emergency, or if I was feeling low and longing for someone to drop everything and come round, apart from my daughter. I would love to have a best mate to swap texts with every day, to go off and do silly thing with, and to help them out when they had problems. But I do have coffee and lunches fairly regularly, go to U3A, Tangent (another possibility for you>) volunteer at a local hospice, help out at the Cathedral etc. It's just not quite the same as feeling that close to someone that you can share anything.

My daughter had a small group of friends that she has known since school-days, they are always in touch, help each other out, spend weekends at each others houses, go off on holiday together. I really envy her that!

Virtual friends, lovely though they are, can't fill the gap!

Where abouts in the country do you live bettyboo

I also recommend joining u3A. I moved to a new town and all my closest friends are dead now so I was quite isolated. I've met lots of new people, go to interesting talks and I so enjoyed one of the study groups that I have decided to do a degree in that subject. I am now going to college part time and meeting lots of interesting people young and older.

I'd also suggest volunteering in local charity shop/hospital/school reading group.

Do you have any hobbies or interests OP?

Here's a link to U3A find a group

Where are you grandmaMia

i to have no friends nearly 75 in not to good health, only company I have is my cat, even the next door neighbour and wife doesn't even speak, in fact he has threatened to poison my cat with milk and antifreeze, I have no family at all, I would love to have someone to talk to, or sometimes go out for dinner, or a picnic, I do drive, Christmas is the worst for me I se or speak to no one,

Same here, I have many old work friends who I meet for lunch occasionally, in fact I am doing so today, I have a couple of other groups I attend but havent any real friends with whom I can confide, my best friend is in the UK.
However thanks to GN I have a few lovely ladies who I write to and can confide in, so thank you Gransnet

I have lots of aquaitances and a few close friends. I am very reticent about sharing my problems with others but I know other people who chat about everything and are very open. I think friendships takes a long time to build and you often need a shared history, understanding and you need to trust someone. Big plus for me, is if you can Laugh with them Remember in the Reader's Digest "Laughter is the best medicine", alway use to read those bits in the dentist.

I belong to a large International Women's group with a constant changing membership but I find if I attend an event being with other people raises my spirits. I am friendly with everyone but having made so many friends who have moved away I am careful as it leaves a big hole in your life when they do.

I think if I was in the UK I would start a Gransnet or similar group. Plus join U3A. When starting a group you find some people come a couple of times and then disappear ( maybe because they are not a group person)so you just have to keep advertising, inviting people etc until you have people who are committed to the group. Also you have people who don't want new people to join the group so you have to set an example and always be welcoming and open to new ideas.

A few people have mentioned coming from Service families and my father was in the Navy and we lived a long way from the extended family, so it was difficult to make long term friendships and the norm was that people moved on.

waves at Charleygirl - I'm near to Wembley, but still working full time (London Bridge).

Hi bettyboo try and connect with school friends or x work mates

www.facebook.com/notes/friends-reunited/finding-your-old-school-memories-and-classmates/421566797901686/

I think perhaps the small group of close 'girlfriends' for older women is an American myth!

I am in the same position turned 60 was an only child ,the women that I do know have husbands so socially they go out with them , I live in York which is quite expensive due to it been a tourist place so tend to stay on the outskirts rather than the centre,all my friends have emigrated or moved vast differences away , I moved here around 15yrs ago I too have no friends which I think can make you feel very miserable.

Due to an odd childhood where my parents moved constantly and went through a horrible on/off divorce from when I was aged 12-18 I attended 14 different schools, one more than my 13 school years. I was very gregarious as a child but became more and more reserved and being a book fan became immersed in reading rather than socialising.

I met my 'bestie' when I was 20 and married him. Together we made quite a few 'couple' friends but see them rarely.

However, having retired early from taching after stress and illness I have become very isolated. I have no friends at all to talk to. I could remedy this by volunteering or arranging to meet old teaching colleagues but I have dropped out of the habit of socialising. Also, the political leftward leanings of most middle class women mark me out as some sort of pariah as I am not a socialist.

I read a lot, listen to the radio and engage online but I cannot but feel that sometimes I am lonely. The odd thing is that I don't even know for sure if I am.

Luckily both of my children are sociable and have many friends and some close ones though my DD sees them in person and my DS, like many young men, 'meets' his online. I like to think that, had I had their calm and steady upbringing, I might have been more normal.

roger71 that is so sad - I would love to meet up with you, I am a cat person too and I am so sorry to hear about your horrible neighbour. Whereabouts do you live?

cornergran Mon 12-Jun-17 08:40:17 Our situations are similar, but I don't get lonely for female friends as I have a lovely SIL and DIL, and believe it or not, my cleaner! She is a good friend of my other stepson and though in her early 30s, we are very close, sort of mum/daughter.

Stella14 Mon 12-Jun-17 10:22:50 That's interesting you say that as I grew up in the US. It's common for people to move around and make new friends when they relocate (especially for study or work) as distance often makes regular contact impractical. Here in the UK I find that women (and men) try to keep childhood, school and then uni friends close throughout their lives.

I'm an 'only'. I had best friends at school but not now though I keep in touch with many school and college friends. I'm also in touch with those I used to live near as well and we go out for meals together but none of them is what I would call a 'close' friend. Does it matter? Sometimes it does but mostly it doesn't. I'm fortunate in enjoying my own company and although I like a chat and a catch up I wouldn't want to be in constant touch. Oh dear this makes me appear a right old grouch!

Any North Londoners out there? I'm in Muswell Hill, and there's a new, very local U3A starting up here. First meeting at the Moravian church on Wednesday 14th - think it's 10.30 - 12 noon. I may go.

i moved 30 years ago with my now ex husband 100 miles away from where i was born and brought up. i had quite a big circle of friends where i was and thought it would be easy to build up another one.
however this didn't happen. when i split from my ex the friends that we had made sided with him [i grew away from him and they blamed me for the split even though it was amicable].
i worked at a school on the admin side and didn't really make friends of the people i worked with - apart from one girl who became my best friend.
when i retired i lost touch with the people i'd worked with and we have no contact apart from birthday and christmas cards. we don't actually have anything in common.
three years ago my best friend died and although she and i had also included a couple of other ladies in our group only one other and myself are in touch now and go out for lunch now and again.
everything is compounded by the fact that i'm virtually housebound at the moment waiting for a knee replacement op. another factor is that i'm retired and living on my pensions and dla [which latter i may have to give up after my op].
two years ago my daughter and two grandaughters moved in with me as my daughter's marriage broke up but i'm still on my own.
my brother moved to america and married again and my sister alienated my brother and myself over things which happened when our parents died.
i'm one of those people who don't need other people to be happy - i can happily occupy myself pottering around the house [with lots of rest in between jobs at the moment] but i would love to have more friends to chat to and meet up for coffee.