No friends

I joined a rock choir over a year ago, and have met some lovely people, you dont have to be auditioned, or even be able to sing, everyone welcome, I could go out every day of the week if i wanted to attend their different group, we are like one big family, i would recommend it to anyone as you end up feeling happy and elated after a session, the only minus being a monthly fee of approx £30, which is a small price to pay for the joy its given me. I am sure there are other choirs about which are free to join, just check local area on fb, churches, etc

Hi I live in Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire and would love to meet up for a coffee with someone, I am 57

I have no friends at all, I am disabled and cannot get out on my own and the few people I knew made excuse after excuse and in the end I stopped trying. Being old and disabled is horrible, I am the sort of person who would do anything for others but I am last on everyones list people life is so unfair.

There are congregations is some places NON religious that just meet up on Sundays like achurch and sing together then stay and chat............I know of a couple of friends who really, having no one, have found these a great support. I think they are going to be a real thing of the future, people get to meet a cross genrational group of people who have an agenda to be friends.

I haven't got the links handy but if anyone is interested PM me and I will chase them up for you. One hired a theatre in London a couple of weeks ago and there is one in Kent Tonbridge area I think, but theyare springing up in other places. Wish there was one here. I live in Glastonbury plenty to do but have done the charity shop thing and it is ok for company but not friendship as such, we have lots of groups to join here but very expensive mostly and not always my cup of tea. U3A didn't have any groups of interest for me .........

We also are in a rural area with no bus service to speak of (well not if you want to say anything nice) and I don't drive in the dark now........I do have freinds but not the ones that can ome close to those I have lost.

EmilyHaburn, your post is very helpful, and gives some good guidance on how to make friendships. Be proactive!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds themselves with either none or very few friends, I was beginning to think it was just me.

I lost all my school friends when my family relocated to London from the North of England when I was 15. Took me a long time to make new friends and eventually I got married and my husband didn't like any of my existing friends, so over the years all our friends ended up being people he knew from school or worked with. That worked well until he left me and most of the friends stuck with him and his new partner who was also a work colleague.

Of the few left, one emigrated to South Africa, another to Australia and some years ago one went to live in Devon and I only see her about once a year.

I did go to evening classes at college a couple of years ago and met some lovely people and did see a couple of them after the course finished, but they have now both moved away!

I've got quite a number of phone friends, but that's not the same as having people round or having people to visit. My OH isn't very sociable and can't understand why anyone would need a friend. I've come to the conclusion I have forgotten how to make friends as I know I can make conversation with anyone and frequently do but it's making the next step that I struggle with.

On top of that I suffer badly with anxiety and I think that probably has some bearing on why I don't push myself into friendships as much as I should.

Dear me there are a lot of us out there in the same boat it seems . I'm also an only child, left my childhood town when I was 8 and then my husband and I moved from our home town when we were in our early 20's with two small children. The friends I made in that town I lost when we subsequently moved again to our present home over 30 years ago although I have recently made contact with one of them but she lives 60 miles away and doesn't do social media so we don't speak very often. I have never worked in an office environment with other people having being in business with my husband and son for many years and then working from home on my own for the last 14 years so have never built up a social circle. I am close to my sister in law but she doesn't live here and is taken up with her own work and caring for her small grandson. One son and his family are 2 hours away and the other is on the other side of the world in NZ so there is just my husband and I. I did belong to the WI for some years but found I felt like an outsider due to their social networks and ages so left earlier this year. The joint friends we had drifted away when we became carers for my parents as we had to turn down invitations from them. Both parents have now passed away so we seem to be completely alone. Having been married at 17 with a child I'm not really someone who enjoys going to pubs and clubs in a huge crowd as it was never a scenario we had back then. I'm facing the prospect of losing my job at the end of the year due to a company takeover and seem to be looking down the barrel of a very empty future with another 2 years before pension age which is a bit scary!

Butterfly1954 I am the same as you. Disabled and caring 24/7 for my husband who has dementia. I get out to Mind while my husband has a sitter but that is it. It is so upsetting and mind battering that you feel useless and not worthy of friends. It is very demoralizing and has caused me to have a social phobia causing anxiety(hence going to Mind). I would love a friend I could visit on my mobility scooter for coffee but at the moment I pay to have a lady come twice a week for a couple of hours, or what i can afford. They are a great company to contact if you live in Harpenden/St Albans area it is called Nannies 4Grannies and it does exactly what the title says.

I may as well have had no family or friends. Apart from my elderly husband we are alone.

Hi Betty
I'm in Birmingham if you want to talk

I would recommend something like U3L - I joined a craft class three years ago in my local area and there is now a table of ladies who all joined at the same time and who have become friends. When I look after my DGD I go to a music class with her and afterwards lots of mum's go to the cafe - every week I look longingly at it but don't like to go by myself as even the other GPS who go seem to know the young mums. It's really hard to go in alone when others look connected yet if I never go I'll never know! I've just finished an online course on the science of colours which said blue is the best colour to wear to make friends so maybe I'll wear my blue top and go next week!

BettyBoo
If I was you I would check to see if there is a Rock Choir in your area. At one time we could have written our list of friends on the back of a postage stamp and still had room to write the history of the world. Rock Choir has 95% women 5% Men. Rock Choir has 30,000 members throughout the UK and each area choir learns the same songs as everyone else each week so when we meet up en mass for big events we all know the same songs.
2500 of us sang at Wembley Stadium on the turf to a crowed of 84,000 at the cup final. We have also sang at the o2 / Albert Hall / NEC /Recorded at Abbey Road Studios and many more locations. You do not have to audition or sing solo. We have made some really close friends from the choir they are from all walks of life and backgrounds. You can go along for a free try out to see if you like it, most who come along do and make friends as I am sure you will.If you become a member the fee is about £5 per week.

It sounds awfully twee but really DD is my best friend. She only lives 10 minutes away and we've always been in the same wavelength about most things. I've got a school friend I've known for 60 years and we still meet up regularly. My other closest friend is one I met through work about 30 years ago. She lives 300 miles away but we keep in touch on Facebook. Locally I've got people that I stop and chat to, but I wouldn't class them as friends. I think I really prefer talking to people on Gransnet because we get into detailed discussions and you can find which ones you really relate to.

me to I am disabled no friends at all I live in Chelmsford Essex, I would love to meet up if you are near me. roger

If your on Facebook there are lots of over 60s groups...just type in over 60s and they should come up. I only joined on Saturday and have already made friends with 6 local people. You have to be proactive though and ask if anyone would like to meet for coffee on a certain day in your local town. Good luck

Please go online and find your nearest Rockchoir. You can have a free taster session. I joined in January and have enjoyed it very much. I've made friends and been on several trips with the choir. No need to be able to read music or have a good voice.It's great fun. I look forward to the weekly rehearsals very much. The songs are popular ones - eg Uptown Girl and we have a bit of a dance too. Find it at www.rockchoir.com

I've been reading your posts with interest. I look after grandchildren now so have retired from full time work. I find it very lonely. Mum and toddler groups are full of young mums who are friendly but I would like a friend who I could have a bit more in common with.

Hi thanks for your replys I live in Essex
I think sometimes it's not easy to join a group of working
And I'm not really a person that likes to knit
I have my dogs and they take up some time and work does too
But evenings I get bored and would be nice to have a mate a friend to chat
Too but I realise the trust issue can take a while to built up X

I tried Rockchoir it was brilliant but very expensive.

I am sure you are a really nice person bettyboo22 and I hope you can find what you are looking for. One thing I do notice about your follow up post is that it sounds more negative than positive. You have picked out the things you don't like/can't do but not actually looked at anything you can do. If that is your general outlook, you might find that people find it a little wearing. Of course, you might normally be more positive than you are feeling today but it might be something to think about. Good luck x

I have decided to retire early (56) at end of school year. My DH is younger than me and will remain working. I have a couple of good friends but they will not retire for at least 5 or 6 years. I have sisters in Devon and do go down to visit every 6 weeks for an overnight stay and lunch out but no friends around me who are not working full time. I would happily meet up with others once a month in Midlands area for coffee/lunch and happy to travel.

I'm in the same boat. I used to have a few close friends but moved away and neither I nor the previous friends drive. I also have a post-concussion chronic fatigue which stops me going out a lot unless hubbie takes me. He's still working. I am trying to get up early enough to start going to church, which is difficult as there are no evening services in my area (Milton Keynes) and I find it very hard to get up early!

My late Mother-in-law (who lived to be 100!)was widowed when she was 68. A few months later I asked her how she was coping and how was her social life etc. She said: "I don't wait for people to phone me, otherwise I could be waiting forever. I phone them and we make plans." She had a wonderful group of friends for many, many years, but it was the effort she invested in these relationships that kept the friendships going.

Friends don't come to us, ready-made and ready to go. We have to make the effort to seek them out and then nourish the friendships we deem worthwhile.

Good luck Bettyboo. And don't be afraid. There are probably thousands of people like you who are longing for one or two really good friendships. Good luck.

Making friends as I get older is very hard for me. I am introverted and have OCD and anxiety, which makes it twice as hard for me to integrate. I get anxious when going to any events and hate the physical feelings I get, so tend to back out of these things and retreat to my home.............

I don't know what the answer is for me, but I do worry that I am very reliant on my DH.....I think 'what would I do if I was on my own?'.....it scares me!!!

I'm another friendless soul. After my first marriage ended, I realised that my friends weren't really who they seemed, and disappeared into the woodwork. My second husband wasn't very sociable, and in fact almost discouraged people from being friendly. After he died I was in my late 40s and found it hard to make friends on my own.

Now I'm married again (triumph of hope over experience....?!) and we don't have many places to meet people where we live. I'm friendly and outgoing and find it easy to talk to people, but my mother created a daughter who is very lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem, and I never think that anyone really wants to know me.

It's good to know that I'm not alone - I thought that everyone had friends except for me.