No friends

I also struggle with friends as does my DH. He is a member of an international voluntary service organisation and as such we know huge numbers of people but have made no real friends. I am of the mindset that no one would really want to be my friend and my DH seems to lack social skills (he is happiest in a formal situation). People say to me "we must meet up for coffee", but they never get back to me to actually arrange it and I think they only say it to be kind. My situation is not helped by the fact that I don't drive. Would it help if people posting on here about this problem, and there seems to be a lot of us, said where they lived so if we are near anyone we could meet up?

Hi I thought I am the only lonely woman,thanks so much for coming forward.Everything you wrote about is just me.I just moved home and I desperately want friends what area are you?I am in Norwood SE London.Any lonely soul about? Good luck and all the best.

I too am female friendless. I retired two years ago and have tried to keep busy joining various activities and volunteering in a charity shop. But have yet to meet anyone who has said let's meet up for a coffee etc. I was beginning to think it must be me - maybe I send out the wrong vibes? I would love to have a friend or two locally that I could do things with, without being part of an organized group. Basically I'm quite shy and don't have good social skills. It's going to be another 5 years before my husband retires and my two children live a long way away. Anyone in the south Cumbria area like to meet up?

This has been such an encouraging discussion. I thought I was alone in not having close friends. Having a bad marriage, being overwhelmed with bad family stuff, a carer almost all my life, I missed out on the coffee mornings and never had time to develop real friendships. I have friends but not the sort who know they can drop in any time. No one to go too if I just want cheering up.
I feel better knowing it isn't just me.

I have no real friends where we live now, having left my close friends in London when we moved, and just have "friendly acquaintances". However I don't let it bother me - I still have a DH and don't really feel the need as I'm pretty self-reliant. I suspect that I might feel very differently if I was on my own.

I did join a friendly walking/exercise group after I moved and met quite a few very pleasant women, but found that the chat on the walk was enough for me and didn't follow it through to more lasting friendship.

Deny I feel exactly the same as you, social anxiety really holds me back.I could no more join a group than fly to the moon Luckily I enjoy my own company and I do have a good friend although she is always busy, busy, busy. I think a lot about what my life would be if something happened to my husband and it scares me too.

Im friendless too Was widowed 7 years ago and the only people i see now are my Mum and 2 Sons who live with me. I feel so isolated and i know im a good person. Im near Bristol if anyone wants to meet for a coffee

I don't think anyone has said this, but making friends when we're older takes time, patience and commitment - friendships don't just happen by chance or instantly!

If you 're really serious about this and fully understand how important socialization is to us as we age, then make it a priority. Find a club or a group in your area to join that you have some interest in. Go regularly - that is so important - introduce yourself whenever the opportunity arises, and ask people about themselves, how long they have been coming, what interests them most about the group etc. By being interested in the people around you, conversations flow more easily. Listening - really listening is more important that talking about yourself and your own situation.

Finally, the most important advice is "be patient" - it takes time to be gain acceptance as the new person in the group! Many of those people have formed good friends within the group but if you wait your time, genuinely enjoy participating in whatever the club or group is trying to achieve and go regularly, then friendships it will gradually happen over time!

I have no friends either, just lost a friend I hadn't seen for years, we lost touch found out she died in November.

It would be so helpful if we could just create a sort of list of where we all are.
Anyone else in South Wales?

Have you tried gransnet local ? Like others I would recommend U3A , it's only £10 a year and they have lots of different activities. Also try WI, they're not all jam and Jerusalem these days !. I'm also in Essex but not sure if I'm near to you

What about Gransnet Local - wouldn't that be a helpful resource to make local friends? You could post local meet ups and take it from there?

Greetings Bettyboo! I thought I was so on my own feeling this way and it has opened my eyes that others feel the same. I have always had plenty of acquaintances, work colleagues and receive cards at Christmas from people from way back, but when it comes to having 'best' friends, I have none, and I envy those who go on 'girly' weekends away, fun evenings out, coffee mornings, etc, as I certainly have nobody I could do this with. Most of the ladies I know already have their circles of close friends and I am on the outside. I still work part-time, but as I get closer to total retirement I do have worries about how I will spend my time for fun, with ladies of my own age and interests. In the past I have been a member of WI, and I like the idea of U3A, as suggested by others. I have a DH, but sometimes it's just someone of my own age/sex to have a good laugh with and interests to share. In some ways, I feel better that others experience a similar problem, but hopefully we will all find some way of feeling less isolated on the friends front.

Yes, Some interesting posts on here that I can identify with.
Aged nearly 62 I have lost contact with two friends in the last couple of years.
One has moved her man in, so if we do meet up he has to come along as well.
The other one I met through doing dancing, but her husband and her have recently gone through 're-negotiating' their relationship', so don't see her any more.
Joined meet up about a year ago and the concept is good, but the dining can be costly. Walks and quizzes are good, when I'm not working.
I live in North Wiltshire and currently looking for someone to pal up for a holiday next year.

Hello I live in Paignton / Torbay.

I am a 66 year old grandma, but I hardly ever see family. I am busy and active; a member of various groups and do plenty of voluntary work, but I'm another who has no female chums to natter with.

If anyone local is feeling lonely, and would like an occasional chat I would be happy to meet up and see how we go from there.

I am thinking it would be good if there was some sort of a page, (by area,) on Gransnet to help people link up this way.

Join a local walking group or, if there isn't one, set one up! Often people find it easier to talk when they don't always have to make eye contact and walking is a great way of doing that. Or volunteer with local national trust etc.

I have just read all the messages above and agree U3A is good also craft clubs. There is a group called, Meet Up, and of course always volunteering. My husband was my best friend and I lost him to cancer. I volunteer, go to groups etc but I think you just have to accept things will never be the same again and get on with life.
I live in West Yorkshire if anyone is near.

I think there is an element of pot luck to finding a friend.
As has been said, lots of folk are 'putting themselves out there' which is absolutely the right thing to do. Nobody is going to come knocking asking to be your friend.
You have to find someone you "click" with - You can have people you socialise with, people you have coffee with etc, but there has to be something more, and it can be instant, or a 'slow burn' type of attraction to a real "mates" relationship
This thread is marvellous! Its got out into the open an issue which seems to be rather taboo. thank you very much!

I have no friends either. Moving around the country for many years hasn't helped.
I am still working age and get on with people I work with, but there is no after work get togethers.
I find it quite daunting to attend clubs etc on my own, and when i have tried in the past I find that most sit in their cliques and don't want/ allow new people to get involved.

I am single and live on my own with my 16 yr old and it does get very lonely at times not having someone else I can turn to or meet up with.

The British Red Hatters Society is a great group for the over 50's and they have a sister group The Pink Hatters for those under. They say: Live, Love, Laugh
Or - how to grow old disgracefully...
It sounds like a great way to meet friends if you like going out and don't mind wearing a red hat

Gillybob!!!

I must give off an unfriendly sort of vibe

I haven't read the whole thread, so I don't know if anyone else has replied to you.
Having met you several times I can categorically state that the above statement is a load of bollocks quite untrue.
I think your problem is that you have many commitments and being self-employed in a small company makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to make friends in work.
If you weren't so busy we could have more meet-ups!!

Nanny 27 Rock Choir expensive ??? It cost £25 per month that covers the hire cost of the rehearsing halls and the choir leaders wage I would not say that it is expensive at all.

Whether £25 a month seeems expensive or not depends how much "spending money" is left when all the essentials are paid for.

Hi, when we moved to East Kent 15 years ago it was difficult to get to know local people. We are in a cul de sac and neighbours are friendly in passing but we have only managed a little social contact with one couple ( nearly as old as us!) I am. School governor and meet people there, but not to "be friends" . My husband is now disabled which makes things a bit more difficult. Last year I tried to start a local Gransnet group, I managed to get 3 meetings organised. Out of5/6 people contacted, we had 4 at the 1st meeting, 1 at the next! 3 at the next, my car broke down going to the next - but 2 people met. I heard from the Kent representative on email, but she couldn't meet up. I became a bit disheartened at trying to get people together and no one has contacted me since. I may give it another go, but I'm not encouraged by my experience. Luckily I have 3 daughters and a son who keep in touch - What's App, phone calls email and we do meet up occasionally, so I''m counting my blessings as my mum taught me!!

The U3A is really great for getting to know new people - our local group has been marvellous for helping people who live alone - widowed, divorced or lifetime singles. I myself have loads and loads of acquaintances because I and DH are involved in lots of organisations locally, but I do not have a really close friend or friends. I don't think I ever have had. This is partly because we moved around a lot when we were first married, and partly because that is just how I am I think. My mum and dad had no close friends at all - just each other. Luckily my mum lived well into her 80's and when she passed away, my dad was not interested in getting to know anyone else. My role models, then, were not conducive to making close friendships! I hope I don't end up confined to the house with no visitors, but I just have to accept myself as I am.