No friends

If anyone is close enough to bluewater and free this thursday 15th come along to waterstones cafe at 11.30 am. All welcome. Plus an opportunity to have a bit if a shop before/after.

There is a real difference between close acquaintances and friends.

I have always been a joiner and I have been in several groups for decades, we all know each other well, enjoy lunching on meeting days, one group organises a short coach holiday every spring and we all get on really well, but, but, but....

All our relationship is organised round the group, however easy we all are, with none of them do I have a personal relationship; ask them to my house, have coffee on a one-to-one basis, or would want to confide in.

What happened to your old school/university/work colleagues, old and present neighbours, mums from your child's school, people you met on holiday etc. Did you lose them along the way? However, it's never too late to start again. Friends have to be cultivated, favours done for them, outings, experiences and discussions shared.

Walking the dog is a good place to start,volunteering in charity shops, theatre groups always need people and not just for acting, hearing children read in school, helping at mother and toddler groups in church halls or Brownies, joining clubs or local political parties, ramblers, reading groups, library activities, singles holiday companies and so on.

The list is endless and charities and church groups will never turn your help away (you don't have to be a believer) but no one is going to come knocking on your door begging for your friendship. Be well informed about current affairs/what's popular on tv etc. so you have plenty to talk about. Invite your neighbours round for a cuppa.

Do you smoke? I always cross smokers off my list, I'm afraid, when meeting new people no matter how interesting they are as I can't stand the smell of stale tobacco on their clothes near me. Are you a Moaning Minnie? Think about why you have no friends and set out TOMORROW to change your life and find some!

Funny,I was having this conversation with my DD yesterday.My problem is I'm now single and I've got handful of good friends but one is in Colorado, one unfortunately has had a breakdown and now lives in Leicester and both my local friends are in long term relationships. I do get to see my local ones about once a month but I would like someone that I could call up and say do you fancy a day trip or lunch or mooch round garden centre or an evening out.But where do you start I'm very socialable and chat to anyone but it's finding people that have same interests as yourself as I'm young at heart and luckily in fairly good health. I'm in Hertfordshire but my local GN is 50 minute drive away, anyone else in Hertfordshire.?

Like most of you....all my friends either live abroad, so we have lost touch, and my closest friend died 6 years ago. I worked full time so never really had time to make friends over the years. I moved from London to a small village with my husband, thinking I'm bound to make friends. Yes, I've met lots of people, but none that fit the profile! They are very inward thinking and are not interested in talking about anything other than what so and so down the road has been up to. Tittle tattle definitely not for me! Most of them don't like music! so another no no. I just don't go to the many events here in the village anymore. Instead I work in a charity shop, away from the village, 2 afternoons a week and meet lots of different people and have gone to events with them. I'm happy in my own company as well, so not really a problem for me.

Tessa whereabouts in Hertfordshire? At the end of a tube line?

Cannot believe this post has over 100 comments it's obviously a lot more common than was expected. Let's hope me included, that at least some of us get a chance to maybe get a few that are near to each other and meet up seems such a shame that after all these comments with sooo many in same situation that we don't make something happen.

Charleygirl St Albans but am willing to travel.

Yes, I lost friends along the way. Stuff happens, people move, change, get involved, follow different paths. There shouldn't be any reason to feel embarrassed to say "I've not got a close friend, but would like one". For me, looking after my mum isolated me, and I have other family stuff which doesn't make socialising very possible. Besides which, I have no intention whatsoever of going out all dressed up to dance.
I have too many commitments to be able to volunteer, and I have joined meet up groups. As I said, I was looking after my mum and missed some of the things that had been arranged, then was removed from the groups. Its just life. My self esteem is fine, I'm happy with my own company. I enjoy a laugh and have mostly my own teeth. I just dont have a close friend!

Hi I live in Pinner and am in my 70s.Would love to meet ladies
for tea/coffee/theatre trips.I am not lonely but like to meet
new people.Any ladies out there between Harrow and Watford.
Lets start a new friendship.

I have noticed that, like myself, most of the posts are from only children. I have always been content with my own company but on reading these posts I realise that I would like someone in my life who I could really talk with and share interests, etc. Once I married, had children, worked,etc, I didn't really miss having a close friend. I keep in touch with old school friends but I don't seem to have time to socialise, etc. My husband is in poor health so spend a lot of time with him, I have granny duties which I love and dog walk so my days are filled but think having a close friend (or two) would be a bonus and can really understand how most of the posters feel.

I organised the recent local meet up for Liverpool and Wirral Gransnet. I posted about it for ages before the meet and we had 4 of us. I'm intending to organise another one before the schools break up and we have the DGC around so if anyone is in the area I'd love to meet you!

I've recently moved to Caddington (near Luton) and although it's only a 40 minute drive from where we used to live and I keep in touch with our old friends, it would be nice to meet local people to pop out and have a quick coffee....anyone interested?

Have a look at the topic page www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you

There may be a group already meeting near where you live and if there isn't, you could start a thread on there about a meet-up.

If you have a dog it means you can chat to other dog walkers, when DH and I moved here it was a way to meet new people. I'm also a member or National Housewives Register, WI, and go to a sewing class, and an upholstery class. I think you have to be a little bit brave and just talk to people. Mind you DH is always amazed at the way I talk to people,in buses and queues!

Try googling (meet up) then your area. Great for social meets with like minded people. Friendship develops over time. Just put yourself out there and see what happens. I don't have a close friend either having been let down in the past I now findit is easier to just have people that I meet up with for various activities

I try to go out and have recently joined the u3a and go to a couple of their groups,but I doubt any friendships will follow. I am a quiet person so I'm told! Which May be part of the problem.
I did have a clutch of really good friends but all except one have sadly died,and I try not to be a hanger on to her as she has many other friends.
It might be worth a try the u3a,and even if no friends come at least there are interest groups to enjoy!

I worry that I don't have many. My best friend died 9 years ago. We moved areas and that was a real struggle. Moved back to near where we used to live but only have one close friend near me. Did join a Meetup group but they started meeting more at the weekends and as I work full time and am married didn't want to leave husband to meet up. I think it's harder making real friends when you ar older.

How refreshing it has been to read this thread! I have long felt that there's something wrong with me as I too have very few (2 at best) close friends, loads of acquaintances from WI, Pilates, U3A (lapsed), but I have no idea how to change acquaintances into friends. I always feel as if I am on the outside looking in which can be quite uncomfortable. I am sure some of it stems from being an only child, and I do admit to having a very sharp sense of humour along with finding it hard to wind my neck in at times ?. I am in Gloucestershire

I also feel like this. I am due out tonight so can't hang around just now and I will catch up when I have read this thread.

Hi yes I'm on Facebook and have connected with school friend
But no real friend who wants you about

I haven't read all the messages but I'm sure someone else will have suggested U3A. As a chair of my local U3A I heard so many times how joining had helped people who were lonely and saw first hand many new friendships formed. There shoul be one nearby, give it a try. You won't regret it, just take that first step.

I agree with Gillybob and some of the others.I belong to a local group of the National Trust,I volunteer for Age UK and go to a dance/exercise class.I've met a lot of new people I can call friends,but I don't see them outside of these groups.My husband lives in a care home now,in the old days we always just went places together,I've never been one for going about with groups of women.I can relate to Gillybob,I sometimes don't feel confident mixing with people,especially if they've had good careers,I always just did shop work.We shouldn't put ourselves down too much,I've built a life for myself,I have family to spend time with too.I go out by myself as well,it can be quite nice just to please myself where I go,we can't all be life and soul of the party,perhaps we shouldn't worry.

South East Cheshire. I just emailed a not so local NWR group.

Salvia I'm in St Albans but happy to drive to meet, charleygirl in Harrow she has a meet up there I believe is monthly, maybe we could tag along sometime.