No friends

Hi Bettyboo22 and everyone else, this thread strikes a chord with me too! I am in need of friends, and like someone said I have a friend who I meet up with, but although she's not boastful she has a lovely life and I come away feeling more down st times!
I would love to meet up with you Bettyboo22 and anyone else near me, anyone in Hornchurch, upminster or Romgord area? Perhaps we can set up our own little coffee club or afternoon tea club? Anyone fancy it? X

Having read most of this interesting thread, I think that we mustn't feel 'odd'. Probably our mothers had this coffee morning/chatting for hours outside the butchers thing in the 1950s and 1960s because their careers weren't taken particularly seriously after the kids came along. Secondly I think we've moved geographically a lot more than previous generations. We are also the NHS generation, physically in better condition than previous generations, and probably more used to travelling, more mobile. Retirement comes as a massive shock to the system. Let's just get out there and find out what others are doing. And let's join them if we can. (And thank goodness for the internet)

Sparkle 199, i mentioned earlier in this post that we have a meet up arranged in bluewater this thursday 11.30 in waterstones cafe. You are just over the bridge so if you can make it you are very welcome.

Find your local U3a

www.u3a.org.uk/find-a-u3a.html

I never really had close friends when I worked, usual busy home life & family. When DH & I moved to Somerset we made some new friends, one in particular I'm in regular contact with (phone). She is probably my closest friend but is now 70 miles away from where I now live in South Devon (almost Dartmoor).

I moved just over 2 years ago after being widowed, I am near my DD & DGSs. I have had to make new friends, my neighbours are lovely & very friendly.

I have joined a couple of Meet Up groups & enjoy going out, being able to choose which outings I go on. I do intend to join WI as well.

I am an only child, brought up in the country with few friends around, this has made me independent & quite self-sufficient. I love reading, crosswords & sudoku. I can fill my time very easily, I love gardening. I do enjoy company & sharing outings with other people but equally can enjoy my own company, I do go out & about on my own.

I have a mix of friends that I have known for many years and friends made in the last few years since moving. Made through the local WI.

I don't think I've ever had what I call a true friend - to me that is someone I can tell anything to and there it stops - but I've been caught out so many times, so called friends talking behind my back and then it eventually gets back to me. So now I find I can't trust anyone and so I don't have my longed for friend, so remain a loner.

Thank you silverlining48, would love to join you but unfortunately I will be at work, but will bear you in mind for the future!x

I think gransnet does do local meets, if you check on the forum. Sure someone else can guide you better. I would also recommend meetup. Through this, I've met a wonderful group of women, all ages and nationalities.
Meetup has so many different options of interests. Not expensive either.
Also hear university of third age is good. One just been set up near me, which I'm going to check out.

So difficult to admit to yourself that you're lonely isn't it? I have a friend from school, we meet up once a year and that's it. I have no local friends, I've lived where I live now for about 15 years and hardly know anyone. I have my DH and we travel round in our motorhome and basically still keep to ourselves. we have a very large family and often think if we were to die in our sleep they'd never notice, well that is until they needed us to babysit. Just had a thought, is there a Grandad's Net? Maybe that's the answer to have a Gran and Grandad's Net for helping all the lonely people to meet up, have online chats and maybe make new relationships.

This thread has made me feel so good, I thought I was the only one with no friends and that there must be something wrong with me. My Sister was my best friend but unfortunately she passed away in January and now I feel lost, I have no-one to confide in or ask advice from or just sit and chat with a coffee. I have been divorced for 30 yrs now and all the friends I had when I was married very quickly fell away. I'm not one that enjoys going to groups etc. I have my cross stitching, sewing and jigsaws and my grandchildren to keep me busy, but sometimes you just need that special person to talk to.

Life is so complicated! There really isn't any one reason for loneliness and it can strike out of the blue particularly when circumstances suddenly change. Neither myself or DH are only children but all our siblings are scattered. My parents moved constantly but DH's parents lived all their married lives in the one house. You do grow apart from old school friends as your life experiences change you. Few of our work colleagues were ever more than just colleagues as work was all we had in common.

Unexpected things happen too. DH and I moved home nearly three years ago primarily to live in a bungalow suitable for our old age but also to be nearer our group of friends. We love our new home but the friendship part has been a disaster! New people joined our friendship group and gradually we found ourselves edged out, then ostracized, and finally totally excluded. Then at the beginning of this year DH was coming home from an errand when someone crashed into him and caused a terrible accident from which he is still struggling to recover. We have felt the loss of our friends keenly since then although the people who joined our friendship group and caused such mayhem have left and some of the original group have made contact with us again. However, although we have had callers and have been out for lunch with one couple it really is very difficult to trust again. We find ourselves waiting for the next blow to fall!
We are persisting with reaching out to neighbours with not much success so far but we will keep trying.
I don't think I have ever felt so lonely in my life since we have been confined to the house because DH was in a wheelchair to start with and I couldn't manage to get him in or out of our home so we stayed put! DH is my carer so that aspect has been very difficult although Social Services were brilliant, helped us so much and even pointed us in the right direction to get a home help who is a treasure. Family tag-teamed to help us to start with but are too far away to be easily available but will come again as they can.
I am so thankful to still have my DH as I could so easily have lost him and I so relate to those who have said they dread being left on their own. I truly dread this as DH was in hospital for weeks to start with and I certainly had a taste of what it might be like. I have learnt much through all this though and I now know that I can and will manage whatever happens and there are some really super people and services about who can and will help. My Gran used to say ( often!) that "God helps those who help themselves" and I think that if you can gather your courage and go for it then it is true albeit hard.
If you can get out and about on your own at least you have more of a chance to do something about loneliness but it is terribly difficult if you are housebound. (((Hugs))) and to all those in this situation.

Pretend that you are going in for open heart surgery and then you get a thread of your own and plenty of friends wishing you well!

No, really, I am going in for real surgery.

But, I have found some lovely friends through doing it. A few in hospital, ones who are helping me out here and of course, Aunt Ann and all you lovely ladies who have been supporting me every step of the way. I would be lost without you and would have been for the last few years, thank you. Xxx

It is very hard when no one seems to care, but, and I am my own worst enemy for this, you have to force yourself to go out and mingle a bit. If you can. Having a doggie helps to make conversations with people, we meet so many people when I take her out with me, I think what will be a five minute excursion turns into an hour of chatting, laughing, bonding. Dog walkers are always willing to stop and chat I find. I find the budgie flyers club not as chatty, they tend to be looking up in the sky a lot of the time, with the harnessed budgie on a 'lead' and not concentrating on the conversation.

I'm in the U3A, there are dozens of U3A's all across the country and all different. Due to the nature of the U3A being for over 50's there are far more ladies than men in most local U3A's. All sorts of activity groups. As for friendships that's very much a lottery, you may find some soulmates or none at all. My wife joined our local church though I don't go along; she has made many friends.

Try the U3A National Website which has links to the local ones. A few but really very few man-woman relationships do start in the U3A. Quite a few couples.

Rubylady My goodess that has been quite a wait for you, II have been out of the loop for quite a while and thought you had already been in for surgery. Is it soon now? Wishing you all the best when it happens.

How nice to read a thread that is full of support and helpful advice and, yes, friendship. Sadly lots of threads turn into slanging matches with harsh words and criticism , this one has been a refreshing change. I hope the OP has found some comfort

What this thread is revealing is that the image we have of other people's social lives/perfect families/friendship groups and so on is a long way from reality
I have some acquaintances /friends I like a lot but I get fed up (OK if I am honest) of ther endless Facebook posts about lunch with friends here, drinks there, afternoon tea somewhere else, spa days or weekends and short breaks with "the girls" etc etc
Nobody ever posts "sitting on my own again, haven't been out of the house for 2 days, cat sick on the carpet, children haven't rung for 3 weeks and the milk has gone off"
My mum tried to instil into me to "have a good friend you have to be a good friend," but it does not always work out like that does it?
Too many years of putting the children first, a not very sociable DH and then financial problems aggravated by major health issues put paid to a social life as a couple a long time ago. Neglected friends have fallen by the wayside and despite my best intentions, relationships have become too distant.
So, sorry for moaning, I need to take my own advice which is to get up, get out, and also rethink my attitude. There are things one can do alone and I rarely go to anything on my own without ending up chatting to another woman of our sort of age. Also, alone does not have to mean lonely, it can mean being able to please yourself about when, how and where you spend your time.

MawBroon thank you I wish I had a friend like you in real life.

I have a few good friends whom i have known for years , trouble is they all live some distance away now . That is the reason i suggested the meet up in bluewater because i too would like to increase my friendship circle especially
locally. Our first meeting had about 9 gransnetters, it all went well, the second around 5, ditto, so wonder what this Thursday's meeting brings. My husband had a prostate operation a week ago and this will be the first chance i have had to get out of the house and i am looking forward to it.

morethan

Ruby you did make me laugh about the budgie club Still hanging on in there - hopefully they won't cancel you again!

I used to know 'everyone' in my local area when my kids were little, I now have two not very close local friends and I wouldn't know how to set about making more!

Thankyou ladies for this thread, I thought I was the only one in the world who has a social phobia. I do have a few friends, not many, but I'm happy with them and my daughters and stepdaughter who live close and are wonderful friends. My problem is that I keep imagining that one of them or sometimes all has gone off me and I feel like an awful person. I always realise in the end that all that is a lot of nonsense but I give myself a lot of grief over it.
PS, is there really such a thing as a budgie walking club?

Yes know the feeling. An only child with no close relative with a husband suffering from depression who doesn't want to go anywhere. People have now melted away and have stopped inviting us anywhere as they know he will probably not come and I would turn up in my own. My two close friends have family/grandchildren and are both ill so have very little spare time so even though we email rarely see them. I go out with some old school friends every 6 weeks but they are all healthy, have more money and are always talking about children/grandchildren and the constant hols, haven't had one in 6 years. We moved because if health reasons s to a part of town where I know no one, neighbours say hallo and that is it. I have tried joining clubs etc but again polite but that is it as they all go in two and three no one their own. I am limited to what activities I can join because of my health. I've joined library groups but again they have all known one another for year and live near one another. I am naturally outgoing and sociable and I feel this is slowly killing me. I had such marvellous plans for retirement and am running out if ideas to try. I want friends I can see face to face rather than a message on an email. My heart goes out to others in the same situation.x

Is there something about persevering here? It takes time for acquaintances to turn into friends. Keep going back to the groups and clubs! Don't give up because others seem to know each other.
Also, it occurred to me while reading this thread that people seem to be looking for different levels of friendship: some seem to want a close friend to share everything with but others seem to be looking for companionship either in a group or organisation. The latter is more attainable physical condition/transport constraints permitting. Closer 1:1 friendships may emerge from this.
When I was stuck at home over the winter recovering from my knee op I did find online companionship very reassuring. I sometimes felt I'd been chatting all day. I made a particular online chum who I'm now in phone contact with and we're meeting up soon.
GN meetups have been fun. Int the internet brilliant?!