No friends

Have you tried gransnet local ? Like others I would recommend U3A , it's only £10 a year and they have lots of different activities. Also try WI, they're not all jam and Jerusalem these days !. I'm also in Essex but not sure if I'm near to you

It would be so helpful if we could just create a sort of list of where we all are.
Anyone else in South Wales?

I have no friends either, just lost a friend I hadn't seen for years, we lost touch found out she died in November.

I don't think anyone has said this, but making friends when we're older takes time, patience and commitment - friendships don't just happen by chance or instantly!

If you 're really serious about this and fully understand how important socialization is to us as we age, then make it a priority. Find a club or a group in your area to join that you have some interest in. Go regularly - that is so important - introduce yourself whenever the opportunity arises, and ask people about themselves, how long they have been coming, what interests them most about the group etc. By being interested in the people around you, conversations flow more easily. Listening - really listening is more important that talking about yourself and your own situation.

Finally, the most important advice is "be patient" - it takes time to be gain acceptance as the new person in the group! Many of those people have formed good friends within the group but if you wait your time, genuinely enjoy participating in whatever the club or group is trying to achieve and go regularly, then friendships it will gradually happen over time!

Im friendless too Was widowed 7 years ago and the only people i see now are my Mum and 2 Sons who live with me. I feel so isolated and i know im a good person. Im near Bristol if anyone wants to meet for a coffee

Deny I feel exactly the same as you, social anxiety really holds me back.I could no more join a group than fly to the moon Luckily I enjoy my own company and I do have a good friend although she is always busy, busy, busy. I think a lot about what my life would be if something happened to my husband and it scares me too.

I have no real friends where we live now, having left my close friends in London when we moved, and just have "friendly acquaintances". However I don't let it bother me - I still have a DH and don't really feel the need as I'm pretty self-reliant. I suspect that I might feel very differently if I was on my own.

I did join a friendly walking/exercise group after I moved and met quite a few very pleasant women, but found that the chat on the walk was enough for me and didn't follow it through to more lasting friendship.

This has been such an encouraging discussion. I thought I was alone in not having close friends. Having a bad marriage, being overwhelmed with bad family stuff, a carer almost all my life, I missed out on the coffee mornings and never had time to develop real friendships. I have friends but not the sort who know they can drop in any time. No one to go too if I just want cheering up.
I feel better knowing it isn't just me.

I too am female friendless. I retired two years ago and have tried to keep busy joining various activities and volunteering in a charity shop. But have yet to meet anyone who has said let's meet up for a coffee etc. I was beginning to think it must be me - maybe I send out the wrong vibes? I would love to have a friend or two locally that I could do things with, without being part of an organized group. Basically I'm quite shy and don't have good social skills. It's going to be another 5 years before my husband retires and my two children live a long way away. Anyone in the south Cumbria area like to meet up?

Hi I thought I am the only lonely woman,thanks so much for coming forward.Everything you wrote about is just me.I just moved home and I desperately want friends what area are you?I am in Norwood SE London.Any lonely soul about? Good luck and all the best.

I also struggle with friends as does my DH. He is a member of an international voluntary service organisation and as such we know huge numbers of people but have made no real friends. I am of the mindset that no one would really want to be my friend and my DH seems to lack social skills (he is happiest in a formal situation). People say to me "we must meet up for coffee", but they never get back to me to actually arrange it and I think they only say it to be kind. My situation is not helped by the fact that I don't drive. Would it help if people posting on here about this problem, and there seems to be a lot of us, said where they lived so if we are near anyone we could meet up?

I'm another friendless soul. After my first marriage ended, I realised that my friends weren't really who they seemed, and disappeared into the woodwork. My second husband wasn't very sociable, and in fact almost discouraged people from being friendly. After he died I was in my late 40s and found it hard to make friends on my own.

Now I'm married again (triumph of hope over experience....?!) and we don't have many places to meet people where we live. I'm friendly and outgoing and find it easy to talk to people, but my mother created a daughter who is very lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem, and I never think that anyone really wants to know me.

It's good to know that I'm not alone - I thought that everyone had friends except for me.

Making friends as I get older is very hard for me. I am introverted and have OCD and anxiety, which makes it twice as hard for me to integrate. I get anxious when going to any events and hate the physical feelings I get, so tend to back out of these things and retreat to my home.............

I don't know what the answer is for me, but I do worry that I am very reliant on my DH.....I think 'what would I do if I was on my own?'.....it scares me!!!

My late Mother-in-law (who lived to be 100!)was widowed when she was 68. A few months later I asked her how she was coping and how was her social life etc. She said: "I don't wait for people to phone me, otherwise I could be waiting forever. I phone them and we make plans." She had a wonderful group of friends for many, many years, but it was the effort she invested in these relationships that kept the friendships going.

Friends don't come to us, ready-made and ready to go. We have to make the effort to seek them out and then nourish the friendships we deem worthwhile.

Good luck Bettyboo. And don't be afraid. There are probably thousands of people like you who are longing for one or two really good friendships. Good luck.

I'm in the same boat. I used to have a few close friends but moved away and neither I nor the previous friends drive. I also have a post-concussion chronic fatigue which stops me going out a lot unless hubbie takes me. He's still working. I am trying to get up early enough to start going to church, which is difficult as there are no evening services in my area (Milton Keynes) and I find it very hard to get up early!

I have decided to retire early (56) at end of school year. My DH is younger than me and will remain working. I have a couple of good friends but they will not retire for at least 5 or 6 years. I have sisters in Devon and do go down to visit every 6 weeks for an overnight stay and lunch out but no friends around me who are not working full time. I would happily meet up with others once a month in Midlands area for coffee/lunch and happy to travel.

I am sure you are a really nice person bettyboo22 and I hope you can find what you are looking for. One thing I do notice about your follow up post is that it sounds more negative than positive. You have picked out the things you don't like/can't do but not actually looked at anything you can do. If that is your general outlook, you might find that people find it a little wearing. Of course, you might normally be more positive than you are feeling today but it might be something to think about. Good luck x

I tried Rockchoir it was brilliant but very expensive.

Hi thanks for your replys I live in Essex
I think sometimes it's not easy to join a group of working
And I'm not really a person that likes to knit
I have my dogs and they take up some time and work does too
But evenings I get bored and would be nice to have a mate a friend to chat
Too but I realise the trust issue can take a while to built up X

I've been reading your posts with interest. I look after grandchildren now so have retired from full time work. I find it very lonely. Mum and toddler groups are full of young mums who are friendly but I would like a friend who I could have a bit more in common with.

Please go online and find your nearest Rockchoir. You can have a free taster session. I joined in January and have enjoyed it very much. I've made friends and been on several trips with the choir. No need to be able to read music or have a good voice.It's great fun. I look forward to the weekly rehearsals very much. The songs are popular ones - eg Uptown Girl and we have a bit of a dance too. Find it at www.rockchoir.com

If your on Facebook there are lots of over 60s groups...just type in over 60s and they should come up. I only joined on Saturday and have already made friends with 6 local people. You have to be proactive though and ask if anyone would like to meet for coffee on a certain day in your local town. Good luck

me to I am disabled no friends at all I live in Chelmsford Essex, I would love to meet up if you are near me. roger

It sounds awfully twee but really DD is my best friend. She only lives 10 minutes away and we've always been in the same wavelength about most things. I've got a school friend I've known for 60 years and we still meet up regularly. My other closest friend is one I met through work about 30 years ago. She lives 300 miles away but we keep in touch on Facebook. Locally I've got people that I stop and chat to, but I wouldn't class them as friends. I think I really prefer talking to people on Gransnet because we get into detailed discussions and you can find which ones you really relate to.

BettyBoo
If I was you I would check to see if there is a Rock Choir in your area. At one time we could have written our list of friends on the back of a postage stamp and still had room to write the history of the world. Rock Choir has 95% women 5% Men. Rock Choir has 30,000 members throughout the UK and each area choir learns the same songs as everyone else each week so when we meet up en mass for big events we all know the same songs.
2500 of us sang at Wembley Stadium on the turf to a crowed of 84,000 at the cup final. We have also sang at the o2 / Albert Hall / NEC /Recorded at Abbey Road Studios and many more locations. You do not have to audition or sing solo. We have made some really close friends from the choir they are from all walks of life and backgrounds. You can go along for a free try out to see if you like it, most who come along do and make friends as I am sure you will.If you become a member the fee is about £5 per week.