No friends

Perth

I have no friends. My very dear friend of twenty years died in October. We had not seen each other for about ten years but spoke on the phone every night sometimes for ten minutes sometimes forty five minutes. I can chat to anyone but cannot make friends. I cannot go out much as my husband has dementia. Social services pay for a carer to sit with him for two hours on a Tuesday and two hours on a wednesday. I attend Mind in Midherts on those days. A motivation group and a cafe support group which are great but cannot seem to make friends there. Don't have much contact with children because of their dad's condition and my anxiety etc. I live in St Albans in Hertfordshire.

It's not easy is it. I think that I often go to things and then feel I should rush off home and get on with something. Whereas I should stay and chat to people and even suggest we go off and have coffee or lunch. I always think I should have lunch at home and save the money but it's better to be out as much as possible and spend the time chatting to someone.
Also must get in to the habit of inviting people round for supper or nibbles. Very easy to lose confidence.

I went to a meeting of grans about three weeks ago in York (see thread, meet-ups/where are you?) There were six of us altogether of varying ages and interests and I had a lovely afternoon. We were all total strangers to begin with but we had lots to chat about and definitely no embarrassing silences! Many thanks to oldgoat who arranged it. We hope to do it again in the New Year and anyone who can make it will be more than welcome!

It was good to meet you too artyfarty . I think it takes a bit of courage to go along to a meet-up when you don't know anybody else there but once you get chatting you seem to find that you have experiences in common with others round the table. Looking forward to our next meet-up in January.

To all who have posted on this thread that "I am in XXXX. If anyone else is near there . . ." do go to www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you and post the same thing on there, heading it up with the title "Meet-up in or near XXXX" or something similar. Then people in or near XXXX will see it and know that is what you would like.

That is a positive invitation, and is more likely to get a result than the more general heading of this post "No friends"

It just has to be accepted , I never, ever thought I would end up in isolation

The friends and relatives the same age as us or older all vanish one by one, and even those younger than us can be cruelly taken. We have to keep making new friends all the time. That isn't easy when you have difficulty getting out and about.

It's not always easy to make friends even when you join clubs I guess you have to keep trying.
We don't always hit it off with everyone that's life and of course it's more difficult if you are shy.
I have a husband and although we do have some interests which we share we also have things we like to do separately.
I have met several people through my interests but I am outgoing and chat with everyone.
Best of luck

I find thinking how blessed I have been with friends and loved ones no longer with me, such friendship , such love, is comforting.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Not so sure about that Elegran - sometimes the pain can be unbearable and the loneliness after they are gone crushing.

I have made lots of new friends since I got a dog. Not a choice for everyone I know and not the reason I got a dog but I have made friendships that I know will last.

I think that real friendship is based on many joint memories, so it (well for me) has become impossible to make new friends. Six months before I retired my second best friend died, and then six months after I retired my very best friend. I found it all extremely difficult (and, yes, it was about me!!). All the things we had planned to do when I retired disappeared.
I set out determined to make new friends and joined so many different local organisations. However, it was not to be - make lots of new aquaintances - but no friends. No-one I could just pop in when I felt down, or get them to come to me. I have now accepted this situation. Still have one friend whom I see about once a month. I have things I attend most days, but feel that the time for real friendships is long past.
One of my children still loves near me, and I usually have her and her daughter for a meal a couple of times a month. I do long weekends away visiting my other children and g.children.
So miss my bestie (even after nearly eight years), she and I would have a long phone call each evening, usually happily moaning about our children, etc. We had met when we were expecting our first babies and remained close friends for forty years. We knew things about each other that even our husbands did not. Nothing can ever replace that or fill that void.
Most of the time I am fine, but I do get lonely at times, even when I am surrounded by people. But have come to terms with the fact that friends are now a thing of the past.

True Elegran, the grief is the price we pay, very hard but never if we had never known that love what we would have missed.

I also have no real friends I know such a lot of people but they aren't real friends. I belong to many groups which I enjoy and enjoy the people also. some groups I have been going to for as long as 10 years. But no one has become a friend outside of the groups. I have learnt from all this that most people have already formed there friendships or have a family member ..They are quite comfortable in there lives and don't require anyone else...Joining groups is rewarding but doesn't guarantee making friends.

There are a lot of us out there. I fall between two stools in that my DH is still alive but works most of the time particularly at weekends. So I am not part of the retired couples lot or the single person group.
Filling my time during the week is easier than the weekends.
Our local Meetup is really good.

How comforting to read these posts. I have one friend since five years old who is like a sister. My other best friend died last year. We were so close for thirty years. We shared everything and laughed and cried together. I miss her so much.. I have friends at classes and I am in U3A although I don't attend much. It's not for everyone but may provide a degree of friendship. There are plenty of ways to have company- classes volunteering..... However close friendship is a different thing altogether . Some people make friends easily. Others don't. I don't. . That's just how it is. I find socialising one to one very tiring not helped by imperfect health (M.E.). I wish I had more energy but I don't. I wish I was more chatty but I'm not. If I really wanted more friends I think I would have made more effort over the years. I do wish I was different. I envy those I know who meet up most days for different activities and then coffee together and are jolly and chatty. We sometimes just need to be content. However I think it's great if people who are lonely on GN meet up. Good Luck ?

I am feeling bereft. My best friend is moving some considerable distance away to be nearer her family. She has been like the sister I never had so she will be a great loss. I have a lovely husband and one or two other close friends but I feel that, as friends move or pass on, it would be good to widen my circle. I have used some ways - e.g. a magazine's 'Find a Friend' column but have found that this attracts single women who want to go on holidays or away for weekends. I don't want to engage in this sort of activity without my husband. I'd just like to find a few more like-minded women who would meet up for coffee or lunch and a chat on a regular basis. As Charleygirl suggests mentioning location, I am based in North East England within easy reach of Newcastle upon Tyne.

I am adjusting to loneliness and it is difficult, always had a large extended family, church activities, voltenteer work, it all stopped last year. My granddaughters moving away this month ,they are the only people I see. I miss my sisters, so hard that they live in the same town. Have to accept it.

Again I am an only child,though now married but at an age that sadly most dear friends have died, in Care Homes or moved away.
I have never been one to spill my whole life out to a friend.
However I do love writing and this really has proved to be my saving grace.
It is relatively easy to make new friends these days... via the internet,....and thereby over time those friendships can turn into solid ones.
So for those whom say they would love friends I can only suggest being bold and get your request noted on these chat sites...........mentioning your area,age and a few of your likes/dislikes.In the fullness of time you will meet and form a budding new friendship that with nurturing on both sides can grow into a nice deep relationship...........if this is what you are looking for.

But you have to make some initial moves yourself, for otherways, you remain without!

Hi Lolly 69. I am in Cheshire and just wondered if you're local to me in Warrington?

Not sure if this has already been mentioned, but perhaps NWR (National Women's Register) might be useful to some posters??
www.nwr.org.uk/

Bluebelle* and Katycrunch I found that too in my U3A. People should be told to make new members feel welcome. It takes a lot of perseverence and having to push yourself a bit if you're shy. I hate cliques. I hope I never behave like that. I did eventually meet some U3A members who were not like that at all.

if it were as simple as " join this exciting club and make friends" everybody would have loads of friends.

I think you have to be in a certain frame of mind and fairly resilient to give it a go.

For example , a local charity shop was asking for volunteers. There was such animosity and pettiness between the manager ( who was under pressure to reach her targets) and a volunteer who criticised under her breathe to me , constantly. It was awful.