respectful parenting

Oh wait till these little darlings reach their teenage years. It will be a massive big payback for the parents stupidity. Also, what use to society and the workplace will they be? The mind boggles.

I too am very sick and tired of this so called neo 'parenting'! It does nothing but undermine the parents by putting the kids 'in charge'.

Daughter No 2 called me yesterday, distraught because my DGC, ages seven and nine have been misbehaving terribly lately. They are very disrespectful towards her and have even embarrassed her in public.

She thinks they'll feel unloved if she's too hard on them and added that they don't mind her anyway. I told her that her own insecurity was the biggest problem because those two know full well how much they are loved, perhaps too much.

She asked how she could get them to respect her but I didn't have a good answer. Truth is that once respect is lost, it's not that easy to gain it back!

If we as adults and parents etc. don't initiate hugs and kisses, how do babies learn to hug and kiss?
My son calls his sons "mate", and I think you are not his mate you're his parent.

I dread to think how these parents will cope with teenagers that do as they please when they are out until all hours and they are frantic with worry but by then it will be too late in some ways it's lazy parenting as it takes a lot longer to stand your ground with a child than give into them for an easy life

IMHO too many children these days are turned into little princes and princesses and behave accordingly (sorry, no disrespect to the real princes and princesses). You've only got to go into a supermarket or the doctor's waiting room to witness the sort of behaviour amongst kids that we, and certainly not OUR parents, would have put up with. Personally, I think a lot of it is down to both parents working so that when they ARE able to be with their children they over-compensate with treats and by excusing bad behaviour rather than dealing with it. I know, I know, we women fought to have jobs and families and to be equal, and quite right too, but it seems the pendulum has swung too far. It's been said before, and many times on GN, that kids are made the centre of attention, they are taken out, amused and entertained all the time and so are unable to amuse themselves or play together for more than five minutes. I know it's been said before and those with 'perfect' grandchildren will disagree with me but discipline and boundaries are good for children and too many of them just don't have that. OK - rant over. Must be the heat!

Saying 'No' and meaning if for the important things in life is so important (not all the time....pick your battles and be consistent) - you only have to watch an episode of the police chase type programmes to know that the little toe-rags who act all innocent when they are stopped/stingered/tazered(if only), were never told NO!

Oh my Goodness !!!!!!
Respectful Parenting ?
This is a recipe for absolute disaster. All I can see is a bunch of children growing up having absolutely no respect for anyone. Children need boundaries and structure.

I cannot help but wonder, when these children grow up and possibly have children of their own, will they practise Respectful Parenting themselves?
I suspect that because they have been so spoiled and selfish, they will be intolerant in nature and that they will not have the patience to put up with their own child making demands on them.
My heart goes out to you Tiggersuki. You give that dear little grandson of yours a huge hug whenever you can

OMG why oh why cant some parents just let their children be just that,, children,, their childhood is so restricted nowadays, no playing on the street with friends, no going to the park without an adult, they have such a restricted childhood and so many grow up way too quickly just because some parents want them to behave way above their age.

I dont know where you live jacksmum but my street is full of kids on bikes and scooters or playing football then they run up to the end of the road and play amongst the trees and head to the park...kids as young as 3 on a summers day .In winter they sledge on the wee hill behind my house .I get peed off answering the door to boys asking if they can go into my back garden toget their footballs...not that I mind them playing just that I keep telling them just to go get it and dont keep knocking the door .

The world is going mad!

I was a primary school teacher in a deprived area where families led chaotic lives and many children were left to their own devices. I found that without exception they really appreciated being given boundaries and many actually preferred school to home as it gave some structure to their lives. I'm still in touch with some of these kids, who have grown up to be adults who would be bewildered by "respectful parenting"!

wow PADDYANN i wish the children here could play like your children do, i live in the South east but parents do not feel safe letting their children play on the streets ,

How are children supposed to learn how to make decisions if they are not shown? This is insanity again. A gradual introduction as mentioned above - what colout t-shirt etc - by all means. But really, asking a 2 year old to have an opinion in ridiculous.
How about your children applying respectful parenting to you!

A friend of mine was a primary school teacher. One day a prospective parent saw her to explain that her (only child, a son) chose which name he would be called by each day and Mum had to guess the name and he would only speak to her when she had correctly guessed. She came to tell my friend it would not be a problem as she would make sure she found out his "daily" name before he came to school and she would tell her when she brought him to school!!
Friend said that child was enrolled as "Paul-or whatever it was" and that was the name he would be known as. There was no problem with his name at school-poor lad! What a wus for a Mum! I would love to know how he gets on now as an adult.
Just who is the adult round here? Sometimes you do wonder don't you when you see some children? Very sad. Especially on the hugs front.

PADDYANN&JACKSMUM i have lived in both the S.E of England and Scotland and know that these are 2 very different places, Children dont play out in the S.E and i think part of the reason is that neighbourhoods are full of strangers , people dont know their neighbours so those neighbours dont know who's child is who's so dont have an interest in the child. If a child was misbehaving the adult would not know how that childs parent would react if they told that child off or if the child fell and hurt themselves and they picked the child up to carry it to the parent, no doubt the parent would panic as a stranger had their child in their arms.
In Scotland neighbours talk, we know the children, we attend their christenings/birthday parties, wave them off to their first day at school and we know when they have scored their first goal.

Can hardly believe that Newquay how absolutely ridiculous of the parents to allow such a thing. Some things never cease to amaze though .

What a complete load of cobblers. I too, like another poster here had a look at Jane Lansbury's site, or whatever it's called, and ..... well, it's just drivel isn't it, and she charges $150 per hour, but can't take any more clients until August 2017.
Good god - that means she's actually getting paid to spout this utter bilge!!

On the positive side our GC's are now learning about tax, national insurance, pensions and the world of work - pity it doesn't seem to be covered in the 'respectful education' in schools these days!

I wonder if it's a consequence of the change since the 50s from having no control over having babies ( apart from withdrawal). You took what you were given and were grateful. Then came the cap then the pill, which gave us the choice.
Unless you're religious your babies are planned and recently some seem to be "trophy " babies.
So they tend to be treated like little princes and princesses. As the person said who described the situation with only children in Singapore.
So some parents treat their offspring with kid gloves.

Treating them with kid gloves, being over-protective and seeing danger lurking round every corner is not the same as allowing children to make their own decisions about every single aspect of their lives!

I'd love to see how some of these children who have been 'respectfully parented' turn out. And yes, what about school etc? Or are they home schooled? (only if they choose to be educated, of course...)

True, Ana, but could lead to it.
As someone said earlier, it's lazy parenting.

There are a number of "young" people (20s-30s) in the public eye these days who are so "up themselves", and now I know why!

When I was working with children and families, one of our key messages was 'parents run families, not children'. As has already been said, a choice of red or blue tshirt, orange or apple, juice or milk etc is fine. It helps toddlers who are at the stage of learning I Want doesn't always get.
I'm relieved my adult children and their partners are willing and able to establish routines and set a boundary or two. It's not rocket science is it. Children thrive with consistent routines and boundaries, with a bit of flexibility. ?

I have never heard such rubbish. Don't take any notice - pick him up anyway. Sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. I would have to say something. Too much pampering and pandering to children is bad for them. I hear parents running about after their kids, - asking one year olds - do they want to eat this, do they want to do that ? NOoooo!! Just tell them what you are all doing. They need direction and guidance at these young ages.
We brought up four boys very successfully - I certainly didn't pander to their every whim - we were a family doing things together and teaching them to respect each other's wishes and needs- but we were in charge. Now they are all excellent empathetic team people, not self centred individuals expecting others to run round them.

A new fad. and so easy to get the wrong end of the stick.

Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting Kindle Edition
by Janet Lansbury (Author)

As a new parent I did want a guide to refer to so that I could take responsible action if a problem arose. In my day it was Dr Spock.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14534094

Janet has a blogg so I am sure you can find out lots more from it. It would seem to me from a brief reading its about helping kids to understand their own feelings by acknowledging them. No doubt to help the development of a more confident sociable child and a greater emotional intelligence in the long run.

www.janetlansbury.com/2017/06/the-very-best-way-to-bond-with-a-child-a-grandparents-story/

I don't understand how anybody has the time or the energy to read all this stuff with a new baby. I was just exhausted. Even if I'd had time too read it all I wouldn't have taken it in- too sleep deprived!
I do believe children should have a voice and be listened to once they are old enough to express views, but they also need to realise that somethings HAVE to happen and much as they might object you just have to get on with it.
Interestingly enough my DS and DIL are much stricter than I was, which is great as I am regarded as the one it is easy to get your own way with.