Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

I was going to bring up the subject of the lost property once the festival over, after clearing out the under stairs cupboard with a little help from Mary who discovered creme de menthe disguised as fairy liquid ((my goodness she's good), anyway three bras (non sexy and a bit grey), two big knickers(Maarryy??)a hearing aid and a top set I have seen so far but I haven't looked right to the bottom of the box so if anyone has lost something please come and see me privately if you are too embarrassed, however if u have mislaid your 'phone' let me know as something is buzzing at the bottom of the box??

Bees? ???

Oooo, it's funny you should mention a buzzing noise. Marydoll kept asking for batteries last week. No idea what for though. Don't throw the bras out. They're old ones of Marydoll's. Anya keeps them for hanging the beer kegs in. Best to keep them off the floor when Guillaume is in "one of his moods". he pees in the beer. Not that you can tell.

Chewy, that's a clever ploy trying to make out the buzzzzzzzzzing appliance belongs to me . .. And you and I certainly know, how much it can buzz. Remember, you know you borrowed it a few weeks ago when you were bored.

Dinna fret Anya as Corbyn our stand in act was a no show anyway.So, too late for a floor show now, and as I am all alone in our cafe bar, I shall make a start on the sweeping up.First though, I may as well eat those two last pickled eggs and put me feet up for a bit.

No sign of Gunga Din the ferret!

Marydoll.......hen, you know that buzzy thing is yours!

Roses, why would I want a buzzing hen?
Has Giuseppe turned into a hen?

Roses are you Scottish, hen? I'm being deliberately thick. Wouldn't be hard!

Hee hee, typo, meant to say 'now then'

Are you here early to help me clear up?

Sorry, no can do. Washing to do, cleaning, baking, cooking, tidying, anything but the cellar. I'll be back later!

Not like you to pass up an opportunity to nip into the cellar Marydoll ! You spend an inordinate amount of time down there, don't know what you find to do but I can imagine .
roses how kind of you to clean up. Mr Methane left a bit of a mess last night after his turn on stage. You might want some black rubber gloves. By all means eat the last 2 pickled eggs, Gwillym won't want them, he's a bit off colour this morning, don't know what's up with him?

Urrrrgh!?

That buzzy thing is mine! I wondered where it had got to, although I suspect foul play!

I was using it to get the pints of beer frothy after that dodgy keg turned out to be not only out of date but leaky....

Whatevs

Eh???

If that bloody Gideon doesn't stop eating the pork scratching I will string him up in the big knickers and hang him on the line in the back yard

Ana if you expect me to believe your buzzy thing can froth beer......!

Not my Gladwyn, Menopaws , please don't string him up in Marydoll's xxxl knickers.

Snigger Ana.... frothy beer? Ha ha! Never heard of anything with a battery being used for that before!

Incidentally, have we got enough vino and beer in for tonight? Roses said something about her "entertaining" some of her friends here tonight. Sailors, I think she said. Before then though, Menopaws is going to have to get stuck into the cleaning. Whiffs a bit in here. thanks for that Mr Methane

Oh flippin' heck, I completely forgot about the Festival last night!! Too busy looking for my "mobile phone". I kept ringing it though - did anyone hear a buzzing noise? If you see it, it's pink and has its own fair-isle knitted cover.

That Dubonnet is mine by the way. I thought it would be too far past its sell buy date sophisticated for you lot. That sediment in the bottom is meant to be there too. It's just settled a bit. If there's none left, I shall be very, very cross indeed and will get Geraint the Gopher to nip you all in a painful place, while you are sleeping off your hangovers taking an afternoon nap. He likes a bit of soft wobbly flesh from time to time. Those pork scratchings keep get caught in his back teeth. He's also getting very angry up with everyone assuming he's eaten them. I'd look closer to home if I were you. He's pretty riled at the moment and you don't want to upset him at this time of the month, not while he's perimenopausal too. Take it from one who knows and has the scars to prove it.

Better go. I've got to watch the tennis. Yeah, I know, I know, that's not an 'approved activity' - but men in white shorts - phew!!

PS Don't forget to keep an eye out for my buzzing "phone."

Ain't you never 'eard of battery-operated coffee-frothers Chewbaccy? Sigh...oh well, perhaps not as I realise you don't mix in the same circles as wot I do... thank goodness

Important notice. Unfortunately WirelessKnob aren't able to come and play at the Pigsty Festival. The singing bloke (old Tom Pork) phoned to say they'd played at a little family get together somewhere near Stonehenge on Saturday night, then had to spend all day yesterday litter picking to pay for the nights camping fee. However, The other groups are set to come, including the Bowling Stones, for a pack of snuff and a small packet of Old Holburn.

Where will we get a packet of snuff at this late hour? Chewy do you have any of that medicinal snuff you picked up in Amsterdam?

The Bowling Stones send their apologies but could get their tribute band the Aching Bones to come instead? Snuff? shouldn't worry to much *Marydoll', with the stuff they stick up their noses, they wouldn't tell the difference if they rammed a pinch of sawdust from the floor up their nostrils...

Bo
They sound great...book them at once!