Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

How did you know that Gordons is my fave gin? ( Because I order so many?)

I don't think we can afford a barrista or a barrister ( both would be useful in here though.)

Now, I have had enough of Gandalf and his dirty little ways ( and paws) so I say to him.....Gerrout o my pub!!!

You think a caffeine hit will be a step too far Mary?

OK folks. Just found out it's Anne60's birthday on July 12th. How about we make it a Very Special Occasion? Let's give the place a make-over and a deep clean . Any suggestions re décor and catering? Do we have a guest list or is it open house? What do we do with Gunter that night (all suggestions by PM I think!) ?

GNHQ have kindly agreed a budget but we need to spend it wisely.

I thought the peanuts on the bar were a peanut and raisin mix but now I realise Griswald has added his own special addition to the nuts. Lovely. I'll have you know that trilby was my trademark back in the eighties but maybe I should look at my appearance if Ana fancies me

No, it was roses who fancied you Menopaws - thankfully I recognised the chin-bristle from previous times and that trilby's certainly seen better days!

My apologies Ana and I have just thrown the trilby out but I need a 'thing' so any advice on my style, I've always been a bit of a tomboy so have no idea on style but I will def get some new glasses and deal with the chin!
It's a nice day , the place is ready, the sawdust is fresh and I've picked the so called raisins out of the peanuts so all come on down for a session, the Bearded Lady bitter is on the turn and needs using up

Hmm...a beanie?

Not sure I fancy the sound of that Bearded Lady Bitter, especially if it's on the turn! Think I'll stick to my usual pint of brandy with a dash of coke thanks.

Don't now where the others are - either still sleeping it off or gone shopping...

I've been to B&Q for paint samples for the make over. Can't make up my mind between Rosy Glow, Ana Banana, Bacca Brown or Bloody Mary. Wondered about one wall in each? Or would that lower the tone?

I threw all the peanuts and poo out earlier and replaced it with honey coated nuts and chocolate raisins. Who's eaten all the raisins?

Any gopher green or ferret fawn? Thank god im colour blind, I'll just stick to the cleaning. Free pints of Bearded Lady to the working party

Definitely Rosy Glow, it will be kinder to our ageing complexions.

Yes, let's do a nice party for Anne60 on July 12th, we will push the boat out and buy the finest foodstuffs, posh things like cheese and pineapple on sticks, a tub of gherkins, free range pickled eggs etc.

Have a good week without me , back next Friday.

Hope that Goliath won't pine for me.Keep him clean! And off the bar.

I'm sure they'll release you before the week is out roses - good behaviour and all that.

No chance, Roses ?

I've been in touch with Ann60 and she has kindly accepted our invitation to host her birthday.

I'm assuming that menopaws given the extortionate generous wage we pay her can double up as Catering Manager. Ann has expressed her preference (as a black tie dinner wasn't on offer) for afternoon tea. I'm happy to cook the scones.

Anyone know someone who can provide home-made jam? And any bakers who can rustle up a cake big enough for 80 candles?

Re the makeover I've found 10 tins of Putrid Plum in the basement so have started on the walls already in case anyone wandered in and thought there had been a massacre. I've also hammered flat that new lump in the lino in the ladies.

I'm guessing Chewbacca has taken her gerbil back home as there was no sign of him all the time I've been here decorating,

Quick! Everyone chip in to clean the place up. We can't host Ann60's special birthday with the place in this state. No point asking roses to help though, she's still "entertaining" her sailor friends have to admire her stamina, I couldn't do it. I'll slap a coat of Farrow & Balls Mouse's Back on the ladies loo walls, it won't show any splashes from spilt beer she said, speaking from personal experience . Marydoll bakes a mean cake with lemoncello in. Bit heavy on the booze, but only to be expected! When is Ann60 arriving Anya?

Gideon is currently having a wash and brush up at the Ferrets Forever beauty parlour. He'll look, if not smell, amazing.

Calm down! It's not until the 12th July is it?

Calm down! We've only got 10 days to sober Marydoll up; bring roses back to her senses and stop cosying up to half the sailors in the navy and clean up this den of iniquity so that the stench of stale beer and fag ends isn't so jaw dropping. I've bought Gordon a tartan bow to tie around his little scraggy neck for the party.

Well, at least he wasn't the cause of that lump in the floor of the ladies. I wonder what it was...

I hate to tell you ladydees, although I am a mean jam maker, (often laced with booze), I am off to an afternoon tea (with prosecco) in the Grand Central Hotel.
Perhaps in a few days time, when I am feeling "better", I may be able to assist.
So for now "Cheers!"

Told ya! That Marydoll is as flaky as a cream puff! She won't be back until the hard work is done. Gŕrrrrrrrrr!

Chewey xxxx

Ooh, will there be Prossecco at my "soiree"?

I was offered a glass on the train yesterday coming back from seeing Ruby and very nice it was too?

Prosecco Annsixty? Ummmmm, no, not really. But we have scrumpy, home brew beer and gin. Oh and some dodgy liqueur that roses brought back from one of her many visits to her sailor friends. Just a quiet word though, don't eat the back bits in the peanut bowl. Gary the ferret has been known to, ummmmm, leave "deposits " There, if you know what I mean.

Prosecco? Isn't that posh Cava? We had a couple of bottles of that sorted in the cistern to keep cool. Best we leave it there in this hot weather until we get a fridge.

Yes, it's a week on Wednesday. Ann do you want us to issue an open invitation or shall we keep it small and select?

What about those offers of home-made jam and cake laydees??

Who was it who did those wacky baccy cakes Anya? They'd liven a party up.

The brownies? That was the young horticulture student on the top floor. Ash I think he calls himself. He's always burning the midnight oil. Studying i expect.