Displaying emotions

And as he obviously felt empathy Annie he felt their pain

empathy-the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings.

He shared their pain that is empathy.

Agreed, trisher. I never felt that I needed to fall off a ladder to feel my husband's pain. I could see it and feel it every time I looked at him.

You can claim what you wish, but it is impossible to feel another persons pain, but I accept you would claim black is white to defend Corbyn,

You used the word "empathy" *Annie", are you now saying there is no such thing?

Empathy , pity, sympathy, sorrow, we can all feel these because they are our own emotions, we cannot feel another pain, if a hear of someone grieving I can feel deep sorrow for them but I cannot feel or experience their emotional pain, it's their pain.

No, we cannot experience the raw grief they must be feeling. We may know what it is like, empathise, sympathise, feel the anguish of someone trying to escape or trying to save their child; we know what grief is like from our own experiences but it is theirs, not ours.

I find it quite sad that you need to argue about this, to take away from people their feelings on what they feel.

There have been lots of bits of research to show that people can feel other people's pain, but I don't really want to reduce it to that. Find out for yourself.

I disagree, and you too are arguing are you not? It's an over the top American phrase I would say the same no matter who said it, what is wrong with - I am so deeply sorry , it has suited this country for generations,

Annie what are you saying is an American phrase?

I feel your pain, it isn't British

'I feel your pain' Wilma....... another US import, meaning I empathise with you, sometimes merely I sympathise, or agree with you.

The earliest I can find it recorded is by Bill Clinton 1992

m.youtube.com/watch?v=db7NpBBULVU

If May had made the comment about feeling someone's pain, would you be making such an issue of it anniebach? Presumably you think the "deeply saddened" statement she made was an adequate response to such a horrific event. I found it a rather formal and unnatural turn of phrase and I wonder if the people who affected found it more comforting than someone offering a more personal approach.

Thanks, I was just checking before commenting. I have never ever heard that phrase used in any serious context. Friends might say it to each other in a sarky or sassy way when they are sharing an experience, usually funny or annoying, but never in the context we have at the moment. Americans are more likely to say they are sorry for your loss. If you don't know the deceased, personally I don't mind that phrase.

I also disagree with those saying you can't feel another's pain. We can see with our eyes and hear with our ears the pain of another person. Those observations can translate into feelings.

But nothing compares to personal loss.

Actually, I have never heard anyone who isn't American saying that phrase, but maybe others have.

Eleothan, I have said I would say the same no matter who said it, I find them empty words, I do prefer deeply saddened more feeling thsn I feel your pain, I suppose the former has dignity and I am sure she was deeply saddened., it's no different to - I am so sorry, I find I have no problem with snyone eho doesn't do dramatics. And May doesn't .

This idea that one person says how or what they feel and another person sees it as OK to say that they cannot or do not is a new one to me. Do you go round in real life saying "I know you said that was how you felt but I know better. I am telling you that this cannot be true". Weird or what?

I am loath to offer the DM as relevant literature but this article is about properly conducted research so you might like to read it. Ouch! We really CAN feel the physical pain of others

But nothing compares to personal loss.

I agree roses. In fact, for a long time know I've tried really hard never to say "I know how you feel." in any situation because it is not true. A person my have some idea of what another person is feeling, but it will never be exactly the same. It can actually be the wrong thing to say because you're almost denying the other person's feelings and cause resentment. Hope that last bit makes sense.

Yes, that makes sense Wilma.

Whenever I read about what people who have been bereaved say what helped and what didn't , they all say that the worst thing of all is the person who crosses the road to avoid having to say anything and those who never mention the fact of the death or the dead persons name. I've never read of anyone analysing the exact words used by the person who does express their sympathy to them and critiquing them. The bereaved people say just acknowledging the fact of the death and a few personal words about the person, maybe a hug is all it takes. For me, what I say or do will be different in every case depending mostly on how well I know the people involved. There's no script for this just don't overthink it - be yourself and just be there.

In fact, for a long time know I've tried really hard never to say "I know how you feel." in any situation because it is not true.

I can totally understand that point of view but it is your point of view WKf and you must do what is right for you.

What I don't understand is Jen saying that she felt her husbands pain (literally - he was still alive) only to be told that it is impossible to feel another's pain. It seems a supremely arrogant comment to say you not only know that person cannot have done so but also that it is actually not possible, just because it is not what you have felt.