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Good post Rigby. I think we have all felt that fear when we meet up with someone - often, I think when we don't know them well - that we might get it wrong. But, like you, the only comment I have ever heard is that acknowledging the person and the loved one is what is needed.

GGMK2 I agree. I know it's not the same thing and I'm not trying to trivialise this, but what about men who have sympathy labour pains? I can't think of anything more important than allowing a person their feelings no matter what. I don't think I have it in me to cross the road as Rigby mentioned. Everyone is different.

Wilma the sad thing is that the crossing the road reaction is apparently not uncommon.

I've read about it happening, but it still hard to accept.

it is

Shared pain may be an Americanism although that is debatable there is a lot of stuff on the net about the psychology of it. It certainly fits in with John Donne's thoughts in the 1600s
'No man is an iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee....'

i always thought Corbyn was more like Shelley or one of the other romantic poets.

I think labour pains is a good example WKf. You also here of twins feeling one another's pain. Obviously something that some people can feel.

I remember once crossing the road in order to speak to someone who had suddenly lost her husband. I knew her (we were on a committee together) but she was not a close friend. Seeing her from the other side of the road made me remember what people say. I think she was a bit surprised but some time later she thanked me - I was surprised she remembered - and said that some people seemed to avoid her, especially in the early days.

grr. hear not here

If we truely felt the pain of every bereaved person we knew we would have very short lives , we would waste away with constant suffering.

Of course Annie - but then that isn't what anyone has said is it?

True, Corbyn felt the pain of the tower victims but not of the victims of the IRA or the victims of his friends Hamas.

Doesn't fit with Donne's No Man Is An Island does it

Annie, how do you know JC didn't feel there pain? I'm sure most people, whatever there political views in a situation, can sympathise with the victimes of violence, it's what comes with neing human.

being..

Because it is not possible to feel another persons pain, one can ache for someone suffering grief or illness but not feel the pain,,imagine it yes, feel it no.

You are obsessed anniebach.

No I am not, I am irritated by the use of empty words given to the press and from a man who very much does pick and choose when it comes to expressing sympathy.

I consider obsessed someone who is so desperate to defend Corbyn they compare his 'I feel their pain' with that beautiful poem No Man Is An Island,

I hesitate to stick my had above the parapet, but I wonder if those who feel another's pain actually cannot walk when someone else breaks a leg, have to take painkillers when they think of dreadful injuries.

How many of them wake in the night to tears and the utter desolation of knowing that they will never see someone again, never speak to them, never hear their voice?

They may imagine someone else's pain, remember how it felt when the same happened to them, feel distressed at their situation, weep for them, but physical pain is in the nerve endings, emotional pain in the impact on that person or the links that a bereaved person had with the one they lost. Someone else can only partly join them.

Why do some people feel it necessary to carry on being so pedantic about this issue - sometimes in expressing sympathy we may be a bit clumsy in our choice of words or be using words figuritively such as 'I feel your pain' . It's common to use words in such a way and its faintly ridiculous to try and do a critical analysis of such usage. I sometimes use the phrase 'I nearly died when I realised......'. Should someone critique that? How did I know I had nearly died? How near was I to death?What were the physiological symptoms? Did a doctor cerify that I had nearly died? What matters is the intent behind the words - when I use that phrase I am trying to express how mortified or shocked I felt after a particular action. Was there evil intent behind the words used oh I forgot, its JC who is evil personified so yes there was

How anyone can defend a man who said to the cameras I feel their pain yet the same man invited leaders of the IRA to Westminster just weeks after the Brighton bombing, I had no time for Tebbit but what of his pain, Corbyn didn't feel that did he?

Perhaps a man three times married doesn't understand what marriage means so had no idea of Tebbitts pain,

ab go back to the first line of your OP 'no politics please'. I'm not going to waste any more of my time on this thread - I agree with Eleo's last post.

And I haven't brought politics into it, a politician used the expression , if a Windsor had said ir would Buck house not be mentioned?

agree completely rigby, waste of time anyway - the words 'head' and ,brick wall' come to mind.

Brick wall = no defence

what does that mean??