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So. . . . .would you be brave enough to end it all? And if so, how?

(107 Posts)
Newquay Thu 13-Jul-17 19:44:11

Had a lovely chatty lunch today with some girl (!) friends. Discussed everything. . . As you do. . . . And somehow got on to what we would do if we got something awful and had had enough. I said I would be saddened, but wouldn't hesitate, to get on a plane to Switzerland although I resent not being able to "do the deed" here.
One (lovely) friend said she has monks hood growing her garden and understands it's all very poisonous so she would whizz the whole lot up in her liquidiser-with some sugar-and Bob's your uncle!
I didn't know about that plant in any event.

Ana Thu 13-Jul-17 20:00:51

You'd have to be fit enough to travel to Switzerland, of course, and anyone accompanying you could in theory could be charged in this country with assisting you to die.

I'd be very wary about liquidised plants! What if they didn't finish you off but just paralysed you...shock?

Morgana Thu 13-Jul-17 20:21:26

I always tell my kids to take me to the vet!! My husband is diabetic so would be tempted to take some of his stuff. I would not want to live if i had something terrible. Think we should have the right to die with dignity in this country.

Esspee Thu 13-Jul-17 20:22:28

I have enough medication in reserve to end my life if and when I feel the need. My worry is that if I suddenly become incapacitated ( e.g. with a stroke) I might not be able to act on my wishes. My greatest fear is to end up as a vegetable being kept alive with no quality of life. I visit my aunt in a nursing home and it breaks my heart to see her. We treat animals with greater compassion.

Alima Thu 13-Jul-17 20:23:40

I hope so. Travel isn't necessarily required. Haven't thought this through yet. Would it make you brave? I think it would be the coward's way out as It would bypass the pain and/or drooling your way through the care system.

Lyndylou Thu 13-Jul-17 20:30:21

Hypothermia- I'm going to sneak out on a very cold night and let the drop in temperature get to me. That's my fall back plan should I develop dementia. Yes, I know I've got to be compus mentis enough to remember the plan!

BlueBelle Thu 13-Jul-17 20:35:20

My friend has kept some of her dogs morphine tablets, another friend said she is going to put her sun lounger in the garden ( I think shes hoping for a winter demise) and a bottle of whiskey and bingo
I would never be brave enough so have every expectation to sit it out however bad it gets I have asked my daughter to make a hundred per cent sure I am dead though no waking up in the coffin, my nightmare
I wouldn't take myself off to Switzerland I think that's awful if I was going to do anything I d do it in my own home but I know I have an optimistic thread running through me that would never want to 'finish it ' completely so I ll just take my chances with my end and accept what comes

Newquay Thu 13-Jul-17 20:39:18

That's what I thought about "messing about" with plants too! To be fair, said friend did say she would take "something else" too!
I just want to suffer myself or make my family super either. . . . Mmm. . . . The vets, good idea! Lol!

NanKate Thu 13-Jul-17 20:40:49

If I get dementia I hope I would have the courage to end it all. I have told my DS not to visit me if I don't know who he is anymore and I am sitting there with a vacant look on my face.

Sadly I think I would chicken out though.

I rarely used to think about death in my 60s but now I am 70 I am full thoughts about illness, death, bereavement etc. I used to be such a happy positive person. I need a good kick up the b*m to get me out of this malaise.

annsixty Thu 13-Jul-17 21:19:51

If you had Dementia I doubt you would know and you would be happy in your life as know it.

Iam64 Thu 13-Jul-17 21:36:57

our very old, very sick dog looked at me and if he could have spoken it was clear he was telling me he'd had enough. when I told a couple of close friends how kind, gentle and sensitive the vet had been with the dog and with us, they suggested I book the vet now, for when we need that kind of service ourselves. I accept that for some, human life is to be preserved no matter what. It's an irony though, that we'd be prosecuted for allowing an animal to suffer in the way some people do.
has anyone had a "do not recussitate " note put on their medical records? This is something I'm considering. I don't know if I'd have the strength to commit suicide because of its impact on my loved ones. I'd like to die at home at a time of my choosing, with my family there. I accept that's so unlikely that I'm most likely going to accept what life brings me

Lyndylou Thu 13-Jul-17 22:08:05

annsixty My mum didn't seem happy in her life when she had dementia. At one point she got very obsessed with her relationship with her mother who she felt had not loved her. Even after that phrase passed she was often seemed stressed and unhappy but couldn't tell us why.

The idea of spending my last years dribbling and probably, reliving my first crap marriage, scares the life out of me. Once I can't recognise my present partner, my children or my grandchildren I would want to be gone. It's being alert enough to recognise the right time to go that is the difficulty.

paddyann Thu 13-Jul-17 22:40:08

I wouldn't end it ,I've known people who committed suicide and seen the people left behind ,distressed ,traumatised and guilty.My will stipulates a DNR if I become so ill I would need 24 hour care or live in a vegetative state .My children both know what I want and my husbands will mirrors mine but I would hate to think of the hurt suicide would cause

GrandmaKT Thu 13-Jul-17 22:49:20

Can you still gas yourself? You don't hear of it much any more, so maybe they have changed the gas to make it less poisonous? Used to always be hearing about people found with heads in the gas oven. Failing that, exhaust fumes (car running in the garage). I may be wrong, but it has always seemed to me the least painful way to go - I imagine drifting away. Whether I would have the courage to do it however is another matter. Like others I am more frightened of ending in a state where I can't look after myself than of dying.

cornergran Thu 13-Jul-17 22:58:08

I am more afraid of dependency and lack of dignity than death. Would I bring about my own end? The honest answer is I don't know.

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 13-Jul-17 23:44:19

Lyndylou hypothermia is my plan too. If you drink alcohol it helps the process along. I don't plan to do it though whilst my DH and Mum are still alive. I couldn't do that to them.

I do wish it was acceptable just say when I want to go. I will tell my family and friends of my intentions and hope they can forgive me.

Witzend Fri 14-Jul-17 00:32:03

Annsixty, dementia often does not = being happy with your life. Frequently it means anxiety, fretdulness and endless confusion. . And not uncommonly anger with those closest to you.
Having seen so much of it, my greatest fear is dementia, because even if I had a stash of pills hidden away I would very likely have forgotten where I'd put them, or that I had them at all, let alone what I'd planned to do with them. Past the very early stages I I would also very likely be unaware that there was anything wrong with me.

Dementia aside, I hope I'd have the guts to put an end to any horrible terminal illness before it became very harrowing for my family to witness.

BlueBelle Fri 14-Jul-17 05:44:04

Annsixty that is a total misconception having nursed both a mum and a nan with dementia you are rarely sitting in a happy deluded state most people with dementia are frustrated, unhappy, at times furious with the confusion, seeing innocent things as something to be frightened of, out of control, restless, searching for a dead husband/ mother/father it's a living nightmare

Witzend would witnessing your suicide be any less damaging for the family I would have rather nursed my mum /Nan however difficult it was than seen them commit suicide my mind would never have given me a minutes peace thinking of them so unhappy they had to plan their own death

Esspee Fri 14-Jul-17 06:47:45

I don't think this discussion is about ending ones life through depression BlueBelle. It is about taking control before the end to prevent either pain or loss of dignity. With a terminal illness wouldn't it be a positive thing to know when you have had enough and say farewell without subjecting ones family to more trauma? Then there is the gradual slide into dementia. I have told everyone including my doctor that I do not want my life to end with me a vegetable or in pain and unable to take care of my basic needs. They know that when they hear I have taken my life to be pleased I have done exactly what I needed to do. Death is nothing to fear. Living death is a totally different thing.

Anya Fri 14-Jul-17 06:55:40

With what I've seen this week? In answer to the OP 'yes, definitely!'

How is another matter, but the right sleeping tablets with alcohol is the answer.

Those left behind may be sad but will understand if you've explained beforehand.

Eglantine19 Fri 14-Jul-17 09:37:42

I've set up my Power of Attourney with very specific instructions that If I am incapable of expressing my wishes I am not to be given any life sustaining treatment, only pain relief. Legally it's the best I can do at the moment.
It's quite hard to think of a way to go that wouldn't involve unpleasantness for someone else who had to deal with it.

M0nica Fri 14-Jul-17 10:05:00

No idea whether I would choose to end my life faced with something dreadful.Wait and see is my feeling

However my chosen way out would be a 50 aspirin washed down by a bottle of whisky or gin.

Charleygirl Fri 14-Jul-17 10:24:28

The problem is MOnica you may just vomit that lot up. Maybe take them more gradually, along with the liquid refreshment of your choice!

My choice would be Switzerland but as I would have mega difficulties getting on a plane today, sadly that one is out. I also do not like spirits.

BlueBelle Fri 14-Jul-17 11:29:47

Espee I m not sure what I wrote that made you think I was talking about depression I wasn't I was referring to our end of life plans like everyone else on here

MissAdventure Fri 14-Jul-17 12:23:13

I dont think I could say, unless the time came and I was actually facing my own demise. The will to live is very strong, I think, and if dementia or something crept up on me I may not know that I was living beyond what I had deemed reasonable in my more lucid years.