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Do you feel punished

(53 Posts)
AlgeswifeVal Fri 08-Sep-17 07:13:41

I was reading a post on Facebook called ' I love it when people think they're going to punish me by not talking to me ' The answers made interesting reading.

If someone decides to blank me, I would be like: thank goodness I hope they feel like that forever. I might wonder what deed I did to upset them though. Sometimes it's friends or family members that stop speaking to you. I have a neighbour who does just that and I couldn't care less, in fact it's quiet funny to me.

Imperfect27 Fri 08-Sep-17 07:36:48

Ah the 'joys' of Facebook.

I think it is nothing less than childish behaviour to set out to 'blank' somebody. but then, a lot of FB behaviour falls into that category, so I am more and more inclined to have nothing to do with it.

In 'real life' this is beyond my experience. I think it would trouble me because I find conflict difficult and would want to 'fix' whatever the perceived problem was. It would not be about winning a point for me, but I guess for some it may be.

I think it very sad when families have irreparable rifts that result in silence.

I think it is somehow emotionally deficient to retreat to silence - unless you have been very hurt and have learned by experience that the situation would not change by trying to re-engage.

Jane10 Fri 08-Sep-17 07:39:50

Sometimes it's best to say nothing if you think you're so angry or hurt that you might say something awful. Words are loaded pistols!

Anya Fri 08-Sep-17 07:51:46

Does this happen to you a lot AlgeswifeVal hmm ??

Luckygirl Fri 08-Sep-17 07:58:00

Never happened to me - yet!

Humbertbear Fri 08-Sep-17 08:01:15

My older sister and I haven't spoken for 9 months and , frankly, it's a relief. If she's not talking to me she can't suddenly start shouting at me, punished? More like reprieved.

Imperfect27 Fri 08-Sep-17 08:15:46

Jane10 and Humbertbear I think that is very different to the 'blanking' that the OP is referring to.

Sometimes we do have to self preserve / give ourselves the space to work out our response.

Kateykrunch Fri 08-Sep-17 08:18:02

You mention a neighbour not speaking to you. I have a neighbour who decides to go long periods of time and not speak, it bugs me, but I now just ignore the situation, but had to laugh, when we had put some cast iron garden furniture out on the path ready for an ebay collection, she knocked on the door and said, " I'll have that if you are getting rid of it!" As my Mum would have said 'cheeky chuff' lol.

MawBroon Fri 08-Sep-17 08:22:17

It is a weird reflection on our society is it not, that we subscribe to a social medium to connect with friends then go out of our way to NOT communicate as a "punishment" or are devastated when others ignore us.
Do we really have nothing better to do?
No wonder young people have such hang ups, I sometimes think we as well as they, need to get things in perspective. smile

Anya Fri 08-Sep-17 08:31:41

I'm wondering what kind of people some of us have as 'friends' 🤔

I find FB a lovely, friendly place to visit, chat, catch up on those who live far away, have a laugh and see and post pictures. But then I'm careful about who I accept as a friend, only people I know and respect.

Christinefrance Fri 08-Sep-17 08:39:05

FB posts have caused a lot of problems for me. I don't use social media at all but that doesn't stop people making adverse comments which are then passed on to me by others. I wish these keyboard warriors would have the courtesy to approach me directly with their problems.

Oldwoman70 Fri 08-Sep-17 09:23:52

This has happened to me once. I was friends with a woman for several years, and frequently dropped everything to drive the 20miles to her house to sort out a problem for her. One day I met one of her former friends and she surprised me by saying "so you are the one who replaced me". When I asked her to explain she said this mutual friend would met someone, spend a couple of weeks telling everyone how wonderful they were and then drop one of her friends - as if she only had room for a certain number. After I had known her for a couple of years she suddenly started talking about a wonderful lady she had met, she wouldn't introduce us, a couple of weeks later she stopped contacting me. I tried to find out if I had done anything to upset her but she never replied! If someone upsets me, I tell them and talk it over. If I decide I no longer want someone in my life I tell them why!

M0nica Fri 08-Sep-17 09:37:42

If it was someone I know well, I would feel puzzled and want to know the reason. Otherwise I would leave the person to it. It would be there problem, not mine. Anyway what they are looking for is an upset response from you. If by ignoring their childish behavior you show how untroubled you are by it, it rather spoils their 'fun'.

glammanana Fri 08-Sep-17 09:47:18

Nobody apart from all my family is that important in my life for me to worry about them not speaking to me I would certainly not loose any sleep about it,and as for FB I give it a wide berth

lemongrove Fri 08-Sep-17 09:52:12

I think this comes under the heading of 'people are strange'
And they certainly can be.

Anniebach Fri 08-Sep-17 09:56:51

I am being ignored by my three sisters , miss them very much but have to accept it.

Ramblingrose22 Fri 08-Sep-17 10:43:18

There was thread recently on the similar subject of "ghosting" where I and others who have suffered from so-called "friends" suddenly dropping us without explanation.

It's a very cowardly thing to do as they "disappear" so as not to have to give an explanation It's as if they know that any explanation would sound ridiculous and make them appear petty and vindictive (which they usually are).

If someone doesn't want to speak to me anymore, I may feel sad about it but it's their loss.

gillybob Fri 08-Sep-17 10:52:06

I don't have any friends and I'm not on Facebook so no problem.

Anniebach Fri 08-Sep-17 10:54:20

I don't understand Facebook

radicalnan Fri 08-Sep-17 10:55:03

It is the new 'manners', just as we have given up curtseying and bowing and exaggerated sweeps of the hat......we have moved on to this rather ridiculous culling of people, who we believe don't deserve us. FB is full of pithy comment about taking 'negativity' out of your life, because you are so special that you don't need it and other mind numbing philosophical jokes masquerading as wisdom.

Of course people never see themselves as negative or inenstitive.

I do cull friends in real life if they start taking liberties, and I tell them why.

It is all human nature and we just have to accept that is the case.

Jennieantliff Fri 08-Sep-17 11:00:44

Depends on the circumstances. My DH died June last year, my SD has not been in touch since. That's not funny, it hurts.

BRESAW1 Fri 08-Sep-17 11:05:15

I so agree. I would never be in touch with distant relatives and friends in the way I am with it. Used sensibly it's a great tool

damewithaname Fri 08-Sep-17 11:05:46

Bin Facebook. I have been off of it for almost a year and how life has become a lot less negative.

Something I noticed that I was doing too was finding things to take pics of to post so that it seemed like I had this amazeballs life... to keep up with the rest. So now I'm fully aware that facebook is full of lies. It's not reality at all.

Swanny Fri 08-Sep-17 11:11:05

'There's nowt so queer as folk'

123kitty Fri 08-Sep-17 11:29:33

Maybe some of the people who have been suddenly dropped are so thick skinned that they really have no idea why this has happened to them. They are possibly bossy, demanding or spiteful; any attempt to contradict, argue, or try to get ones own view across often being met with 'haha don't be silly, I didn't mean you to take offence'. After putting up with this treatment for a while the only way out is the dreaded 'cut' just no other way of getting the message through.