Bank of mum and dad

My dear late FIL helped us out to the tune of £300 back in the 1980s when we were struggling; doesn't sound a lot but it was enough to set us back on the right road again and we never needed to ask for any more. My DH was most embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help, as was I, but bless him, FIL refused to let us pay anything back. We have helped our own DS out once on a flat rental deposit. When he felt able to pay it back we refused as by then he had 2 little ones and we told him and DIL to spend it on them.

My DD is currently studying and keen to budget but I realised it's much harder these days because so many things can be paid for (or even have to be) using a card, and it must be so much harder to keep track of that.

I understand your irritation that they have foolishly got themselves in this much debt but think you have done the right thing if you can afford it . Saying that - CAB are very good in helping people with debt and often can get a portion written off .
If I was in your position I would do the same x

Although they are your DS and DIL they are 2 people separate people who have to change their ways. Can they both stick to the plan? Is one of them less able to change their ways than the other. Are you going to be resentful when one of them buys something you don't think is needed etc. When you are careful with your money it is incredible how other people can be so stupid. I hope this doesn't end up causing trsentmemt between you and them.

I think I would have done the same, against my better judgement but try to make this a one off. They mustn't learn that you will always be their to pay of they debts because you believe in family.

Ingejones - abstract figures in the bank and credit, very good way of putting it. Yes I think it was easier when money was cash and if you didn't have you didn't get.

I'm grateful we were taught to live within our means and to save regularly. This means not only do we have funds if needed but we can prove we are a good financial "risk" as we don't have debt and a good track record of saving. I will not have a credit card, I refuse to pay through the nose for these things. I agree credit, or to put it correctly, debt, is offered freely but as an adult, I choose to say no. I also tefuse to get into debt for fancy cars and household goods. Good, second hand paid with cash is a better option. Most of the things people buy will end up in the landfill site sooner rather than later. We have also made sure that we have insurance to cover such things as unemployment, sickness or loss of goods. We spend our money wisely and enjoy it. We think about our purchases, is it going to make our lives more comfortable and easy? Sadly, too many people want instant gratification. They want things now, rather than save up for it. The Jonses have much to answer for, as do people who are irresponsible with their money. We only have one wage coming in and it's less than the "average" wage but we are debt and stress free. There is much to be said for the old fashioned way of managing your money. Sorry that so many posters have had to pay such high costs when bailing out adult children. And as for bankruptcy, well, someone has to pay for that . If you run up a debt then I do feel you are responsible and accountable. There are good places to get help and advice, interest can be "frozen" and arrangements made for you to pay back, what you borrowed, at an affordable rate. Maybe if money sense was taught in the home and at school, it would help prevent so many people suffering.nBest of luck to everyone doing their best to get out of debt.

This is a difficult one. We had to pay off my daughters debt of £3000.... a lot of years ago...for which she was paying us back on monthly basis.... then she announced she was pregnant and getting married. My husband immediately jumped in and cancelled her debt to us. I was resentful about that as I was still working in retail and literally breaking my back to earn OUR living as my husband hasn’t done a days work since he was 50! My daughter is a ‘spender’ and with two kids and an irate husband got herself into more financial mess. This time before my husband could speak I said NO. I must stress my daughter has a well paid professional job and should never let this happen! My son on the other hand has less educational qualifications. and has always had badly paid ( minimum wage) jobs.... he can’t afford to buy a house but rents and apart from loaning him a deposit for a couple of his flats and first months rent ( which he’s has always paid back a.s.a.p.) he’s had nothing from us. I bought him s computer once years ago because he had been made redundant and was job hunting and this was the way to do it. It worked . He was employed within a couple of months! The computer WAS a gift from me as his dad would not approve! I occasionally dropped him a few pounds when I knew he was short and I KNEW he was going without food to pay bills , because that’s how he was brought up . Seems it worked for my son but not my daughter! Anyway when I went to put a few quid in his pocket a year or so back he said”no”. He said he’d made a promise to himself that once he’d got to thirty , if he was no farther forward in life( financially) then it was his fault and he wouldn’t take money from me. I’ve not insulted him by offering since . I admire him more than my daughter , with her husband and two house and debt!! There comes a time when you have to stop! I’ve reached it.

An addiction to spending money needs treatment. I have a charge on my son and daughter-in-law's house but wouldn't have lent them money if he didn't have a good credit record with me. She is much better with money than he is - he wouldn't dare spend like he did before they got together!