lunch

If I bother with lunch I ask if he wants any, sometimes he wants something totally different to what I'm having so then he does it himself.

My advice Clickgran is when you retire "Start As You Mean To Go On!!".
This was a friend's advice to me when I got married and I have been forever grateful to her.

Oh, so it's not just me then? Thank goodness. I get all of the above on the days that I'm not at work,, but I'm due to retire soon and my DH thinks that this is the time that means he doesn't have to contribute to house work ( not that a lot happens now)he says that he is joking but I don't think he is.

I wouldn’t mind if there was any attempt at division of labour. I’m afraid I get resentful at the expectation that I’ll run round after him, while he has a pleasant round of social activities all day, and most of the evening, every day. His “work” for many years has comprised a couple of phone calls first thing, as he has employed a manager, so he isn’t exactly run off his feet!

Not really been an issue as we often eat lunch at different times but if we are both in I usually make a sandwich or soup for both of us. However, I have always made the evening meal- until this week. Last Sunday we went out to friends for Sunday lunch. The male of the house always does the cooking and when we got home DH said " Do you think I could do that?" So I've been giving him cookery lessons and he has made a couple of our evening meals this week- a chicken dinner and salmon. Yes!!!! Long may it continue. Pasta and risotto on his menu this week.

My husband does his own lunch (and breakfast) but it usually comes out of the frying pan - his mother mainly cooked that way - so not only is it unhealthy for him but it makes the downstairs smell of frying!! But I suppose if I am not going to do it for him (I usually have a sandwich or something on toast) then I can't complain??

Just Google in "Retired Husband Syndrome" and you'll find tons of pages indicating you are not alone nor unreasonable to expect/hope/pray that your husband will manage to cobble together his own lunch.

The downside to this, as many will testify, is that men manage to utilise every pot, pan, casserole dish, plate, saucer, knife, fork, spoon, the food-mixer, the toaster, the microwave, the waffle iron, etc, etc, even if they only intend to produce scrambled egg on toast!

This.Is.True.

See I dont think of it as "servitude " I like caring for my family ...and that included making my husbands lunch.I have a friend who sometimes bravely calls me a doormat...because I do the things she doesn't ..iron ,cook etc.I'm not nor have I ever been either a servant nor a doormat.I have a lot of respect for the man who I share my life with and who works his socks off for his family.If I can make HIS life a wee bit easier by taking over the things I'm good at why wouldn't I? Theres no rule book that says we all have to do the same jobs ...he does things I dont want to or cant .We dont all have to live our lives the same way.I'm perfectly happy living mine the way I do.Its not last century in my house to care for someone ,sad that it appears to be in some of yours.

My husband does the shopping, based on an agreed menu and list. I’m disabled and since he retired he is my primary carer (whilst waiting for a hip replacement). We have always managed our own breakfasts and lunches, tea gets cooked by whoever is the most able and available, we both have activities some evenings, so are not always available. It’s like everything, give and take works, flexibility is key. I don’t see why any man has the right to insist on the servitude of his partner, it’s about time he moved into the second half of the 20th century, if he can’t make the leap to the 21st!

Oh, I’ve heard that one so often Anya. Although my reaction was the same as yours, somehow the message didn’t register. Alas these days it doesn’t happen anyway, but I suspect the same words would be uttered.

Of course they need training Merlot - I started quite early on when my fairly new husband uttered the immortal words ‘I’ve done the dishes *for you*’

I’ll leave you to guess how the conversation progressed but it started with me replying FOR ME ????

Oh heck. Are we supposed to train them?

So that's where I've been going wrong.

This man obviously has not been trained properly. I suggest you write up a basic cookery book with a dozen on so suggestions for lunch along the lines of ‘get bread, add butter and preferred filling and slot both piece together’ progressing by gradual degrees of difficulty to ‘find can, open it, heat contents and pour into bowl’

Simples!

Just make sure you’re out at lunchtime! (With your own packed lunch, obvs!)

I’m very lucky, my husband is a fabulous cook. Since I am just okay on a good day and I hate cooking, he does it all and it’s delicious. As for lunch, we don’t rise early since we retired (we are both night owls) so it’s just a small brunch for us, then a snack in the evening.

Mine hasn't retired yet but expecting lunch when he's off irritates me!
I once left it and at 2 pm he said'
'Are we having any lunch then?.'
To which I replied ' that would be nice, I'll have whatever you're making!'
I have since told him I don't do lunch,just breakfast and dinner.

Mine likes his at 12 noon, I like mine when I am hungry. A few weeks into his retirement I told him to make his own and he has done for the last few years. I make dinner, I don't really want to eat his cooking

I do not do breakfast of lunch. I have a glass jar full of a mixture of nutty meusli and extra nuts which I top up all the time. That's all I eat for breakfast and if husband is in the kitchen I ask him if he would like a plate too. He was expecting porridge cooked by me, eggs etc. I made sure it was not on offer.

Lunch. I arrange as many meeting with friends for 11.30 am as possible. This means he gets his own lunch. when we are both in I make a sandwich or a baked potato with filling & salad asking him if he wants one too. I do not ask him what he wants. I do not have time to faff round and anyway I am trying to keep my weight down. I buy filling etc. in Aldi or Lidel. If I attend a morning class I often buy a 31 sandwich and say I will be home at 3 pm.

We have an evening meal together. He does one evening I do another.

We are very easy going when it comes to breakfast and lunch we either make our own or for both of us. Most dinners are usually cooked by me although he did very well when I could hardly move with sciatica a few weeks ago. This afternoon I suggested making a quiche for dinner but he said could we have egg and chips instead. He said I could make a quiche so it was in the fridge if we wanted a snack. Fair enough so I settled down have my daily fix of GN and he said he thought I was going to make a quiche. Grr! So 90 minutes later I think I will go and make that quiche and peel some potatoes.

Mctavish i think you posted on the wrong thread. Dont want you to be ignored so perhaps repost.
Sorry you have these worries.

My late husband, bless him, never prepared a meal in his life, if there was definitely no hope of a meal being made for him, he`d go to the chippy! I hear women talk about the meals their husbands cook for them, and I wonder what life would have been like if...........?

Secret of a long marriage. For better for worse but not for lunch!

My OH has always done breakfast and all the years he was working I would make him sandwiches and home made cakes to take to work for his lunch. I have never been a big eater at lunch time and just have a banana and a yoghurt, so nothing time consuming.

Now OH has taken early retirement he still does the breakfast and makes whatever he fancies for lunch and gets me a cup of tea and my banana and yoghurt too.

As I seemed to be doing pretty much everything else in the house apart from that I have been encouraging him to make dinner too as he can't seem to get his head around anything else. He keeps telling all and sundry how he 'cooks everything' despite the fact that his idea of cooking is generally just putting something in the oven or microwave. If it's anything that involves chopping up vegetables and has more than a few ingredients then I will make those meals.

I am amused by all these comments and I feel very lucky. At 94 my husband still takes me out to lunch at least once a week. On other days we just have a snack while watching the 1 o'clock news then I cook at night

Has your husband been retired for long, catlover? Sounds as if he's bored and needs the meals for something to do and break up the day.
I don't think we have ever had 2 full meals a day.
It used to be in the evening, when we were both working, and then after retirement, at lunch time. We each get something light for ourselves in the evening.