Childcare criticism

There does seem to be a trend to feed every couple of hours these days. My DIL would come to stay and if she learned that lunch was at one o’clock, would insist on giving the children a ‘fruit platter’ at twelve! They usually left most of their lunch as a result.
They didn’t say they were hungry or ask for food between meals.

I could have written the very same post this time last year. I found it quite soul destroying and my husband wanted me to tell my DS and his wife to pay for their childcare which would have been an extra 2 days a week. I'm not sure when it actually changed but they suddenly became grateful and I became less sensitive. I did, at one point, say to my son that I felt that I was on probation the whole time but perhaps he could accept my motherhood of 6 children to be a bit of a learning curve. I did it in a lighthearted way but I think it might have hit a nerve. Also, his wife had a bit of a stressful time with the childminder she used the other 2 days and I think she suddenly realised how lucky she was especially as I would accept an ill/difficult child whilst the childminder wouldn't whilst still wanting remuneration.
My advice, for what it is worth, is to take things with a pinch of salt, lightheartedly respond with witty comments and I suspect things will lighten up as the child gets older.

They should be grateful for your help. It sounds like you are doing a terrific job. Don't let them get you down. Just carry on doing things the way you are. After all you reared your own children so have a lot more experience than they do!

I must agree that a single apple as a snack between mid day and evening supper seems a bit sparse, my DD’s (and DGC’s) also would not cope with that, as someone else said small children tend to eat little amounts so it’s little and often at that age with plenty of fluids. I also agree that some rice cakes or raisins and a sliced banana make great snacks.
As regards the change of clothes maybe your DS and DIL felt that it was a criticism of the clothing they had put her in? Rightly or wrongly parents can often feel the shadowy hand of disapproval looming even if it’s not there or unintended!
Fortunately for me my own children parent much as I did so there are no issues. I know I am lucky with this, but mine was considered a bit wacky as a parenting style in the 1990’s and 2000’s but is now the parenting style in favour!

Well, I get criticism if my dgsdoesn't have a long enough nap when I look after him. I find this very annoying, as you can't make them sleep. As he is at my house, he won't always settle down. Now too big for a cot, (2years) he climbs out, so he is on my bed.
I wish he would sleep, and feel nervous if he only gets an hour, as DD is not best pleased. She too always nags about his snacks e.g., has he had enough to eat and seems to stuff him full before main meals. Of course, any criticism isn't well received.
Ah well, this phase won't last. Hopefully.

How ungrateful! Tell them to arrange their own childcare. you're not an unpaid nanny.

When the children are here it is 'my house my rules'.

I think it unusual, for a long break between meals / snacks because they do seem to eat little and often, yogurts of course, fruit, and cakes we make. I would not ask for any schedules or lists, either they trust you and your child management or they do not, if you start that you will end up with a manual of their prefered choices. They can always look after their own children or pay for child care, which will require that they fit in with someone else's requirements.

This does sound like a wee bit of guilt mixed up with tiredness and delivered because you can say things to your loved ones that you wouldn't dream of saying anywhere else. They are very , very lucky to have you to care for their child and give her such an interesting day.; even more lucky to have childcare from someone who actually loves the child.
I would let this pass but if they do something similar again I would tell them that had hurt my feelings even if they had not meant to, and perhaps they might want to make other arrangements. A little 'shock' might be all it needs to make them realise their great good fortune.

What a grumbly lot they are!!

I am very glad that I get none of this, even though my child care is probably (in their eyes) less than perfect - I know I'm great of course!

The whole thing about naps is a pain though - I do understand that not having a long enough one, or sleeping too long can mess up the bedtime routine and create a grumpy child - but you cannot make them sleep; and waking them up seems harsh - although I do do this, so my DD gets a better bedtime with them.

It takes a while for new parents to realise that if they choose for their child to have care from someone else, then stuff will be done differently.

Is this the first time the mother has made a comment? If so you and others are over reacting, I feel the tone of your post was a little aggressive e.g. I was informed rather than my son called. Were you upset they interrupted your routine but maybe you are being defensive by their remarks.

I suggest you do as others say, keep quiet, smile and maybe a few more snacks. Maybe a good idea to get some clothes similar to how they dress their child as maybe the mother doesn't like the pinafore and tights look.

I think you are great going to pick her up at 7 am. This one day a week with your GD will give you happy memories for the rest of your life so is it worth getting upset.

I think a lot of these problems are caused by the fact that today's young parents have as a norm not had any experience of looking after children at all until they have their first baby! Unlike us, who helped bring up younger siblings or cousins and babysat from the age of 12 or so, they read a fashionable book and follow it slavishly.

I agree, do things your own way and don' t volunteer information. However, when your grandchild starts talking, you will need to revise your strategy!

If she’s fed every two hours, I’d say she’ll be on a fast track to overweight! What would happen if you withdrew your ‘services’? It’s for certain she won’t get the love and special attention you give her if she goes to a nursery. Maybe time you called your DIL’s bluff

Wow! You sound a wonderful grandma., giving a child careful care. What a shame a bit of a slip up over a food gap caused so much upset. Everyone's made a slip up over something like that, and you were confused about what to do when you were told your son was coming early.
I agree with previous posters you could get them to write out a food schedule for you, but really I don't think you need it, you will have realised yourself it was a bit of a gap you won't repeat again

I wish I'd had you to look after my kids when they were little. My MIL was very hit and miss with them, but they had fun and never came to any harm and I was just grateful she was always keen to look after them and they grew up very close.
Just sorry you've had this criticism when you're doing your best and have given up so much for them. Sending you

Why is the word 'guilt' being used so often in these threads? Why would parents feel guilty about leaving GC with adults who clearly adore them, and put the child's needs above almost everything else? I am so happy to be building a relationship with mine, that hopefully is good for her, as well as me. I feel quite sorry for GP who only see GC when they're with their parents.

I think they were rather over critical but I also think at 13 months there was too much of a gap between food and although water is good milk is more nutritious and needed more at this age. The day sounded varied but what is suitable for a baby to see in a museum, a baby group of some kind ( music, soft play) may have been more age appropriate.

Wow!...just WOW!

I would have suggested that as your parenting skills obviously don't match their needs, then it's time they paid an au pair, got the other GM to do it or put their daughter in a nursery and see if they can complain to others as they've been doing to you.
DO NOT apologise. You've done nothing wrong at all.
Tell them that you're fed up with their gripes and you know that your skills in caring for children are faultless. Don't, fgs, let them make you feel less than the good and caring mum and grandmother that you are. If they want you to abide by certain silly rules then they must care for her themselves.
At no time must you let them use the child as a tool. Don't be afraid to stand your ground and if they hint at you not seeing your GD, take no notice. That is menacing behaviour and you have rights. Please don't let them browbeat you.
They should apologise.
I'd have shown them the door and demanded an apology.

If you can't afford for one of you to be 'at home' with the children but you want to dictate to and berate the carer of your child for minor 'differences' in YOUR way and the childminder's way, then don't have kids.
That behaviour is a red rag to me. I don't tolerate rudeness OR a graceless attitude NO MATTER how tired or stressed the parents are. I'm no whipping boy.
You've brought up your own children and don't need the hassle.
I brought up my five without any help from my or my exes parents. His were in Oz, my DF was dead and mum lived 180 miles away. Ex worked for oil company and away for weeks at a time. I never ever list patience or became tired, it was a wonderful experience and I'd do it all again. Your DS and DIL need a wake up call.

Yes, sometimes when I receive a bit of criticism, I think I might tell my daughter that it's ok , I resign and that they can hire a Norland Nanny.
Also I think that one day I will send her an invoice!
But this is one way I can help them and I do get a lot of fun and pleasure seeing them grow up.
If I wrote a novel it would be called " the Default Setting" as if Mummy and Daddy are both working there is always Grandma to fall back on.

Oops...lost not list.

My sil suffered the same sort of behaviour with her DD. She was told off for dressing GD in an outfit that DD hadn't chosen, an DD really let rip and told her to leave. My sil travelled home the same day very confused and upset.

When we talked about it, I said 'Don't worry, she'll be back when she wants you to look after GD for week again' and true to form, she was.

Had it been my daughter, she would have had a telling off from me about her rudeness and lack of respect. We can pussyfoot around them too much for fear of losing touch with grandchildren.

I would just just become unavailable sometimes and see how they get on.

My best friend has 9 adult children, all breast fed as babies, all brought up, I think, very successfully. But when she offered some advice to her second daughter about her daughters first baby, she was told in no uncertain terms, ‘You know nothing’. Likewise, I’m a very experienced HV but have been lectured by (usually) darling SiL about the benefits of breast milk, baby sleep, etc, etc.

I think that we have to learn to ‘zip it’ as regards advice and as others on this thread have suggested, care for our grandchildren lovingly, don’t offer what may be seen as unwanted advice and then generally get out and enjoy ourselves with friends on our ‘days off’.

In fact, at the moment I’m on a sunny island on my ‘days off’ (love the Hotel WiFi) and lots of the possibly unintended criticisms from SiL, etc, have receded somewhat while I think about where DH and I can go for another swim and then a drink before dinner! ??

My family hates dummies and considers them to be disgusting, dirty things that often hinder speech so that's never been a problem. If I look after grandchildren my daughter will bring snacks in a lunch box and we discuss beforehand what I will offer for lunch but they are also welcome to eat whatever I have in the house during the day as well.

I do think if children are allowed to graze continuously though they then expect food on tap all the time and then don't always want to finish off their main meal. My daughter did start out being a bit precious in the early days with her first one which is not how I bought her up to be but she could soon see I would look after my granddaughter with love, fun and discipline so I do what I like with them now.

If had given up full time paid work to do free childcare I would expect a certain amount of gratitude, respect, hardly any criticism and some occasional treats as thanks!!

How dare they. Let them find another free childminder. I am appalled. Shame on them.

I dont think GUILT comes into it ,the baby is being kept too long without food...simple.A baby that age should have at least 22 ounces of milk as well as three meals and two healthy snacks a day ...meals should all include protein ..You shouldn't be worrying about a childs weight at this age ,as they get more mobile they need the calories for growth.Honestly some of the replies on here make me realise why there are so many who have problem relationships with their AC.

But I think this wAS A ONE-OFF - FAMILY TURNED UP EARLY TO PICK HER UP WHEN op ABOUT TO FEED HER. Ignore the capitals!!! - fat fingers.