Childcare criticism

I think you looked after your GD for a very long time and packed loads of things into the day, so you were probably a bit tired and not expecting this reaction, so very upset. They too probably had had a busy day and were tired and worried/guilty about leaving their DD, even though they know she is happy and cared for. Also, you're probably right that DiL feels guilty about you providing childcare all the time and not her DM. Everything seems bit a stressful with first children. Rather than getting upset, just listen to what they say and ask yourself if they have a point - even did you feel like that with your first? Try to feed GD on a more regular basis, even if it means cutting down the trips, or taking food out with you. My DD always used to have a hissy fit about something or other, then phone/text later to apologise for being grumpy. I know the last thing in the world she wanted to do was leave DGS with anyone else but she has to work, so I would never ever threaten her with not providing childcare (couldn't do without him either ). We do disagree on the dummy though - with Nan he only has it if he needs it (rarely) - and she manages to keep remarkably quiet about it! Like other posters, I would say enjoy your GD, perhaps drop her off to DiL, who must be missing her, and decide between you where she should eat her evening meal. Keep the details of the day positive and short. You will all start to relax eventually!

I think it sounds as though there is stress and tiredness on both sides so perhaps you need to talk through what the expectations are on both sides. However if you are not happy with the arrangement then perhaps it is time to call a halt.

I think that 5 hours between meals is just too long for a baby of 13 months (but fine for a 3 year old). At 13 months babies tend to eat tiny portions. When my kids were that age the advice was to give protein snacks such as yogurt or a piece of cheese. I was also surprised there was no mention of milk which is usually a large part of 1 year old's diet while they are growing fast.

I would also not necessarily change clothes for a small stain. I was wondering whether there is a greater disagreement between you and the parents about how to dress the child? Do you prefer little girls in dresses while the parents prefer more practical clothes? As if the top was dirty why change the bottoms as well? (knitted tights tend to be pretty cold in winter as they let the air in - they were banned at my kids' nursery unless you had trousers to go over the top).

Again I think there is a need to talk issues through with the parents. If it is making you so frustrated perhaps everyone would be happier if they used paid childcare.

Changed her clothes? So what? she was dressed! I take my GC to school, clubs, friends etc. My car/house, my rules! See how far they get without me!

I agree with OldMeg that parents often feel guilty they arnt looking after the child themselves, and I would also add, a little jealous. Sounds like you had a really nice day, and they were slogging it out at work, who know what sort of day they had.....

Agree with Paddyann but I would say you need to sit down with the parents and talk. Tell them how you feel.

I agree I used to feed my children only at mealtimes perhaps with a drink & snack mid morning & mid afternoon. But nowadays I've noticed GC are demanding snacks at frequent intervals and their mums always have snacks to give them.
On the other hand if she didnt ask for anything to eat.....!
My D and DiL have always given me a schedule with times of meals/snacks and left food or suggestions for them. I agree with others that it would be a good idea to ask for suggestions of food and timings and go with it even if you dont agree.
My GD did still have a couple if drinks of milk (in a sippy cup) at that age.
Other than that I cant see any problems with what you did - sounds good to me.

They are so very lucky to have you to care for her. I would have a word with your son and tell him so. Perhaps they were having a bad day. On Mumsnet posters are constantly posting they wish their Mum or MIL would care for their children for even 1/2 day each week.

I was taking my adult autistic son to the museum. My DGD was intrigued and like a sponge watching archive film show and watching other children also there. I usually take her to a toddler group or the local park or swimming pool

I read this post with interest. I help my working D with child care. I asked her today what she felt about this post and how she felt about my quality of care. Her response was very interesting, she said there are many posts on mumsnet about Grandparents providing childcare and criticism of the grandparents, she said overwhelming the response from other mums was, be grateful, accepting and appreciative or pay for childcare and stop moaning.

I think that maybe concern over the food issue was justified but such concern should have been addressed more sensitively. As for changing the child back into the clothes that she was previously wearing, I think that's just plain silly.

On this occasion, I would let it rest but if it is routine for the parents to constantly criticise I think I would be inclined to say that I was finding all the criticisms too worrying and tiring and suggest that they make alternative arrangements.

I really don't see why grandparents should be expected to keep quiet if no appreciation is shown for the help they are giving or common sense and courtesy applied when addressing concerns - even if those concerns are justified.

I still work, so can't offer childcare. Saying that, my attitude would be...if you're not happy with the way the child is being looked after, pay for childcare. I'm sure your son and his partner would soon change their tune! Enjoy your granddaughter, and let their comments go over your head

A few years ago you'd be in trouble for allowing food between meals. That was always one of my strict rules when my daughter was small. Not that my mum took much notice, I'm sure.
My daughter also used to accept that I didn't keep changing the grandchildren. I thought a blob of food was ok to leave.

My parents looked after my two boys (first one, then two) when I worked full time. The rule was you do what Nan and grandad say in their house. You do what Mum and Dad say in their house. Just because they allowed something didn't mean we would and vice versa. We had a set of basic rules and the rest was down to whichever home they were in. We collaborated on things but if they decided lunch time was at 2 pm and ours was 12 that was it. No debating or getting funny over who did what and when. I would have preferred to be home but it wasn't to be and grandparents caring was ideal.

I think if she had lunch at 12:30 then an apple in the afternoon there's nothing wrong with that perhaps her evening meal could be at five instead of five thirty. As for the dummy,who would force a child to have a dummy if they don't need it? It's a comfort thing but won't be if they have it all the time
, and it can damage her teeth coming through. Everything has changed since we had our children but Im afraid if they want someone to be regimented to their desires they have to pay for it. At our age it's whatever gets you through a long tiring day. As long as child is warm,fed,safe,loved and stimulated when you have her the other stuff doesn't matter.

I think, with all, you are doing for them, they need to compromise more. They seem to be picking over small things when, in fact, they should be thanking you. Maybe your DIL feels guilty about leaving her all day. But id be tempted to have a quiet word with son regarding your concerns. Difficult because obviously you don't want to fall out with them and be unable to spend time with your GD, but best tackle these issues before they grow to unpleasantness. I'm with you regarding dummies. If a child doesn't ask for it, then it's not needed.