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Criticism.

(46 Posts)
Nanawind Sat 27-Jan-18 08:29:53

I joined Gransnet a couple of months ago and love reading everyone's post but have noticed that some posters think it's ok when someone asks for help or support they criticise or in some cases be quite insulting, I thought this was a somewhere we could go for help.
I saw a thread recently where someone felt more lonely from reading Gransnet and now I understand what she or he meant let's not go down that road, please remember everyone has feelings and if they ask for help they need help.

farview Sat 27-Jan-18 08:33:27

Welcome to you Nanawindit takes a while,I think to really get into GN but most of the netters really are friendly.🌷

Christinefrance Sat 27-Jan-18 08:42:59

WelcomeNanawind ,yes farview is right you need to give it some time to get used to things. If someone asks for advice what is posted may not be what they want to hear but that does not mean its bad advice. Political threads do get heated at times but you can steer clear of those if you wish.
Good luckflowers

Baggs Sat 27-Jan-18 08:49:32

The thread about feeling lonely on Gransnet has slipped off the Active page but, if I remember correctly, I don't think the person who started it was criticising or being criticised. I think the loneliness was caused by a feeling of not quite fitting in or belonging yet.

As others have said above, it takes time. Just jump in, the water's lovely!

kittylester Sat 27-Jan-18 08:54:48

That's what I thought baggs.

Day6 Sat 27-Jan-18 08:58:10

Hello Nanawind.
Most Gransnetters are really good at offering advice, sympathy, experiences etc and yes, at times there can be a few differences of opinion, but that's what you'd get in 'real life' too, I suppose. I quite like hearing differing views and although a few people might be direct and sound harsh I think most people know threads move on and usually no offence is taken. It's easy to steer clear of any spats but they really are few and far between in my experience. Enjoy! smile

Eglantine21 Sat 27-Jan-18 09:03:24

I've sometimes thought we need little icon attachments that signify

"Want justification Only posts that agree wanted here"

or

"Feeling tender. Be honest but sympathetic."

or

"Tell me what to do. All opinions welcome"

Then we'd know and wouldn't tread on toes.
Might be a bit dull though.......

Day6 Sat 27-Jan-18 09:03:30

PS: Avoid the News and Politics forum though. That's heavy going and you need knuckledusters, coshes, ropes, whistles and an armed body guard before going in there. No holds are barred and unless you've got the hide of a rhino and a bottle of Valium I'd give it a miss. wink

Telly Sat 27-Jan-18 09:05:17

I think that while the vast majority of posts are supportive, its too easy to pay too much attention to the ones that are not. However, if you post on a forum you must expect a wide variety of opinions.

Nelliemoser Sat 27-Jan-18 09:32:31

If you post on (AIBU) am I being unreasonable you may well find you get get some honest responses you do not like .
Do think yourself about what you want to post before doing so. Some such posts do sound really unreasonable to many posters.

Nelliemoser Sat 27-Jan-18 09:34:02

Day6 Yes! That's about right. I avoid it nowadays.

Teetime Sat 27-Jan-18 09:46:23

Welcome nanwind most of us are friendly. Political topics can get heated I usually avoid those as I have quite enough of that at home. Sometimes advice can be a bit hard to hear cant it but I think its meant kindly- the written word can look a bit stark at times on social media. You can always personal message someone you find sympatico. Like me! smile

loopyloo Sat 27-Jan-18 09:49:28

Perhaps we should have a pact and politely reprimand s

loopyloo Sat 27-Jan-18 09:50:24

Sorry sorry ... sent too soon.

Bathsheba Sat 27-Jan-18 10:17:48

Welcome to Gransnet nanwind. As others have said, it does take a little while to become used to and comfortable with the site, but you will find most of us friendly and welcoming. The thing is, not everyone finds it easy to put their thoughts into words, and they can unintentionally come across as clumsy and uncaring, especially without the body language that we are so used to in real life.
Just jump in and post away - you'll soon get used to it (but maybe give the news and politics threads a wide berth, at least until you've grown a thick hide wink)

sunseeker Sat 27-Jan-18 10:25:00

Welcome nanwind I think you will find that GN is on the whole a very supportive place.

As others have said the politics threads do get very heated because people have strong views. Like Day6 I tend to avoid those threads now - not because I don't have opinions but because, to be honest, I don't see the point of arguing with people who I don't know, will probably never meet and who will have no effect on my life!! smile

lemongrove Sat 27-Jan-18 11:57:25

Hello nanwind I agree that posts asking for help and support need gentler comments than any other threads.
Most posters do adhere to that I think.

lemongrove Sat 27-Jan-18 12:00:23

Day6 😆
Fortunately I get ‘tooled up’ before entering those threads.

Scribbles Sat 27-Jan-18 12:00:36

Hi, Nanawind. I made my first post on GN last summer after lurking for a while. It was very nearly my last post! I expressed a view which didn't chime with the majority and a couple of people pounced on that and more-or-less suggested I'm a horrible person from a horrible family and devoid of all normal feelings. Ouch.
I decided to try again with something a little less controversial and now dip in and out as the mood takes me, gradually learning where I'm likely to "lock horns" with someone and avoiding those threads if I don't want the aggro.
Overall, GN, is a friendly, fun and supportive environment. I've also met a handful of other GNers via local meets and found them to be just as friendly, fun and supportive in RL, too. Please stick around!

M0nica Sat 27-Jan-18 14:59:01

Nanwind Implicit in your post is an assumption that if someone asks for help or advice we should support them, regardless of whether supporting them is the right thing. Some people's problems arise from their unreasonable behaviour and is it right or fair we should support them and say how we agree with their stance.

For example:Someone posts to say that they live a 10 minute walk from a new GC and want to see them every day, but their DS, says, no, once a week, because everyone wants to see DC and he and his wife want some family time alone with their DC. Would you immediately agree with this person, even though their demand is clearly unreasonable? Isn't kinder and fairer to point out that it is her DGC's parents to decide on visits, not hers to demand?

Sometimes the person seeking help gives too little information or we suspect we are not getting the whole story. It is not reasonable to expect us to give unreasoned support for every problem posed.

Oh dear, does this make me, one of the critical and insulting posters?

kittylester Sat 27-Jan-18 15:03:08

Nevertheless - a good post Monica!

Jane10 Sat 27-Jan-18 15:10:52

I agree!

BlueBelle Sat 27-Jan-18 15:37:54

I agree Monica I try to give an impartial take on a posters request for help and that isn’t always what the poster is looking for Some posters are really shocked when some comes up with a thought opposite to what they want to hear Some posts can be too direct though and a little diplomacy is still needed
Some subjects like bereavement, loss of contact with family members, breakups etc the poster is really looking for some empathy and support and I think gransnetters give it in bucketloads
Sometimes someone will come up with a problem that others can see a different side and the poster can’t and then it does need to be pointed out and that may not be liked (the old adage truth hurts ) there is no value in just saying ‘poor you there there’ to all problems ...and they did ask
I too keep out of the politics thread although I am interested in the subject but don’t want a daily row

M0nica Sat 27-Jan-18 16:04:40

I think the political threads have become truly boring. The same narrow clique saying the same old thing again and again and again. Many posts verge on the abusive and show absolutely no respect for anyone in public life whose views are not identical to theirs.

I have given up on them and when, now and again, I do have a peek, I notice that most of the members I remember contributing when we could could have a wide ranging discussion on an issue with respect for each other and our differing views has long gone.

Elegran Sat 27-Jan-18 16:17:44

When something is posted under "Am I being unreasonable . . ." and the reaction is "Yes, I think you are being unreasonable because . . ." it would be hypocritical to just pat the poster on the head and tell them that they are always in the right of it whatever they do. A straight question deserves a straight answer - it doesn't need to be a downright condemnation of them, just to show another point of view. If it lets them put themselves into the place of the other person in the story, and see both sides, then they will have gained an insight that may be useful to them. It may also be painfuyl for them to see how blinkered they were before - but that is life.