Someone offered to pray for DS!

I don't really know, kitty. She probably meant well, but I'd say this was tactless and maybe a bit smug. Praying for someone is a kind and thoughtful thing to do, but you can just get on with it without announcing that you're going to do so, surely? And it's probably a bit disheartening for your DS to think he's in need of prayers.

I agree, paddyann.
Lots of people we know told us they were praying for my husband, but I wouldn't have dreamed of telling them their prayers were not wanted. Neither of us are/were believers, but telling people their prayers are not wanted is like telling them that you do not respect their right to have faith.
I argue as much as possible with evangelistic Christians, etc., but someone saying they will pray for you is not trying to get you to change your mind about your lack of faith.
Anyway, I needed their friendship after he died.

I pray nightly for my friend who died recentl, , just aged 48 from breast cancer metastasis, I pray for her husband and two children.
I would never dream of mentioning this to the family as I have no idea of their belief system

As a non-religious person, I nevertheless at times think long and deeply about those of my friends and family who are ill or having a hard time. I suppose that is a sort of "prayer", though I don't envisage a god or gods listening.

I would not want someone asking me if they can pray for me or someone close to me. It would feel rather pious and show-offy on their part - and it would make me feel uncomfortable. I don't see the necessity of asking - If no permission was sought I wouldn't know anyway so what would it matter?

In the particular instance mentioned in the OP, I think it was pompous and insensitive, and an unnecessary and unasked for intrusion.

we spend time speaking to the two young Mormons who come around regularly and the Jehovahs Witnesses ho allways leave me their magazine.They dont try to convert me ....they'd be wasting their time..but it does no harm to be civil

I think that womans reaction might make a younger person with disabilties feel totally patronised.
It is "Oh we must do something for that poor disabled man." The "Does he take sugar" remark. For a disabled person to get that sort of reaction must be irritating in the extreme.
I had a colleague who was blind at a very early age. He was very independent and got really annoyed about such remarks. We now have a lot of comedians with disabilities of all sorts who are prepared to talk humorously about their lives with a disability.

(I nearly wrote "older people" might be more likely to say something like that. Then I remembered my next big birthday is looming fast and I will seriously be one of those older people. I want to hide.)

When I was a student my friend and I investigated shouting from next door and found the old lady who lived there had fallen and was unable to move. There was no light in the house and she was extremely concerned when we called the ambulance because she needed to be wearing her clean drawers. We followed her directions, got them from under the mattress and helped her to put them on.

Sadly she died after several weeks in hospital but we later found out that the congregation in her church had prayed for us in thanks for what we had done. I am not a believer but I was quite touched to be remembered in this way. I would never have been annoyed or offended. Someone praying for me makes no difference to my belief but it does to them so each to their own!

G2213 I think your example of being prayed for is very different from the OPs son’s situation- the message being sent to him was that he needed to be prayed for and was patronising. Anyway I never knew you had to ask permission to pray for someone, you would just do it.

Yes Mary it is different. We were never asked but the congregation did not know us and we may never have found out. It seems the lady actually asked the OP's DS if she could pray for him. I have thought about this and the only parallel I have is when my mother had a stroke and struggled to open her purse to pay for things. The kindly assistants would ask if she needed help but she always said, "No I can manage." They would then patiently wait some time while she struggled.

While I can see that this might come across as patronising I really think that people genuinely want to help. I wonder what the OP's DS said to the well meaning lady. Had it been me I might have smiled and said nothing, thinking, "She means well so I will not hurt her feelings", or said something like, "No thank you but I am not a believer and I am fine. Maybe you could pray for someone more in need, instead. Thank you for your kindness." However to some people I realise that might sound patronising too even though it was not meant to be.

Paddyanne your point that you wouldn’t mind your gran or parents praying for you if you were ill although you don’t believe, is VERY different to a stranger coming up to you in the street and ‘presumimg’ you are so ill or disabled that you need their sympathy and prayers’ it’s outrageous. This young man has obviously worked hard to become ambulant and I don’t blame him at all for being mad that someone is only looking at his negative disabilities It’s nothing to do with the praying, that is a kind thought, but it’s all to do with the presumption that he is so in need of a strangers’ help
It’s the same as her walking over to him and grabbing his arm and saying ‘oh you poor disabled soul let me help you and take you home’

It’s the same as her walking over to him and grabbing his arm and saying ‘oh you poor disabled soul let me help you and take you home’

Not quite the same, really. An offer of prayers, however annoying, is only words. Words that can be ignored, brushed off, replied to with whatever emotion (annoyance, pleasure, anger, joy, etc) one wishes. Grabbing someone's arm is a physical encroachment of someone's personal space.

Mind you, in both cases one could give a verbal reply that made it quite clear where one wanted the verbal or physical encroacher to 'get off', as the saying goes. Trouble is, such approaches can leave one a bit dumbfounded by their sheer audacity. And it's upsetting, where upsetting means dismaying, agitating, discomposing, when one is dumbfounded by a stranger's damm cheek.

People asked if I would like them to pray for my brother after he had a horrendous accident and his life was in the balance. I said, "If you like".

To me praying is more about the prayer (he who prays) than the prayed for.

Given my shruggish response I sometimes got asked "Don't you think it will help him?" to which I would reply that if anything would help him it was the skilled surgery he was getting and associated human endeavours. It is certain that without all the putting back together by skilled surgeons and without the help of modern medical technology and nursing my brother would be dead.

It’s the same feeling it gives the person receiving it Baggs

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the religious part of it It’s the cheek of a stranger to decide someone needs her intervention and then the completed lack of insight to go and tell the person If you feel emotion for someone and believe in prayer offer one up silently

I'm not sure I agree about the two things generating the "same" feeling, bb but I know what you're saying. I agree about the cheek of it but, then, evangelising religion does rather go in for cheeky. As I said, it's about the person offering to pray and not about the person being prayed for. Some people need to pray and so, I guess, some of them sometimes need to find things or people to pray for. I'm not saying that insultingly to or about anyone who prays, btw, just making what, to me, seems like an objective observation.

The woman seemed to pick DS out as she seemed to be shopping until she spotted him.

The feeling the posters son must have got is I must look ill, I must look incapable, all this hard work I ve been through to walk again and yet I m still seen by the outside world as needy, ill, disabled and they are feeling pity for me

Let’s hope the lady in question was mentally ill otherwise she was well out of order, not out of order to pray that’s up to each individual but out of order to approach the chap to fulfill her needs not his
If he asked for help or prayers totally different

I would like to ask Kitty if her son answered the lady ?

What very strange responses on here. 'Let's hope the lady in question was mentally ill otherwise she is well out of order.'
Really?
A kindly offer, well-meant, that would do no harm. And you hope she is mentally ill.

I wonder how I would have responded if someone had said that to me? Probably I would have politely thanked them as instinctively I would not have wanted to offend them, then I would have spent the next week thinking up offensive put downs I should have said. Your dear son must be fuming at her rudeness.

I would question your comment 'that would do no harm', easybee - it shook DS and made him feel patronised.

BlueBelle, I've asked!

Perhaps she just felt lonely and needed someone to chat to.

When I was ill I was told by a relative that they were praying for me not just quietly in their own heads but being named in their church. Okay, I wasn't there and didn't hear it but then when you get better to be told that their prayers had been answered. Gobsmacked, nothing at all to do with the brilliant surgeon and my determination.
kitty I am not surprised your DS was cross.

Unless you know that someone shares your religious belief it's can be quite offensive to foist it on them.

A friend told me once that she was praying that I would receive comfort (and enlightenment) from a God I didn't believe in. When I said Thank you and I will cast some spells for you she was horrified and said that I mustn't do it.

I wasn't going to......

Too be honest I don't mind anyone wanting to pray for me.
I am not a believer but It does indicate that someone is trying to perhaps "bless me".
They believe in a kind and loving God and want to spread that feeling of kindness to everyone they meet. It shows that they are caring.
When I was working I had cause to contacted Salvation Army people and similar organisations and they always said God bless when you rang off. .

I do seem to have this slightly confused relationship with the church as someone who does not believe in a God.

Does anyone else get what I am trying to explain.
Hedging my bets?

I'm obviously a prickly old person Nellie. To me it's an invasion of - well I'm not quite sure really- an invasion of my essential self.

I didn't like it when somebody in the village came and weeded my garden without asking either.

It's a lack of respect.

I understand Nellie and I'm fairly sure that prayed when DS first had his stroke that was definitely hedging my bets!