How do I tackle this? Help please.

Get all your paperwork together, and take yourself quietly off to a lawyer to figure out exactly where you stand in all this mess.

A tied property as well, that can't be subdivided. Dear God. This is absolutely one for a lawyer.

You could have a calm conversation with your DD about the future and explain that as your OH is finding managing money difficult you would like her to take over paying all the bills and you will then pay her for your share, say 50%. It would make everything easier for you all looking into the future and avoid recriminating discussions now.

My advice: research the situation re bills as far as you can; go to a solicitor or Age Concern with appropriate notes ready to explain; leave paper bills for utilities, insurances etc lying about at home in a prominent place; when you feel ready, channel your present anger & calmly present your case to your family who share the house.

I would have a bullet point list as an aide memoire. I would also ask for their patience/courtesy (in whatever way you think will work) so that they actually listen to you without interruption - perhaps over tea & cake?

I feel for you & I wish you luck. I am very hopeful that the situation will have a positive outcome.

Times and circumstances change, and maybe if you talk to your family about the circumstances now that your Husband isnt as capable, they will no doubt realise they now need to pay their way, even if it comes as a shock to them.Good Luck.

You mention your Daughter has a family of grown up children who live with her - how old, and how many? They will be using a lot more water, heat, light, power (e.g. how many mobile phones and computers) than you and your husband I imagine. How many long showers a day? Mum to 2 daughters here, who when still at home spent ages in the shower!

I really feel for you @chicken. It must be such a nightmare when you are so worried about your DH too. Sending you some cyber hugs if you feel able to accept from a complete stranger. Very much hope you can get some good advice from CAB, AgeUK, or other professional help.

Hello chicken, if your husband is mentally impaired you might be eligible for either no or a reduced council tax...my mother had dementia and paid zero council tax.

Perhaps the adult children assumed it wasn’t a problem, financially to you. Maybe if you sit down and talk it through, they will step up to the mark.

Poor you chicken! I would be cross too! You've had some good advice about how to tackle DD and family, but I would also advise you getting Lasting Powers of Attorney for your husband if his memory is going and before he loses the capacity to make important decisions. Get both POA for Property and Affairs, and Health and Welfare. He can still make decisions, but the POAs mean you can act for him when he wishes, and it is there for when he can't any longer cope. I urge you to make it a priority.

I find this situation really odd. Excuse my confusion. First of all how did you not know your daughter and family weren’t contributing? Did you never discuss it with her? Or your husband?

Assuming you never had any money worries until now and you have a good relationship with your daughter why can’t you just say it as it is? Honey we’ve supported you for x number of years but can’t continue. Either you start contributing or we will have to sell the house (words to that effect).

I can’t see any reason why you should be angry. Just lay it on the lines.

I do think they have taken advantage but sounds to me like she felt it was what you wanted to do?

Don’t fret don’t sweat but time for some honest speaking all round.

If DD doesn’t like it well tough

Good luck ?

Re-reading your thread, Chicken, you really need to get legal advice. About the status of your part ownership, and your rights if you do want to sell.
It sounds too complicated for us forum members to give an opinion.
But we can see why you're worried, especially as your husband isn't as well as he used to be.
Go and see a solicitor.

As you don't know what discussion there was with your DD and your DH if he has always dealt with finances I don't think there is anything wrong with sitting down with them and going through costs of running the house with a view to a more equal split on the bills.

If you are scrimping and just scraping by then I don't think it is unreasonable to let your DD and SIL know this as you gave them half the property. You have already been very generous.

Please make an appointment to see your solicitor a.s.a.p.
For your own peace of mind, you need support, guidance and legal help on how to deal with the present situation and clarification on your financial position should you and/or your husband ever need health care.