Adults childrens birthdays

In our family we usually organise a get together meal at each birthday, they each I’m sure organise time with friends but OH are included in the birthday meal with our children and our grownup grands I’m sorry you feel left out.
Could you not invite them to a meal out instead.

I've never really thought about this. I havn't expected to be part of their birthday celebrations since they were about 18. I know that when they were younger they would enjoy being with their friends and now that they are older they enjoy being with their own husbands and children. I suppose I think that their birthdays belong to them, not to me.
I am glad that you had a happy time with your daughter. She sounds lovely.

We just celebrate the birthday next time we are together, go out for a meal and possibly have a day out together.

We have been doing this since the children were quite young and still at home because DH travelled so much and we all wanted him to be around for any family celebrations. The family celebration, whenever it is, means more to me than the actual day of the celebration.

Our daughter has never really included us in her birthday celebrations. When she was 40 I thought we might have been invited to join in but we weren't. We did have something to do with her being born after all! She spent it with her DH and DGD and a friend. Our teenage granddaughter loves all her family being included in her special days

We never expect anything from our children so are always delighted to be included. In my view, they now have their own families and should celebrate with them. We have been invited to the 'big' ones though when they have occurred.

I never think to be included in birthday celebrations my children may organise for themselves because, where possible and practical, I still host some kind of family get-together for them myself.

In my family (three grown-up children - two with partners) we all gather at my house (because I have the most room) to celebrate our birthdays. Nearly always with an Indian Take-away. The partners always come too. We always have a good time, maybe playing games - the card game UNO is very popular at the moment. But there are no grand children yet so if any arrive (and I am hoping very much that they do) I expect it will all change but for now I am happy with the arrangement

Birthdays have never really seemed that important in our family once the children got past the age of about 6 or 7. Nowadays we usually try to meet up for a meal - I usually put some money in the bank for sons and granddaughters who are now grown up - can't send gifts to the other side of the world for the little grandsons so give their parents money to go and buy them something. My own birthday doesn't mean much to me - and husband's is so close to Christmas he's never celebrated it.

Two children live away I send them cards and money every birthday as I do the grandchildren The daughter that lives near me gets card money or presents and we usually go out to a meal as she has no one else, if her partner was alive I certainly wouldn’t expect to join them on a birthday meal
If there was a big party they d ask me but we re too dotted around the world for there to be a family party
I only have three family members in this country

Hi I certainly understand you feeling left out but it is a fact of life that birthdays in the main don't include parents if you live some distance from your family. I would love to have seen my sons on their birthdays and on mine but have had to accept that I won't. I don't even see my GC on theirs either. It's not impossible just depends probably on what's always been done, friends of mine see the whole family on all birthdays. My sons 40th was the worst I really tried to encourage him to have a family get together but he didn't want it! Sad.....but there we have it ! I try to absorb myself with other things to take my mind off it. My grandson coincidentally is 13 this weekend I shall be thinking of him.

I hardly ever see my children, let alone on birthdays! Thank goodness for friends!!!! Will be spending my 70th without family this year.... Very sad ?

Glad you enjoyed your lunch with daughter.. my children live 300 miles away and daughter lives in n.z.with 2 of my grandchildren..son has daughter and new baby on way..its hard not being near them but have to accept that they are happy and got their own lives..hardest part for me is G.p that live near them.

I am not included in anything at all. I am partially disabled and am hanging on to my house and not go into care at all as I want to pass the house on to my son. But on Friday the kitchen flooded and I was besides myself. I called my son for help, he is only literally 2 minutes away by car, and got an earful. He did eventually come, but I then got another earful. I help my son and his family a lot, both financially and in having my 2year old grandaughter 2 days a week, which is lovely. I have always been there for the 3 of them whenever they needed help, and have always had their backs. But I am very hurt at being excluded from everything, even an emergency hand for the flooded kitchen. AIBU?

we send cards and presents to mychildren. in-laws and grandchildren One lived far enough away that we have to stay and up til now pay for an hotel. in their new place they have room for us but not the money to buy a bed for us to sleep in so we see them 3 or 4 times a week. It's a shame when family breaks down

Sulis....why on earth would you want to sacrifice yourself so your ungrateful son can inherit your house? Seriously?

It's easy to feel left out when grown-up children live far away, and all sorts of happy things are going on in their lives. My far-flung family has a thread set up in FB messenger, so that we can take quick photos on our phones and share them. Indeed, although I was mouldering away quietly at home for New Year, the messages were pinging in from several far-flung corners of the globe, and it felt like we were all at a family party.

Oh my goodness, Sulis, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! I don’t suppose it’ll make any difference if I say, “please think
of yourself for a change”, but I honestly think you should. If being in care would help your quality of life I think you should consider it carefully. Your son may not like it but as you’re not included in his life anyway, would it make much difference? I hope these cheer you up a little bit.

Sulis, please do whatever is best for you and don’t worry about your son. As Nitpick says, he is at ungrateful, and frankly I think I could quite easily find some even more unflattering words to describe him. One that comes to mind is selfish.

We always see the two daughters who are in this country on or near their birthdays and make a special meal, give presents, and invite the other one. So what with partners and grandchildren it makes quite a group. I think it's a bit insensitive of your children not to remember the essential part you played in their birthdays! (btw, I would never drop in unannounced on an adult child - I hate it when people do it to me).

I can quite honestly remember feeling it a burden that my mother always wanted to see me on my birthday years after I had moved away from home. The trouble was she prevented my being with my own friends and as a young adult that was annoying.

Later on of course, I can see her side of it.

have you tried mentioning that you would like to be part of your children's birthdays?

To my mind none of you are unreasonable if you feel left out or hurt.

Franbernn, It is my second granddaughter’s 28th birthday today. Not only have we not been included in any celebrations of her birthday we haven’t been included in any of her birthdays since she was 17 or in her forthcoming wedding in July. Her father, our son, who always did his best for her and her sister despite some very hard times, hasn’t been included or been asked to give her away. Same story with her sister , 30 in May, marrried two years ago and had her first child last year. I would welcome being able to pay these beautiful girls a visit, hold our first great-grandchild and sit in the garden with them like you did but I know it will never happen. Count your blessings and enjoy your time with your family.

I think times have changed. Birthdays used to be a family affair. But I think nowadays our adult children tend to spend their birthdays out for meals with friends or quietly by themselves. I think perhaps, especially if they work and have children themselves, they don't have the time or energy to plan a family party. Please don't take it to heart, especially if overall you have good relationships with your children.

We always spend all the birthdays together,AD their partners and GC 's birthdays .It was my sons birthday at the weekend and his sister was too ill to drive but she was desperate to be part of it so my OH collected her and her son,the 2 girls were already with us for the weekend and her husband joined us when he finished work .I know I'm lucky we are all so close .

We usually have a family meal and then daughter and sil do something with their friends. Sometimes our children don't like us to see how they behave when we're not there!!