Jokes: Some Rude; Never Crude

A riddle for a change.

Oh yes. I like it!

Very good Maw!

Brilliant maw!

Had to have my first cup of coffee before I worked it out!

Good one! I’ll try that out on GS this morning!

A 60 year old woman was summoned for a health check. On her return. She told her husband that the Doc had said she still had a waist like a 20 year old and a face like a 40 year old

He asked her

“And what did he say about your saggy 60year old Bum”

“ He said you should make an appointment too”.

Well I'm very slow this morning, have only just worked out Maw's riddle!

A riddle for a change.
Maw; this is a change of pace, but can this old dodderer ask for an answer, please, from either you or your cheer squad. Hope it's clever.

Duh!

Oops, forgot the

Well I'm very slow this morning, have only just worked out Maw's riddle
Polly; Please share it! Nothing will shock me!
I'm even slower and we've had a perfectly shocking day, weatherwise, freezing cold and wet and it's the penultimate day of official Winter. Oh for some warmth!

Actually very simple Rufus. Just count the number of letters in the words! Reminds me of the old playground joke : constantinople is a very big word. If you can 't spell it you're the biggest fool in the world. The joke being that 'it' is spelt I T.

Another riddle:

The man who made it doesn't want it, the man who bought it doesn't need it and the man who needs it doesn't know it.

What is it?

A coffin?

Got it in one Elegran you are obviously too clever for me

It isn't the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you offin.

I`m admitting to being incredibly thick, I didn`t get Maw`s riddle until PollyP explained it!

Elegran My DF used to quote that one!

Also, "Mairzy dotes and dozy dotes, but liddle lamzy divey"!

Forgot the next line!

"A kiddley divey, too, wouldn't you?"

If the words sound queer
And funny to your ear
A little bt jumbled and jivey
Sing "Mares eat oats and does eat oats,
And little lambs eat ivy"

Oh, I didn't know there was any more to it Elegran! Thanks, I've learnt something new!

A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldnt you?
My mother used to sing that too!

Man goes into outpatients at hospital ; his legs are covered in blisters. Nurse says "'ow did you do that?"
"opening a tin of soup; the label said "stand in hot water for 10 minutes!"
Sorry!

A C ofE vicar, a Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest share a train compartment.
The vicar suggests as it's just the three of them they might speak about a secret they were ashamed of.
The rabbi said that he was ashamed that he often emptied the collection box and bet the money on horses.
The vicar said he was ashamed that his weakness was women and he often visited brothels.
They both turned expectantly to the priest who said.
"I'm ashamed to say I'm a terrible gossip".