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Jokes: Some Rude; Never Crude

(108 Posts)
Rufus2 Sun 26-Aug-18 13:15:08

Nurse to elderly patient;
"We need a poo sample and a urine sample."
Patient to wife;
"What did she say?"
Wife to husband;
"They want your underwear"

It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My husband is in depression; he has been standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow I'll have to let him in.

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.75, deer nuts are under a buck!

kathsue Sun 26-Aug-18 13:42:50

Thanks Rufus I needed a laugh. My dog's peering out of window, with her legs crossed, waiting for rain to stop.

Riverwalk Sun 26-Aug-18 13:51:47

The first 'joke' is in bad taste.

IMO, with a few exceptions e.g. Grumpa, Michael and the late Feetle , men who post on here just don't seem to 'get it'. They want to educate, enlighten and entertain.

pollyperkins Sun 26-Aug-18 13:58:13

The second one about the rain is funny though!! grin

merlotgran Sun 26-Aug-18 14:51:06

I miss feetle. sad Whenever there was a thread about music his knowledge and humour were invaluable. Obviously a very talented man and an asset to Gransnet.

Eloethan Sun 26-Aug-18 15:13:33

I didn't like the first one either but I agree the second one was funny - and it made my husband laugh.

Jalima1108 Sun 26-Aug-18 15:50:46

I do think the rain joke is very funny - especially as it's been pouring down here all day.

Rufus I posted a song on the thread about favourite lines from songs especially for you. I'm not sure if you saw it

minesaprosecco Sun 26-Aug-18 15:53:55

I think they're all funny. Thanks for the laugh!

sodapop Sun 26-Aug-18 15:56:33

They all made me laugh, but I have an odd sense of humour at times. Nurses often have what can only be termed an earthy sense of humour.
I have to confess to finding Mrs Brown's boys funny sometimes. Sorry to those Gransnetters with more delicate sensibilities.

Deedaa Sun 26-Aug-18 16:15:40

I miss feetle too. Really liked the second one!

GillT57 Sun 26-Aug-18 16:19:13

Man to GP: I have this problem, I think I am a moth
GP to Man: I can't help, you need to see a psychiatrist
Man to GP: That's where I was going, but your light was on.....

gillybob Sun 26-Aug-18 17:38:04

I like Mrs Browns boys too Sodapop blush and thought all Rufus’ jokes were funny . Yours too GillT57 grin

sodapop Sun 26-Aug-18 19:45:18

Does this say something about us Gillybob😊

Eloethan Sun 26-Aug-18 19:56:29

That's definitely my sort of humour GillT. smile

GillT57 Sun 26-Aug-18 22:07:05

Thank you 😂

NonnaW Sun 26-Aug-18 22:39:35

Personally I don’t see a problem with any of the jokes on here, I found them all funny. Sadly I can’t at this moment think of any to add, sorry.

minesaprosecco Sun 26-Aug-18 22:48:21

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman is amazed that the duck can talk, but pulls the pint anyway. He asks the duck 'What are you doing here?' The duck replies 'I'm working at the building site next door.' The barman says 'You know, there's a circus in town. You should go and see the ringmaster, I bet he'd give you a job.' The duck says 'Circus? Big round canvas tent?' The barman says 'Yes, that's right' and the duck says 'What would they want with a plasterer?'

MissAdventure Sun 26-Aug-18 22:51:23

Two cows in a field, one goes "MOOO!"

"Oh, I was just going to say that!" says the other one.

merlotgran Sun 26-Aug-18 22:58:07

What do you buy a man with a weak heart?

A wee donkey.

MissAdventure Sun 26-Aug-18 23:34:34

Two bags of crisps are walking down the road when a man they know stops to offer them a lift.
"No thanks" they say, "we're walkers".

gillybob Sun 26-Aug-18 23:47:55

I think it means we share the same wicked SOH soda

Love it merlot although still trying to explain it to DH though (who should be ashamed as he’s half Scottish ) .

gillybob Sun 26-Aug-18 23:50:38

Yours wins the prize for me so far minesaprosecco grin

ninathenana Mon 27-Aug-18 00:12:56

gilly Thanks for the Scotish reference re merlot's joke, I didn't get it until you said that blush

phoenix Mon 27-Aug-18 00:22:20

A man walks into a bakers in Glasgow and says "Is that a chelsea bun or a meringue?" The assistant replies, no, it's a chelsea bun".

Rufus2 Mon 27-Aug-18 07:09:50

trying to explain it to DH though
Gillybob; I'm zero Scottish (thankfully), so you'll have a tougher job explaining it to me too! And I also need an interpreter to understand Phoenix's Glasgow bakery joke! confused