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Renewing Wedding vows

(28 Posts)
overthehill Sun 28-Oct-18 12:50:55

See Jamie Oliver is renewing his.

Is it me or is this a complete farce. I've been married 44 years why would I need to renew my vows. Neither of us has strayed (as far as I know) so the original ones are still in place.

An excuse for a party perhaps.

mumofmadboys Sun 28-Oct-18 13:00:15

I think people usually do this after having a rough/ tough patch and is an act of renewing their vows and commitment to each other. Fair enough.

Dolcelatte Sun 28-Oct-18 13:03:00

I think if you've broken them, I can understand it, but definitely not just an excuse for a party - better to celebrate a wedding anniversary grin

EllanVannin Sun 28-Oct-18 13:10:42

A very dear friend of mine did while living in Cyprus at the time. For no other reason other than they both loved each other very much and they'd found the most beautiful church from where we'd seen its dome when we were staying on holiday with them a few years ago. Not many years later her husband died suddenly after they'd returned to the UK.
They were both in their 50's at the time.

annsixty Sun 28-Oct-18 13:12:04

I so agree with you all.
You make vows on your wedding day and you either keep them or you don't.
To renew them means they are damaged or broken.

ginny Sun 28-Oct-18 13:54:30

I’m in the why ? camp.
If vows have been kept there is no reason to renew them. If they have been broken ,well, if a promise is not kept the first time.

seacliff Sun 28-Oct-18 14:02:49

I wouldn't do it personally. I think some do it just as a excuse for a good party, and possibly because when they first married they only had a small do due to little money. Some want new photos etc etc.

My Mum and Dad had lovely family parties to celebrate their special anniversaries, and I think that's perfectly adequate.

kittylester Sun 28-Oct-18 14:09:17

I knew someone who went on a cruise every year on their anniversary and had a renewal ceremony conducted by the captain. The bride had a new wedding dress every time and her witness had one too. They got divorced because he had an affair.

PECS Sun 28-Oct-18 14:11:44

I have wondered why people do that.. not critical of those that choose to but just wonder why they do.
DH & I had a very tricky time after 17 married /22 years together.. we worked it through and are devoted to each other and very content ..even if we grumble hmm But I think a second ceremony would have been inappropriate for us. We sustained our relationship through a lot of hard work on both our parts because we knew we were better together than apart. Also we probably never had the time never mind the inclination!

LullyDully Sun 28-Oct-18 14:30:33

We don't feel the need after 42 years .

However my son has been through a very tough year with bowel cancer and not knowing the outcome. He is doing really well now after much chemotherapy, radiotherapy and 4 operations. He and his wife would like to put it all behind them ( if all continues to go well ) and renew their vows after 7 years and two little boys. Good luck to them I say.
Not us though we are fine as we are. Also their wedding was a very grand affair unlike our own in 1976 so times change maybe.

TerriBull Sun 28-Oct-18 14:59:05

My first reaction is just why? under normal circumstances.

I'm sure this practice didn't exist a few years ago, when everyone was a lot less showy and stoicism was a virtue. I perceive this renewal of vows palaver in some ways to be c'leb driven. Make a quick buck by getting it covered by "Hello" or the like, all part of the whole gamut of putting "so called private lives" in the public domain. Starting with big flashy wedding, childbirth, weight loss and boot camp, then my nightmare hell, any combination of cheating partner/cocaine meltdown/failed business venture/bankruptcy/breakdown/rehab for PTSD, Recover from all of that by renewing vows before the inevitable divorce. On to the next marriage and repeat sequence, making sure it's all fully covered by trashy magazine or tv fly on the wall, whilst simultaneously asking public to respect privacy.

However, I can see, as outlined by LullyDully above, the desire to mark surviving something traumatic in a special way is understandable.

EllanVannin Sun 28-Oct-18 14:59:39

Yes LullyDully a lot depends on such circumstances as my dear friend and her husband had lost a daughter through illness so on their part it was a way of gaining extra strength.

aggie Sun 28-Oct-18 15:04:28

At the Mass for an Aunt and her Husbands 60th Anniversary the Priest asked them to renew their vows , this was about 15 years ago , I thought it was strange at the time , they were very devout and just went along with it

PECS Sun 28-Oct-18 15:06:04

I can see if a couple have been through some life changing experience (major illness/trauma or bereavement) they may find succour in a renewal of vows.. a sort of "see I really meant the 'better or worse' the first time!"

Jalima1108 Sun 28-Oct-18 15:15:00

kittylester I shouldn't have laughed - but I did!!

I do know an elderly couple who renewed their vows after 70 years smile

kittylester Sun 28-Oct-18 15:24:38

jalima, we were all just relieved that we were spared the annual 'do you like this dress?', 'which shoes do you like?', 'which jewellery?', 'shall i dye my hair?' etc etc.

merlotgran Sun 28-Oct-18 15:25:14

If renew actually meant update I wouldn't be able to resist adding my twopenneth.

For better for worse....OK, it's my turn now for the better, you can have some of the worse for a change.

For richer for poorer....After 50 yrs can the rich happen soon....Pleeeeease?

In sickness and in health....Let's not go there after 50yrs. Can we scrap that one please?

To love and to cherish....Been doing that for 50 yrs so scrap that one as well.

Till death us do part....Don't tempt fate. Scrap that!!

According to God's holy law....In my house, I make the rules. Got it??

In the presence of God I make this vow....Why???

Total waste of time if you ask me. Just have a bloody good knees up and be done with it.

PECS Sun 28-Oct-18 15:29:58

That is why we love a birthday in our house..we always make a bit of a fuss.. phew...we made it for another year!

Jalima1108 Sun 28-Oct-18 15:35:45

Well, I certainly would not say 'obey' at any renewal service!
It wasn't supposed to be included originally but the vicar said it and I didn't like to stop the service and cause a fuss.

I've never taken any notice of it anyway. grin

Trappy Sun 28-Oct-18 16:11:01

A friend renewed his vows and had a big party to celebrate his Silver Wedding, think it was mainly his wife and daughter that wanted it. A year later he had an affair and the marriage broke down! Guess there were already problems that she thought would be solved by it!
But then a seriously ill cousin renewed his quietly in hospital shortly before he died.
Arguments for and against I guess!

lemongrove Sun 28-Oct-18 16:16:38

We went to one of these renewal of vows a few years ago.
The wife had gone through a life changing illness ( as you suggested PECS for a reason) and I knew she was worried about her husband continuing to stay with her. What a heel he would have been to have left at that point, but his life has been very difficult and he is depressed.It all felt a bit embarrassing to be honest, everyone looked a bit sheepish.

Wheniwasyourage Sun 28-Oct-18 17:33:37

It's not for us either after 44 years. However, we attended a renewal of vows for a couple who had had a difficult episode (no infidelity or anything like that) and were making a fresh start after working through the problem. They were and are a devoted couple, but the renewal after the difficult time obviously meant a lot to them and we were happy for them.

annsixty Sun 28-Oct-18 18:37:42

I have been to one, it was very close friends and they had the "do" at their home.
The priest came and they went through the vows and then he invited us all ,about 20 couples, to do the same and renew the vows, I was very very very uncomfortable as I really didn't want to do it, so I kept silent.
It was a very awkward occasion, but the food and drink were exceptionall.
Is that a reason to do it?, I think not.

Anniebach Sun 28-Oct-18 18:38:53

Each couple have their reasons

NanKate Sun 28-Oct-18 19:33:53

I always think that couples who have another child in the hopes it will keep their marriage going, are totally delusional.