Old attitudes live on.

Widowers (and in fact any man on his own who is getting on) who goes actively chasing after a new partner is looking for a housekeeper on the cheap! Run a thousand miles girls - especially if you suspect his last wife died of pure boredom due to Retired Husband Syndrome.

Well my mum obviously didn't read gransnet. Widowed at 75,remarried at 85!?

Grammaretto.
We had a similar experience with my late MiL who had to go into care with severe dementia. We used to take lots of photographs in as a prompt to try and jog her memory. Although she knew who we were ( we think) she rarely recognised her late husband on the photo,s. Think in her mind she had reverted back to her much younger years. The chef who used to bring the menu,s around personally to the residents came with them one day while we were visiting. He showed MiL the menu and went through it with her, asking her choices. All the while she flirted with him like a teenager....he just took it in his stride. As he went on to the next person with menu,s he said " cheerio see you later" dread to think what was going through her mind.

Grammaretto, he may very well have forgotten his wife anyway - it's not at all uncommon in dementia for someone to cease to recognise their own spouse, or other close family for that matter - and it can happen quite quickly. With my own mother it happened in the space of a week.
One week her eyes would light up when she was me coming - the next,they were just blank - I was just a 'nice lady' who made her cups of tea, etc.
Of course it's very upsetting, though.

A friend's neighbour, who'd only had dementia for a year or two, became very upset and angry with 'that man!' in her house, and wanted him out! They'd been been married for over 40 years.

Monica me too, best MIL ever, same thoughts 're DDiL, SiL also wonderful.

I have two friends who, in the same week, lost their late spouses after long and very happy marriages. Nine months later they met via a web site. They are blissfully happy seven years later and I'm sure that has a.lot to do with happy earlier marriages. No baggage.

I've been divorced and alone for 30 years. In all that time I've never met anyone I wanted to share more than a couple of hours with, let alone my life and home. But then I think men are like parking spaces - the best ones are already taken!

I was 'found', by my OH of 6 years, on a dating site. My ex is still single in every respect and has approached me twice (via our children) to get together again. I prefer living alone.
I shouldn't think it difficult for both parties, in many instances, to move on and meet new people.

I've been widowed for ten years. I'm not lonely and not interested in a replacement. I enjoy the autonomy of being single. I think that old saying (actually, I'd never heard it before) may be true for men of a certain generation who are used to having their various needs met by a partner. If you are the one who has met those needs for a partner in the past, it can be refreshing to have only yourself to please.

One of my closest friends has started a relationship with one of his wife's friends only a year and a big after her death.they had been married for 46 years, never had a lot to do with the friend before. His daughter finds it very upsetting .

Bit not big

Willow10, you eccho my sentiments exactly! Divorced 32 years, and free to 'do my own thing', solve my own problems and go on my own kind of holidays!

What ridiculous old fashioned sayings. I was widowed 13 years ago and have since met a lovely man (after sampling a few ogres). No I wouldn't marry again, only because I can't see the point. We live together in blissful sin, another outdated viewpoint. I hated being on my own with no one to share life with and I haven't "replaced my husband". Life goes on and you should do as you please without guilt or the need for others approval. Glad I've got that off my chest!

Mcem. Quite possible if that person had a loving relationship and becoming a widow is not an option unlike divorce.

After divorce and a subsequent 10year relationship, I explored internet dating for a very short spell.
Couldn't visualise sharing my life and home with any one of them!
One explained (or perhaps 'mansplained') that he was looking for a lady to fill the gap left by his late wife. She should be a good cook and he was happy to allow her to meet friends and go shopping on condition that she had dinner ready for him when he returned from the golf course!

I informed him
1. that I was no domestic goddess!
2. that I wouldn't be applying for the post.
He seemed surprised!!!
I plan to remain happily independent.

Hopefull. What a wonderful arrangement, no strings? unique in this day and age.

My dad's widow met someone within weeks of the death of my father.
She was alot younger than him, only early 40s when he died, very lovely lady.
She had nursed him during his illness and he adored her.
I was shocked but not upset, it wasn't my business. She introduced me to her new man. He was nice guy too. The she slowly backed out of our lives. Really sad for my dd, she was her nanna after all.
No idea what happened after that. I hope they were happy.

Life is much more pleasant when you have someone to share it with.

I have an arrangement just like Hopefull - Living as a couple with no intention of getting married. What I have will go to my children. What he has will go to his.
One household saves us money, we share the cooking and cleaning, enjoy lots of activities together, holidays are much cheaper, one property can be rented to provide more income, we both now have a wider social circle etc.
It's a perfect solution.

My grandmother was also widowed very young with three children but told my mum she would never remarry as she had freedom she would never have had otherwise, this is a long time ago. My mum was married just on 50 years and after a while said she just enjoyed doing what she wanted when she wanted, however, they both had family nearby. A dear friend recently widowed says she will never remarry as she had 6 years of nursing her husband and couldn't chance finding herself in that situation again. Most widowers we know have found someone else eventually but not necessarily remarried.

Unfortunately Grammaretto this is one of the sad things about Alzheimers.

Hilarious?? Dear me!!! Poor woman!

From my own observations, men do move on very quickly and do not like being single. I’ve spoken to a couple of male friends who said that once they were widowed or divorced, in a very short period of time they had several women actively chasing them too !! As you all say, women live longer so there aren’t enough men about for those that want one !

I'm beginning to wonder why I read these posts. So many of you have such a jaundiced attitude to life! Surely there is no right or wrong way of moving on, when a partner dies. We are all different in character & experiences & need varying things to live contented lives. I would say that the pension situation is a good reason for couples to keep both properties & not bother with a wedding. After all it's only a piece of paper - it's how people feel about each other that is really important. Too controversial?!

Why are all these women and men so desperate to have another partner in their lives as soon as possible? I mean no disrespect to anyone and many people will find new happiness with new partners but, surely now a days, when no-one judges anybody by whether they have a partner or not, they should be capable of making a new life for themselves on their own terms and on their own feet.

I cannot imagine being widowed and feeling that I cannot cope without a man, almost any man, in my life.

I love DH dearly, and want him around as long as possible, but I am absolutely confident that I could live a full and fulfilling life without him - or anyone else.

Monica... all these women and men so desperate...... of course you are not judging are you!