Old attitudes live on.

I'd go along with MawBroon that if I could have my husband back all would be solved.
Never in a month of Sundays would I ever have matched his like-----honest,easy-going good-humoured intelligent.

I've been widowed for many years now and prefer my own company as I'm now too set in my ways to even consider a relationship. It wouldn't be fair on anyone.

I was widowed 11 years ago. Never expected or wanted a new man in my life. Two years ago I met a man socially who had been widowed just 6 months. He was not looking for anyone else, in fact was suffering greatly from the loss of his wife. We got on well because we had lots in common and then met occasionally because we enjoyed each others company. Our friendship means a great deal to us, and over the last two years that friendship has grown and we have become very close. A totally natural progression about which we are both very happy. We don't know what will happen in the future. We both have families and live some distance from each other, but we have every intention of continuing our relationship.

I have a friend who was widowed about 12 years ago. Her husband was only in his 50s. She is 70 now and looks great, very slim with modern clothes, hairstyle etc. She would love to meet someone but says she wants someone who she finds attractive (fair enough) not a pot bellied old man. So far this person hasn't come along and I'm not sure that he will.

Yes I agree MOnica it's a shame the perception persists that the widow/widower are 'after' another partner. They could be such a support to each other.

Reading David's post, it made me think, (and it is no reflection on what David said) that there is an assumption that if an unattached woman, especially an older widowed woman, offers any act of friendship or assistance to a man her age, that she is 'after' the man.

My DF was immeasurably helped after he was widowed by the women of a social group my DM belonged to. Most of them happily married, a few widowed. He used to have lunch with one or other every week and drop around for coffee. Nobody who knew them, would ever have suggested that any of them were 'after' him. It was just the hand of support and inclusion within a close social group.

I think if an older woman offers meals and support to a man on his own, it should be interpreted as just that, an offer of company and a meal, by a woman on her own to someone else in that position. No-one makes any comment if she offers that hand of friendship to another woman.

If we are thinking of older Widows/Widowers as we age many of us get more grumpy and set in our ways so we are not attractive to to the opposite sex we also loose our sex drive, that aside there are far more Widows. Widowers are also in demand, a new widower will have no shortage of single ladies offering to " cook a meal for him" after a decent period of course, my father had plenty after mum died suddenly.
Last year I went on a group holiday and met a widow of 69, she was attractive, a lovely lady and lost ther husband 25 years before, so I asked her why she had not remarried. Her reply surprised me " My husband left me well provided for, I did not need a husband to support myself and daughter, there were several offers but I never met a man I wanted to live with."
I guess that sums it up both need to find a new partner you want to live with.

There are a lot more women than men in our age group. the men have a much better chance of meeting someone , than the women.

I used to work in an aged care home - one of the old men had half-a dozen "girlfriends" who'd go and spend time in his room. He was like a shiek with his harem !

I am a widower of a year but I know that that attitude still prevails.

I would not marry again as it would disinherit my DC. Perhaps this plays a part in the thinking of many women while men move on to a new family. Tragic but true.

I am not judging, just asking why. There seem to be so many women and men who seem to feel lost, if expected to operate solo.

You have only got look for the number who fall for love scams.

Perhaps I should have read through all the posts on this thread, finding myself as it were in the target demographic.
But I hate generalisations like these cliches, we are all different and it presupposes that men are incapable of living alone or looking after themselves, or indeed that those are the only factors which matter.
Just as some people choose not to be or to remain married, losing a life partner is not just about becoming half of a matrimonial unit.
I don’t believe anybody “frowns” on women moving on or forming new relationships nor indeed if they choose not to.
So no, it rings no bells for me!
I don’t want a man.
I would have liked to have Paw back again, but no, not just any man.

Such a good topic!
Personally, if husband died before me, I couldn't imagine anyone taking his place. I'm a very independent person.
But if I go first I think he might be tempted to take up with another kind lady. I've spoilt him.
His mother died young (55) and his father remarried quite soon after. Didn't last long btw.
Eldest son's MiL died a few years ago and the lady who cared for her in her last years now lives with him.
I don't blame him, men and women are different. imo.

Monica... all these women and men so desperate...... of course you are not judging are you!

Why are all these women and men so desperate to have another partner in their lives as soon as possible? I mean no disrespect to anyone and many people will find new happiness with new partners but, surely now a days, when no-one judges anybody by whether they have a partner or not, they should be capable of making a new life for themselves on their own terms and on their own feet.

I cannot imagine being widowed and feeling that I cannot cope without a man, almost any man, in my life.

I love DH dearly, and want him around as long as possible, but I am absolutely confident that I could live a full and fulfilling life without him - or anyone else.

I'm beginning to wonder why I read these posts. So many of you have such a jaundiced attitude to life! Surely there is no right or wrong way of moving on, when a partner dies. We are all different in character & experiences & need varying things to live contented lives. I would say that the pension situation is a good reason for couples to keep both properties & not bother with a wedding. After all it's only a piece of paper - it's how people feel about each other that is really important. Too controversial?!

From my own observations, men do move on very quickly and do not like being single. I’ve spoken to a couple of male friends who said that once they were widowed or divorced, in a very short period of time they had several women actively chasing them too !! As you all say, women live longer so there aren’t enough men about for those that want one !

Hilarious?? Dear me!!! Poor woman!

Unfortunately Grammaretto this is one of the sad things about Alzheimers.

My grandmother was also widowed very young with three children but told my mum she would never remarry as she had freedom she would never have had otherwise, this is a long time ago. My mum was married just on 50 years and after a while said she just enjoyed doing what she wanted when she wanted, however, they both had family nearby. A dear friend recently widowed says she will never remarry as she had 6 years of nursing her husband and couldn't chance finding herself in that situation again. Most widowers we know have found someone else eventually but not necessarily remarried.

I have an arrangement just like Hopefull - Living as a couple with no intention of getting married. What I have will go to my children. What he has will go to his.
One household saves us money, we share the cooking and cleaning, enjoy lots of activities together, holidays are much cheaper, one property can be rented to provide more income, we both now have a wider social circle etc.
It's a perfect solution.

Life is much more pleasant when you have someone to share it with.

My dad's widow met someone within weeks of the death of my father.
She was alot younger than him, only early 40s when he died, very lovely lady.
She had nursed him during his illness and he adored her.
I was shocked but not upset, it wasn't my business. She introduced me to her new man. He was nice guy too. The she slowly backed out of our lives. Really sad for my dd, she was her nanna after all.
No idea what happened after that. I hope they were happy.

Hopefull. What a wonderful arrangement, no strings? unique in this day and age.

After divorce and a subsequent 10year relationship, I explored internet dating for a very short spell.
Couldn't visualise sharing my life and home with any one of them!
One explained (or perhaps 'mansplained') that he was looking for a lady to fill the gap left by his late wife. She should be a good cook and he was happy to allow her to meet friends and go shopping on condition that she had dinner ready for him when he returned from the golf course!

I informed him
1. that I was no domestic goddess!
2. that I wouldn't be applying for the post.
He seemed surprised!!!
I plan to remain happily independent.