Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Yes it is Buffy one on his bonce and one on his chest.?

Where are all our customers??
I’ll have a pint of creme de menthe while I wait.

May I just have a cuppa, I'm off the drink! It's got me into too many sticky situations recently, like when I agreed to cover myself in treacle, (as the Admiral has a fetish about that.)
However, it didn't attract the Admiral, just a load of stinging insects!??? ??

Get ye to the Olde Café Marydoll
I don't pop in here very often but - a [cuppa]

I'm sticking to organic btw.

sorry

to much of the organic wotsit

marydolldon’t try pretending you’re in the family way again. I’m not falling for that twice. On the coffee indeed. You just made that up to impress George. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you having lots of Nespressos since Buffy tied him to the machine. He’s not really interested in you he just keeps jigging about because he’s got his chest wig caught in the extractor fan.

He he Jamila hoist by your own wotsit I think. Another one pretending to give up the booze. is more like you than I think ?

it's organic, so it is OK!

But we don’t serve organic wine in the Argy jamila. ?
lemon......you remember that bottle that the Admiral used to pee in the other day... you did throw it away didn’t you... that smelt pretty organic to me ??

What's become of this place? Tea? Organic?

You'll want flowers on the tables next and doilies

??☕️☕️ Cucumber sandwiches on the way meno ?

Yes please - cucumber sandwiches, no crusts thank you, Earl Grey tea with lemon in a bone china cup and saucer and tiny cakes on a proper bone china cake stand.

None of your rough stuff for me thanks.

Get out!
No doilies, china teacups , cucumber ( what’s that?) or fancy little cakes served ‘ere, thank you very much!
You will have a slice of Soop’s month old haggis and like it.
Or, pasties ( don’t ask what’s in them) crisps or peanuts, that as gastro as we get in The Argy.

In fact Jalima rough stuff is the name of the game here,
Know what I mean?

slinks off, head bowed.

unless you have a pint of rough cider I could swig instead

Tell you what.....come back in and have a pint of Old Dark
Goblin and I will heat up the pizza I bought last week which nobody seems to want ( anchovy and bloater) ??

Lovely!

No scrumpy though?

I wouldn't mind a pint of Old Dark Goblin and a slice of Haggis, thanks!
I've been on double shifts at the Sewage Works, covering for folk dropping like flies with flu.
So they say.....
A few have come back looking very happy and humming,
Y Viva Spania!
Mmmmmmm!

Thanks Lemon, I'm glad you understand the Argy standards, I was beginning to think they had slipped

Not while I am here Meno ?

No scrumpy at the moment Jal as Big Jim and Trev are gurding the barrels and tapping the pipes down in the cellar
( no, I have no idea either) sounds very Rambling Sid Rumpo to me.

I’m having a coffee with George at the moment ( wearing my best outfit) he is pleading for an hour off ( no chance, once you unchain him, he’ll be off to Heathrow.)

Gurding the barrels lemon. ? Surely not. Remind me not to have the scrumpy in future.
Wearing your best outfit! Do you really think George is impressed with you spandex pants and sequinned boob tube lemon (for the last time you are supposed to wear it over your boobs not under them ?)
By the way I can hear someone in very very high heels coming down the stairs .......ooh er I think it’s Mrs George looking for her husband ....... ?

Nope.....it’s tiny marydoll in her stilettos (6 inches high)
So that’s alright, phew!

George isn’t complaining Doodle ? ( he can’t, not with a donut in his mouth, I have been feeding him up.)

Off to have a drink with Thor now, laters! ??

Well I have just done my online shop, so popping in with a certain brand of "coffee pods" and have swiped a bottle of Mr.GG13's brandy to go with!!! ☕️☕️???

I do think it's my turn with George though, have put on my best undies just in case ????

Woss goin' on???

I have just awoken from a three day drunkenslumber on the ripped moquette banquette seating in the corner to people asking for tea? Am I in the Argy? Has Trevor transported me to the Ritz?

Nah, I see the regulars propping up the bar. The glare from the sequinned crop tops is blinding and a ferret has made a nest in my armpit hair. Some things never change. I need a stiff one before I go home.