Life Lessons

Good post, Nonnie. I've experienced something similar. No matter how kind, generous and positive one is, there will be people who try to put you down.

Oh yes Blinko and in my case I can't just drop the person from my life.

I think I’ve come to the realisation that people who are unpleasant; unkind; bullying; arrogant; superior - whatever you want to call it are, in reality, often hurt and/or frightened children inside. It helps me to maintain a feeling of detatchment and calm, as well as compassion and clear boundaries, if I have to be around them.

Find this decidedly interesting as I tend to be the instigator of various lunch meetings. After a mutually agreed gap over the festive season I decided to wait until those involved contacted me lest they think I'm too pushy. Eating out is a huge hobby of mine and I don't want to overdo the suggestions. Happily some of my cohorts have been on asking 'where are we going next?' I'm delighted and immediately get my diary out and then move to my list of new places to try. Hadn't realised how many of my dining companions absolutely dislike choosing the venue whereas I love doing so. Happy days.

Sara yes, I understand that such people are damaged but should they damage others? Is your past a reason to treat others badly? If that were the case my children would have had a really tough time. I learned from my bad experience and was determined to do better. I can have all the empathy under the sun and have forgiven but this behaviour is damaging me and others.

I’ve had a really, really bad year. I’ve learned that there’s no one there for you when you really need them.

Life lesson learnt? Survival is not enough.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, if they are unpleasant - maybe they are struggling with something/had a tough childhood or whatever. Well I had a really bad childhood, neglected, drunken, violent father etc but I hope I don't take it out on anyone else. In fact I hope it makes me more compassionate.

I'm still learning life's lessons at 58. We think we are experienced and on the right path, and then shit life happens and knocks us down. And I'm still struggling to get back up. My life lesson is that the lesson continues until we die, we are always learning. Wish I'd known that ten years ago .

My life lessons - listen to what that inner voice is telling you rather than trying to ignore it. Trust your own instincts. And it's ok to say no. Wish someone had told me that years ago.

If I were a close friend of yours GabriellaG54 I too would move far away and hopefully become a far far away ripple before you ‘discarded’ me for not being a constant gregarious joy in your sunny life.

There are times when friends are sour and pessimistic because life has dealt them a cruel blow. Those people don’t need you for sure. They need someone who is a ‘true’ friend.

Let’s hope you never become ill, fed up, therefore less gregarious and get tossed to the wayside by your ever changing circle of joyful (superficial) friends who do nothing but add to your life. Until you need them.

You reap what you sow.

[anja]

Over the years I have slowly changed my friends and social life by saying no and dropping people who I would call doom and gloom. Life has been a real struggle at times but I don't let it get me down and get on with it, I don't want people in my life who are full of doom.

Anja I'm sorry to hear that. I wonder if you perhaps haven't told everyone, perhaps someone would have been there for you if they had known? It is not always the people closest who are the most supportive as they may share your problems. Sometimes it is the ones you don't know so well who come up trumps when needed.

Thank you Nonnie

Yes, you ate right about those closest and those we don’t know as well. Strange creatures aren’t we? And as you know it’s complicated.

Thanks for the flowers. I’ve put them in a virtual vase where I can see them.

Anja call on the outsider if you need her.

I have learned that my happiness is no-one's responsibility but mine. I am the one who is best placed to decide what makes me happy and to ensure that's what I aim for - no, it doesn't always work out. There are factors over which we have no control. Do not hold other people responsible it is up to you to find what makes you happy. If you have to cut people from your life because their behaviour makes you miserable try to do it without causing misery.
And forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and make bad choices but take a look at them, pat yourself on the back for learning from them and then forgive yourself for making them....and move on.

mummsy bit harsh to all those cut out of their GC's lives through no fault of their own. How can they decide to be happy? What about those who have been raped, can they choose to be happy? So many times one has no choice.

I meet up about once monthly with a friend I have known for 30years ,, our last meeting and previous have all been about her,her family ,her aches and pains , she talked solidly for nearly two hours I listened, Not once did she ask how I was, I am thinking do I really want to meet up again with her, I came home feeling drained , my DH asked if I enjoyed my self , when I said , not really,, he asked why I keep going ,, I suppose I hope it might be better next time, but I don't think so,

I have a magnet on my fridge. "The more I know of people the more I love my dog" So true!

Sorry to hear that, Anja. Hope things are improving. If any of us can help even if just by sympathetic listening, we're here...

Nonnie, you have my sympathy. My source of grief at the mo is some family members acting like playground bullies. I'm trying to be the bigger person...

I'm about to celebrate 60 years to the day of meeting my best friend in June. Just want to say it can work and beautifully.l

Good luck Blinko. Hard isn't it?

The life lesson I have learned (and it only took a few decades!) is that I don’t have to feel responsible for everything and everyone - at work, with friends, in my family and in society. I used to have a ridiculously overdeveloped sense of responsibility In the last decade or so, I have learned the hard lesson that I can only be responsible for myself, and that others (adults at least) must take responsibility for themselves. I still try to be kind and helpful, some habits are too hard to break, but I will let go if it’s clear that nothing is changing