Life Lessons

I tend to expect people to be nice, kind & friendly. Usually they are but on the few occasions when someone has been a bit self - focussed and a taker not a giver I have felt foolish for not seeing that!
Fortunately I have a great gang of long established friends that DH & I socialise with and we can rely on each other in times of need.
Also I have, since moving 8 yrs ago, made friends with 1/2 dozen local women. We look out for each other, socialise, look after each others' pets for holidays, shop for each other if one is incapacitated etc etc..and have a good few belly laughs too!
In addition I have friends, old & new, that I mainly communicate with on line due to distance and we offer each other support & advice and a listening ear! I feel very blessed! My life lesson... ecpect the best of people.

Nonnie, I agree with every word you say.

I think my Life Lesson is, however hard you try, you will always be knocked back severely.
But you will always bounce back, whatever the trauma.
At least we have so far.

That, couple with never, ever having spare money used to bug me a LOT.
Now I'm thankful that I do at least have some good times in between and that I can pay rent and buy food.

At my age, I don't need the 'extras' although every now and again, I feel it might be nice to have a holiday, or eat out in a nice restaurant.

Nonnie - the only persons behaviour we can be responsible for is our own. We can give feedback to others if they have hurt us or otherwise impacted on our lives. We can speak out if we feel there has been something done which is morally or ethically wrong. We can (hopefully) be positive role models - including acknowledging and apologising when we have fouled up, which we all do as we’re human. But change other people or endorse damaging behaviour in others? No, that was not my intention.

I think GG is partly right but it's nice to have longstanding friends who are with you in the bad times and vice versa. But some people I haven't developed friendships with because I knew it wouldnt add to my life, in fact the opposite.
Good thread. I have learned a lot from it.

Anja, I hope you find support very soon.

In my case, I have been the one who was dropped from one day to the other 3 times in my life without ever knowing why. Two in my childhood which I still don’t understand. My best friend at the time age 6 and I spent every waking minute together but one day she passed my house without even looking over to say hello and we never played again. No explanation given and although I do see her occasionally when visiting parents she smiles and is pleasant but never explained. The same happened ten years ago when I was helping a colleague for years who went through divorce, financial difficulties and depression and it was always me who called, cheered her up and helped her in many practical ways. She subsequently moved and and did not ever call me (her phone numbers changed). I knew her sister and could have contacted her but I was so hurt, I grieved. Last year she contacted me and when after meeting her I asked why she had disappeard she said life got in the way and she could not remember. I may have tried too hard to help and now when I meet people I am fearful and wait for people to contact me. I am naturally one of those people who want to rescue the world but another life lesson for me is - we can’t. When I said “letting go” in my OP I meant letting go of people who clearly have moved away from us. Unfortunately I could not drop a friend.
My AC tell me I tend to make friends with people who have a lot of baggage or mental health issues and I should not take it personally. But do not all of us have a lot of baggage - that comes with age?
I have two beautiful longstanding friends and even though we have moved apart we always stay in contact and it feels as if we have never been apart when we meet. It is such a treasure.

nonnie Hi nonnie - perhaps I did not express myself sympathetically enough and I am only saying what has worked for me - not that it should work for others - and, as I said, it doesn't always work for me.
Btw I have experience of both of the examples you cited.

Mollyplop, I have a difficult relationship with one of my sons which hurts me a lot. He doesn't seem to give a damn about me. I have loved and supported him fully over the years but he evidently values his friends over me. I honestly don't think it's my fault but something in his character that is defective. There is no accounting for genes! Be kind to yourself, it ain't your fault.

My only sister stopped speaking to me 3 months ago. This followed a difficult discussion on the phone when I gently pointed out to her that she very rarely asked about my DH or kids. She largely talks about herself and her family. I was trying to improve things between us so our relationship could grow and deepen. Well it certainly didn't!! I have written since and phoned and spoke to her DH but she is refusing to have any contact with me. I feel so sad as our parents have died and she is all that I have left of my nuclear family. We have already lost a sibling. I hate fall outs of any sort and strive to put things right but I'm not sure I can in this case. She didn't even send us a Christmas card let alone presents. Not that I mind about presents but felt deeply saddened that she couldn't wish us a happy Christmas.

Anja

Anja, please confide in us if it helps. Sometimes writing things down helps.GNetters on the whole are a kind and sympathetic bunch.x

Anja my best wishes for 2019 and I hope people are kinder when you next need them. ?

And mumofmadboys it’s so upsetting isn’t it when adult siblings fall out? Sometimes our parents home is the hub and when they die (plus in your case very sadly, a sibling dies too) then everything shifts. 3 months (even through Christmas) isn’t long, though it’s raw and hurtful. I hope you and your sister make up soon. If she loves you she’ll be hurting too. Although she might be stubborn which doesn’t help (as my sister is/was). We sorted ourselves out in time. ??
Good luck.

Thanks for your comments Urmstongran. I live in hope. I don't feel I can do anything else at the moment but just wait. Unfortunately she can be quite stubborn.