Death Doula/Soul Midwife

Did you ever see the film My Girl - Jamie Lee Curtis played a beautician who worked in a funeral parlour, making the deceased look their very best.

I will make no comment on that.

I look shit alive

coffins are usually left open in funeral homes here as well Farmor15 so everybody who goes to the funeral can pay their respects right up until its closed for the crematorium or burial .It was packed house for my mother so I'm glad she looked how she wanted .

Oh my word with that name I d have a fit if you came to visit Death Doula summoned up a picture in my mind of a grim reaper Soul midwife sounds like some saccharin Americanism What about people who don’t believe in winged souls
Good luck sounds like valuable role, talking is always good at any time if life but maybe you can invent a better name after you ve done your training

Mycatisahacker
I just leaned my hand on my chin and thought oh shit, I need to find the tweezers NOW!

Soul Midwife

For goodness sake - if you are religious and believe in a soul and an after-life you'd want to see a priest surely, not some woman who calls herself a 'soul midwife'.

No thank you.

Oh and just want to say MacMillon were wonderful with me absolutely saved my sanity, they took me through every step as dad was my first major family member to die and I have no siblings they arrange all sort of home care both items needed and in the last week a night nurse to sit with dad two nights a week while I got some rest ( well sort of rest) I can’t fault them at all It’s a shame it cpvaries so from town to town

I just looked it up and it looks rather like a cult religion.

I used to work as a hospice nurse. I didn't meet any death doulas until recently (I'm currently teaching a palliative care course and one came as a guest speaker) but I'm not opposed to the idea.

It is true that nurses provide a lot of the care of dying people. But I don't really see it as different from a birth doula. Not to mention that unless you hire a private nurse, your nurse won't be able to spend time with you 24/7. As a nurse, I wouldn't be offended if someone hired a death doula to provide support. To me it would be no different than a family member staying with the patient.

It's the name 'doula' that puts me off. They help women in childbirth too.
Always reminds me of the word douleur - suffering, pain, grief.
In english dolorous.

Lying in bed in a hospice and you are asked ‘would you like to talk to a Death Doula ? ‘

It is an ugly word, I think.
I can't imagine anyone being pleased when the doula pops by to say hello.

It would be like seeing the angel of death.

It's not someone I would want to see.

But I don't really see it as different from a birth doula.
they are fashionable too.

Would one have been any use when I had to give birth on my own or would she have yelled for the midwife? That could have been helpful.

Got to say tweezers apart i would t fancy a doula at my kids births or my death.

You want to get in with childbirth but not so much death.

Ffs the angel of death. You know it’s curtains then! Wel that and your dd plucking your chin hair.

On the other hand at least you would know where you stand !!! So many people complaining about not knowing what is going on etc. for the non-catholics among us at least it would be a sign that this is it - and hopefully a kindly one not throwing incandations and incense about but perhaps gentle soothing words - I quite like the sound of this rather than argumentative family - am I being unreasonable?

I suppose so - but would families argue around a death bed?

"Oh, here she comes!
I must be on my way out then"

Well I would imagine that getting a doula costs, so they're unlikely to turn up out of the blue.
I quite expected to start getting ads on here now we've broached the subject.

Well, I wrote a long response to this yesterday evening, but as it's not here it must have got lost in posting.

The job I do is that of a Death Doula, but my actual title is Chaplain. I am very experienced in end of life care and offer support not only to the dying person, but their family, friends and any staff who care for them; after death has occurred I'm sometimes asked to take the funeral service too.

I'm a trained and qualified counsellor, which helps me to remain both compassionate and objective when I'm with the dying person and their families etc. I'm comfortable with talking about death and grief, I'm also comfortable with physical touch (many people like to have a hand held or hair stroked towards the end) and I understand the physical changes that often accompany the end of life experience. I am at peace with the process of dying.

I do occasionally go home and bawl my eyes out, but that's because I'm not actually an automaton - and because I can't do that in front of the family as I need to be present to help them through their grief, not process my own.

Sometimes (often in fact) there is unexpected humour. Yesterday I had a conversation, in a cafe, with a woman who wanted to discuss the arrangements for her own and her brother's deaths. We were deep in conversation about coffins when the waitress came over, and overhearing, she dropped our coffees on the table and skittered off like a scalded cat.

Hello GA so glad that you are "here" so to speak!

It was you that I obliquely referred to back along!

I was fortunate to have several visits with my boss after he was moved to the hospice, and had also visited him while he was in the hospital.

The difference between the two was incredible.

grannyactivist I think many people are uneasy around imminent death.Its strange that death is one subject may shy away from when its something we will all have to face ..either with losing loved ones or facing our own death.I had the advantage of a family who were and are very open about it,my 9 year old GD will tell you people die and it happens to everyone .She visited her great aunt on her death bed and was absolutely fine about it, a bit sad that Maggie wouldn't be around but happy that she wouldn't be in pain.It helps I think that he rother GP's run care homes and she visits the people there and is loved by all.When theres a death ,and its quite regular ,she is very philosophical about it.I'm very proud of her .So many adults dont want to face the fact or be there at the end of a life .

Oh and can I say again I DIDN'T PLUCK HER HAIRS ,I removed them gently as requested .You;d think I assaulted her by the remarks .

I'm astounded to read that Death Doulas charge money.

Here, it is done as an act of love, usually by a family member or close friend.

A comprehensive knowledge of the culture of the dying person is essential so people from outside that culture cannot, with the best will in the world, fulfil this role.

I guess that a death doula, like a birth doula, would charge money because he\she would be there, 24/7, providing a service . They can't be expected to do it for nothing.

Not everyone has family / friends who can or will do this. It's not for everyone.

When my dear friend was in palliative care in her last days, I used to go every morning and massage her feet ( the only part of her that didn't hurt when you touched it ) and I'd paint her toenails and chat to her about this and that. Her daughter said " I don't know how you can do that ! I couldn't touch her feet , erk ! " So yes , family are not always enthusiastic "death attendants".

Fennel 'Doula' is Greek.