School making parents feel guilty

I think they are just looking for some support in what they are doing, as well as letting you know what is going on within school. If you (or parents) can't make it - then you can't make it.

Teachers need to get on with teaching not permanently organising events. It's all nonsense. Always wanting parents to participate in this and that..... most people are too busy working and then feel guilty if they can't get to the school.

Talking of making parents feel guilty, apparently (from a parent friend ....) our local Primary School requested £20 off each parent in the school in order to buy Christmas presents for the teachers .....!!

Our friend works part-time, is a single mother and claims no benefits - so refused and said she would sort her own little gift out - terrible though to be put under that sort of pressure! I know they get too many soaps and chocolate etc but £20 per parent - or is it even per child? There are approximately 200 pupils @ £20 a head split between 9 teachers and one head .... so if only the teachers get it would be £400 a head pressie for Christmas - when I was in the world of work we weren't allowed to receive anything over the value of £10 or it had to be registered .... even if they included all the dinner ladies, teaching assistants, cleaners and volunteers (who I do know got nothing!) it would still be a pretty hefty sum, which I personally think is disgusting!

These 'events ' for parents and family are well-intentioned, an attempt to break down the supposed barriers between home and school, and explain developments in modern educational methods, but I do believe they have got out of hand. Many parents work full time during the school day and cannot attend; (as a teacher this affected me) and fewer events are held out of school time, ie in the evenings, because parents and staff are reluctant to come out again and there is the problem of babysitters. Before I retired there was some type of event nearly every week, and yes, they did disrupt the timetable, the curriculum and the children's attitude to work. World Book Day today, Red nose day next week, Mother's Day, Easter; four big events in this half term without any additional school events. I feel sorry for parents and teachers alike, and I am not sure that the children's learning is enriched by all these additional 'experiences'. Plus the cost!

Say no to some or all of them. They're invitations, not orders. There's no need for someone to go to everything and, well, it's really the parents place to go - if they can't or won't then its not fair of THEM to out pressure on other family members.
I never expected anyone to go in my place, if I couldn't go then I explained to my child and he just needed to accept it, and he was never the only one without someone there. The staff would make sure that they felt included - maybe give them little jobs to do.

I would say that teachers understand perfectly if parents (or grandparents) can’t turn up for these events. Some of them also have children, so obviously they wouldn’t be able to attend anything organised for their children while they’re working.

I think the only events I haven’t been to is parents evening. In 6 years over two grandkids I’ve been to Teddybears picnics.....school lunches .... sports events... nature walks.... picnic-in-the-Park .... carol concerts....school concerts....prize givings.Also looked after both pre-school and after school duties . Cook meals for them and generally keep things going until first parent gets in from their jobs ( schools). It’s been thoroughly exhausting at times ...it’s been annoying at times. Just how many times can you listen to badly rehearsed little ones screaming out a carol? Both grandchildren are almost made by schools to expect a relative to attend these things. I think schools ought to limit these e ents to Christmas concerts and sports days. Don’t remember my parents ever coming into any school us 4 kids were in...except parents evenings. But necessary as parents are so extraordinarily busy these days, and the kids have so many out-of-school activities to attend .

It all sounds a bit OTT to me. My daughter works from home so she can usually get to daytime events, which are all documented in a letter home and online each term. I have never been asked to stand in for her, though I do try to go to special events like Nativity or school play, which are usually performed twice.

From a retired primary school teacher. I think this may be more about fostering home school links which Ofsted are very keen on. I can totally see where parents and grandparents are coming from as we too are caught up in this round of assemblies and learning days. I always felt sorry for the children who never had anybody there.

How lovely schools want to involve families as much as possible but, if parents carry on working after having children, then it has to be accepted they will miss things or they will have to use holiday leave to attend term time events. This, and financial matters, are all things to consider surely before committing to having children so it's no good moaning about the unfairness of it all afterwards. Businesses are not there to give their staff time off for nothing.

As far as phonics are concerned, in my experience the majority of families teach individual letter sounds to their children incorrectly e.g. 'mu' instead of 'mmm', so lessons in phonics, amongst other things, should be compulsory for parents, in my opinion!

Don’t feel you have to do all of them, I am sure the school would understand.
We would go to our DGD Assembly when they were doing a ‘showing’ such as a small play, a song etc.
We didn’t have to go to everything we had an after school fund raising and I made cakes for the afternoon.
I was a TA in a school for 30 years very few parents would come.
It was unheard in my children’s day,,we had end of term meetings with teacher and Christmas play and that was it.

My eldest daughters youngest(in reception but now 5) seems to have something all the time( world book day today)& my daughter mentioned theyre going in for that- but she said theres days or collections or want things taking in for this or that.plus shes started rainbows( like brownies but younger) & she regularly goes swimming lessons etc.plus all the parties shes been popular enough to be invited to- my poor daughter hardly has time to draw breath! Now theres a show or something on tonight with costumes required at very short notice! I am grateful im not roped in to all of these and my own youngest child is leaving high school soon.But there will be college evenings too.....

No pleasing some people

School don't invite parents etc to share events and we get moans ....
Invite them in to everything and we still get moans

Damned we are right damned we are wrong ....

Dont think schools have caught up with the fact that both parents need to go out to work. Grandparents having to work much longer too.

And in 'our day'(im only 55)we didnt need 'phonics' and having each letter or sylable sounded out does not help some kids to learn- i taught most of my children to read (ive had 7 as i remarried)but when middle son started at age 4 they 'untaught' his very good reading ability& made him start again!Phonics indeed! (Is that more stuff weve had to copy from USA?)Theres nothing wrong with straight-talking 'old style' reading& writing- i was a good reader myself when i started school age 5- and im still an avid reader-And yes schools do expect too much of parents these days- but they havent considered how children will feel if 'their' parent/ grandparent simply cannot be there.

No quizqueen- we dont all need lessons in how to pronounce sounds-compulsory or otherwise- it seems a bit patronising to say so...

Well thats what we are saying isnt it? That theres too much 'extra' stuff going on for any time for real teaching of things? And too much of the 'extra' is heaped on parents( costume making, phonics learning etc- it used to be a teachers job to teach three R's etc plus computers once they came in,and they'd help knock up some costumes for the 'once a year' nativity- that was it- plus nature & things- till high school.Now theyve so much extra stuff going on how on earth do teachers manage? Its no wonder the parents/ grandparents are brought in for back up

And in 'our day'(im only 55)we didnt need 'phonics' and having each letter or sylable sounded out does not help some kids to learn
I do remember phonics being taught at DD's friend's school 40+ years ago Nannan2 - luckily DD didn't have to suffer it. It was a very weird system in those days.

As far as phonics are concerned, in my experience the majority of families teach individual letter sounds to their children incorrectly e.g. 'mu' instead of 'mmm', so lessons in phonics, amongst other things, should be compulsory for parents, in my opinion!
Well, yes, the oldies in our family all had to be taught the phonic alphabet - my DGD insisted on teaching me! Grandad wasn't listening properly and he still gets it all wrong.

It was always pronounced 'em' in my young days.

My daughters school have an app where they uoad photos and reports of what the class has done. It's great as it meant while I was at work, I still felt involved and could talk to her about school things.

Phonics have always been taught in schools alongside ‘look and say’. I’m a good deal older than you nannan2 and I was taught both methods.

I’m somewhat shocked that someone not much older than my daughter harbours such old-fashioned ideas about teaching. We were also taught correct punctuation ?

It was a very weird system in those days.
The type of phonics that the DGC have been taught is quite different to the very strange system that DD's friend learnt all those years ago, Anja - it was written differently too - it looked rather Greek!

I'm inclined to agree with okimherenow Just because schools extend an invitation, it doesn't mean every event has to be attended. We have to take responsibility for managing our children's expectations. As a child, my parents rarely made any attempt to attend anything. As a parent myself I did the best I could, both when I was a full time Mum and later when I worked full time. Now I'm a hands on Granny, I love the contact with our local primary school and enjoy standing in for Mum and Dad if they are working. Forging good Home/School links is such an important part of making sure our children get the very best from their education.

I'm at the lower end a nursery nurse and can see parents juggling jobs and timetables I wouldn't be a parent now for anything! And definable wouldn't be working in a school with all the pressures. Yes and my sons have to juggle work and parents nights days as well with added pressure of costs for outings etc.

Just to reiterate.
I am more than happy to go to the school phonics morning.
I found it very enjoyable experience to share the time with my little grandson and was able to pass on the information to my DD.
I will also go when it is my other little grandsons (2) turn in reception class this September (we are the only grandparents living nearby).

But what about my other little grandson (3) who is also starting reception this coming September who because of distance I can not be there for?

His parents work and has unfortunately no other grandparents.

I feel for the parents like DD. who have to work but are sadly feeling guilty for being able to attend the school numerous day time functions.
I feel sorry when I see children who have no one attending
My DGS (3) will probably in this position.

For my part I enjoy going to the school events and will enjoy the up and coming Tea party put on by the children.
But it these almost weekly events that are the issue for parents and would be better kept until the end of each term.

I do have to make time to go and on occasion cancel my own interests etc because I feel my grandson would be upset if someone was not there for him.
Some of children in my DGS class do gave a parent attending but it is generally a grandparent.
There are sadly children who consistently do not have either a parent and grandparent able to attend.

I also do some school and nursery pick ups so several extra miles back fore.