Not saying ‘no’ to children.

Oh yes Witzend! One of my pet hates as well!

Ixwas in Gregg today and a mother was allowing her twins to run amoke they were taking sandwhich of the shelfcopening them she just put them back taking stickers of the food she just put them on and when they picked up the two gingerbread men and decided they wanted them after just putting fingers in the cream cakes again said nothing .Than just said i will just get you the gingerbread men than.Than they was panicked in the shop because she couldn't find one and he was hiding behind the pushchair.Why they werent in it in the first place.I hate to think what they will be like when they start school as not once did she correct them

My children knew the look on my face meant 'No'. In fact if I caught sight of that face in a mirror I frightened myself!!

We stayed in a “luxury mobile home” with our 2 daughters and DD2s friend. The two younger girls were 13. They met up with a group about the same age and wanted to stay out with them until midnight. Rightly or wrongly the answer was a definite NO. The friend then actually suggested that DD2 should keep asking until I gave in. Both daughters immediately said “we won’t be allowed to go at all then”. Strangely enough none of the other young teens were allowed to stay out until midnight either!

Sussexborn good story.
From my experience, both with my own family, and in my work with teenagers, younger teens appreciate set limits, after an initial battle of wills.
Older teenagers are another story. .

Juliet27 Oh yes, I remember that look on my mother's face. She didn't have to say a word. We knew what it meant.

My ten year old granddaughter has ‘the look’ down to a fine art, it is frequently used on her younger siblings!

I'm in the 'today we are .....' camp. When teaching, the day often started with either verbal, or blackboard/whiteboard instructions, plans etc. If I had the means, I would develop a commercial product which would start this pattern from early stages. It would consist of a range of attractive, relevant pictures, amongst other pictorial, or actual, props which would demonstrate 'today we are . . . '. The attributes could be related to clothing, activities, places to go, food etc. My idea would be that the 'board' would be discussed at the start of the day, so that the child is aware of what is going to take place. This would obviously be in very simple terms at the early stage, moving on with age. As children grow older, they could be involved in the planning. Parents could add their own drawings and ideas. With my rosy spectacles on, my hope would be that daily planning in the home would be just part of the routine, and could help the day to go more smoothly, perhaps avoid conflict and make the transition to school easier. In my dreams!!

With my children we had a no day about every two weeks , it didn't effect them in any way . Most of the stuff they asked for they really didn't want . They would say can i have , then say it's a no day and they just carry on

Try YouTube and tap in "Tantrums but no tears!"

It's unbelievable.

BusterTank
I like your idea of a No day

Mcem I agree with you. Saying no gently and carrying through consistently. Many people feel bad when kids cry after hearing no. But a quick distraction after a gentle no usually works.

The other day when my 3 granddaughters were here, my husband asked the middle one (rising 6) if she’d put the cutlery away. “No” was the reply followed by “But thank you for the offer”!

I am disappointed that so many people have read my original post as meaning never say no to your children, and always give them what they ask for.

I have always found that if people react strongly to a post I have made in a way I did not expect....its usually my fault for not expressing myself more clearly.

Daddima what if the child who asks for a biscuit will not be allowed one after dinner? My children knew if I said later then whatever it was would be honoured later. If I said next week, then next week it would be. And if I said no, then no it was, and they never even tried "broken record"

Daddima I understood your originaal post and replied as below.

^ 'no' is just one of many words we use to children in hundred's of different situations among hundredsof different words. If 'no' is the only or main word used by a parent there is a problem well beyond the use of the word.^

Of course I did then add a para about parents who always say 'yes', which is, as you say, not what you were talking about.