How to deal with sulking touchy DH

Divorced my sulky ex. It is a horrible thing, rather have a good row and get it over with.

Love Doo Wa Diddy Dum dum... the song that is...

I and my children are terrible gigglers if something goes wrong ( like the collapsing mantlepiece mentioned above) which tends to diffuse a situation. DP just gets really angry and goes into a sulk. He cannot laugh at himself and woe betide anybody who.laughs at him though he is quick to take the micky out of others. The odd thing is that if we talk about the incident months later he will laugh.
He can also sulk for days over some minor offence of mine but I just ignore him now and do my own thing . Life is too short to pander to his moods !

I had one of those. Could go for weeks without speaking to me. At the time our four children were very young but he would communicate through them. So, five children in reality. Completely did my head in. Here we are some forty five years later and on the rare occasion that we should meet at the home of one of our children (three live over seas) he will walk out of a room if I walk in. So, still a child - he is seventy eight.

I am afraid you have o carry out your threat to leave. Tell him.. "You are not alone and you are bringing me down. If you are nor prepared to do something about it I am leaving". Arrange with a friend for to stay with her for 3 days and carry out your threat. This will force him to talk or change. You get one life and you should not put up with being ignored.

I should add that I divorced him.

I ended a relationship of over 6 years partly because he was an olympic sulker! I soon found the worst things to say when he was in one of his sulks were "what's wrong" or "have I said something to upset you?" I think sulking is a form of control. They only do it to get a response and having to walk on eggshells around them is a form of response which affirms their behaviour and so the cycle continues.
The best way to deal with it is to get out of the house for at least a couple of hours (longer if possible) and leave him without an audience. Don't tell him you are going, just get in the car (or on the bus, or walk etc.) and go. If he asks where you were on your return, be honest and tell him you just had to get away from him and his sulking and that is what you will be doing in future every time he reverts to the behaviour of a 2 year old.
Nobody should have to walk on eggshells in a relationship!

Yes, if you want a job done and he won't start it, well start doing it your self believe me it works. /When my OH goes into a a sulk or gets angry I just hold up my hand and say OK get on with it and walk away. I might then well go out and do my own thing and not even bother doing food for him. I try him as though he isn't there. It does work and good luck..

My husband is wonderful, most of the time but he does have major sulks from time to time which drive me crazy. He can't stand criticism and is always right! It's always because I've done something he doesn't like, but, more often than not, I don't know what I'm supposed to have done! Sometimes these sulks can last a week! I just ignore it and carry on as normal,but I do feel like blowing up sometimes! Once, I got so fed-up with monosyllabic answers that I did blow up and went out in the car without telling him where I was going. I only went to the local garden centre complex, but I stayed there quite a long time and he was so worried he rang me and I came back without telling him where I'd been. It did seem to do the trick and he stopped sulking - until the next time! why do men have these juvenile sulking sessions?

It should not be forgotten that problems can be brought into a home environment via external matters.

If this is a recent thing and he is still working, then it can be problems with that employment that is causing him stress and hence the change in behaviour. Likewise, and has been already stated, retirement can cause many in both sexes to feel a sense of loss or a feeling of no longer being needed.

It should also be remembered that personal relationships are a two-way thing, and on this forum, we only ever hear one side of any personal matter.

In that, many of the responses in this thread contain suggestions that would escalate the situation, when surely all should be looking at how the matter can be resolved amicably so as these two people can continue to live together in each others company.

My Mum once hit my Dad because he wouldn't stop sulking. It worked!

He once left her in the London flat and drove down to their south coast house (sorry, they sound rich but weren't) without a word of farewell or explanation. Mum was frantic. If he wanted time on his own he had only to say!

I had a boyfriend many years ago who was a terrible sulker. Being young and without much confidence I would beg him to tell me what I’d done wrong, and he would say if you don’t know I’m not going to tell you. I soon got wise and dumped him and I still remember the feeling of relief that I didn’t have to cope with it any more.

I’m not necessarily saying you should leave him, but if talking to him about it doesn’t work, I would go and stay elsewhere for a few days until he is ready to talk about it. Don’t waste your life living like this. Just do it!

Life is too short and we are only here once, so why do you have to put up with this misery. Try and sit him down and have a chat and point out that you are not prepared to tolerate this situation any longer. I put up with a sulking wife beater for 20 years and I walked out of the door with all of my stuff and started again. If I can do it then so can you. Take care and feel free to pm me at any time.

My ex DH was a sulker, which I ignored until I divorced him (other issues), but our daughter started to follow the same path. I resorted to taking a photo of the sulky face every now and then and showed her the results, she didn't like what she saw!!! So much easier now with cameras on our phones.

My husbands father was a sulker, he would talk to his wife through the children. My husband showed no signs of this behaviour until we were actually married. At the first sulk, I told him that I would not tolerate that behaviour, you have a problem, then talk to me and it worked, he has never sulked since. Don’t put up with that behaviour, work out a system that will work for the two of you even if you have to sit him down and talk at him. You need to express your disgust at his childish and controlling behaviour.

Lol OP, of course our DHs have faults, and so do we all. If I wanted Mr Perfect I'd have to be Mrs Perfect and I think that would really be too much struggle!

Imm6 Oh how I empathise with you. It’s not so much the sulking but the treading on eggshells here.I suppose if I didn’t tread so carefully there would be more sulks, as disagreeing causes problems. It’s my own fault though- should have left years ago.

This is 'passive aggression' Imm6. Google it - it makes fascinating reading. The best response is as other posters have suggested - ignore him, whilst remaining as normal as you can and not huffy yourself. I work with children with challenging behaviour, and when you first put a new strategy in place the behaviour tends to worsen first (it has always worked before, why not now? Let's step it up) before it improves. It is the same with adults who are using childish means to demonstrate their displeasure with a situation. Sulking is childish.

Phoebe's, Quote [why do men have these juvenile sulking sessions?] End Quote.

Well, that can be stated in regard to Women also.

Although, on this forum we seem to have some women who are perfect in every aspect of their lives, judging from their posts.

Sulking is a type of bullying and bullies thrive on it working but quickly stop if it has no effect.

You could try laughing and teasing him that he is behaving like a spoiled child. Just give his fish fingers or other child's food until he snaps out of it. Make it into a joke.

Alternatively or if that doesn’t work, every time it happens treat yourself to some luxury and flaunt it (assuming you have joint accounts). Tell him it is compensation for living with a grumpy old man!

Have you tried just having a good shout at him? My dear one will let himself get into misery mode and just twice in our 50 years together I have completely lost it! Brought him up short and I felt so much better for really letting go. No one has the right to make you miserable and shouting about it made my dear one realise my side of things.

My step father was a bit of a sulker, he would not speak and mum used to run round in circles after him trying to put right what ever the wrong was .One day she had had enough of the silent treatment. She started opening cupboard doors, drawers and lifting cushions on the sofa and armchairs. He could not contain himself and asked what are you looking for? she replied oh thanks you've found it, your voice!!!!

There are some great suggestions here. I am amazed at how many "sulkers" there are out there. Thing is, I'm not one so it's difficult to understand. DH will say he is "hurting" - seems daft to me. But, as someone said, who among us is perfect? I know I'm far from it. Can't actually face leaving - certainly not at the moment as there is a lot of family stuff going on - though sometimes a life on my own does seem very tempting. Think I may have made it sound worse than it is but I absolutely hate a bad atmosphere. Going on holiday shortly so I am going to broach the subject and hopefully get somewhere with it. Ignoring it seems to work. The main thing though is that this kind of behaviour does "kill" love doesn't it. And it never comes back quite the same because you're always waiting for the next time.

1mm6 - remember, when a man says he'll do something, he'll do it. He doesn't need reminding every six months...
so I'm told

Grandad1943 - 'Although, on this forum we seem to have some women who are perfect in every aspect of their lives, judging from their posts.'

No, no, you've got that just a tiny bit wrong. Like Mary Poppins said, it's Practically perfect in every way!