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In total panic

(192 Posts)
Anniebach Wed 03-Jul-19 08:57:22

Had awful shock Monday , this is not connected to My agoraphobia .

I moved to this bungalow two and half years ago. Very quiet
Cul de Sac. Only know the gentleman next door but one to speak to on telephone.

There is a woman living next door, never seen her, have often seen police and ambulance there and carers. I was advised to have no contact with the woman .

Monday afternoon a woman knocked my door, asked me If
I was alright my next door neighbour was worried about me, I was baffled and said there must be a mistake I was fine.
Then the woman came to the door, said I saw an ambulance here.

Last Thursday my spine locked, I couldn’t move, surgery sent ambulance, very embarrassing, two paramedics got me mobile. Having x ray today

Anyway this woman started talking about my daughter who died, said they were best friends, my daughter phoned her the night she died and was going to the woman’s house but went to the bridge instead, and said my son in law had been brutal to my daughter. I was shaking.

My daughter didn’t know her , certaintly didn’t phone her. I have my daughter’s mobile.

I have been told she has a drug problem and she played hell
with the people who use to live in my bungalow, disturbing
them at night, the woman said she would look after me !

No one in the Cul de Sac has anything to do with her, she never goes out.

I don’t lock my front door, always left it unlocked for my daughter. I know you will tell me t lock the door, I cannot

This all sounds hysterical but I am afraid of her .

GrannyGravy13 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:06:21

Oh Anniebach you do not need this woman anywhere near you.

Some people can be so cruel, I can only guess that she has been researching on the internet about your daughter.

Is it worth speaking to your local police and tell them that you feel frightened and intimidated by her?

Pantglas1 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:10:33

Please lock the door Anniebach and you will BE safer - it’s your castle and you need to pull up the drawbridge against any marauders. And that is how you must look at this situation- she may or may not be dangerous but if that’s how you feel, then do whatever you can to feel secure in your own home. flowers

GabriellaG54 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:10:56

Oh dear...that's a worry Anniebach.
I think the best you can do is to ignore her and, if she comes knocking again, ask her to stop, that you have no knowledge of what she's talking about and don't wish to have any further conversation.
As for your door, whatever advice people offer about locking it, you're not going to take so that's a non starter but it will invalidate your insurance.
I hope you re-think the safety aspect.

GabriellaG54 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:13:51

Dyffed Powys Police haven't the manpower to reassure people.
It won't be seen as intimidation.

GabriellaG54 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:15:10

Dyffed Dyfed

MawBroonsback Wed 03-Jul-19 09:20:25

Please consider a key safe Anniebach then you can lock your door with an easy heart. Would it also be worth an intercom system for callers to say who they are?
I appreciate the police may not have the manpower to do a lot but this woman is harassing you and it needs to be reported. Perhaps someone in your family could even get a solicitor to do whatever it is they do to restrain her behaviour.

Luckygirl Wed 03-Jul-19 09:23:52

Oh good grief annie - as if you needed this crazy person on top of everything else. I am so sorry to hear this.

Do you have a lifeline system in your home? The local council can set this up for you if you give them ring. flowers

Anniebach Wed 03-Jul-19 09:23:55

I told her I was fine and didn’t need help. She said ‘I will
check you are , I will look in your window to check on you.

I know I am being stupid

Sara65 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:32:29

You are not being stupid! This is very scary and unnerving , as others have said, please lock your door.

Gonegirl Wed 03-Jul-19 09:34:58

Have you got a chain on your front door? If she does come again, open the door with the chain on, smile politely and tell her you are busy. Then shut the door.

Put some net up at your front window?

Coolgran65 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:35:34

You are not being stupid, you feel intimidated. Definitely make a report to the police and have it on record. They could have a word with her to stay off your property. Intercom sounds like a good ides. Can you tilt your blinds so she cannot see in.

What about a security camera. Perhaps Age Concern could help you.

I know you shouldn't need to do greetings but you might feel safer. Also the woman might fetched up if she has no response.

Whitewavemark2 Wed 03-Jul-19 09:57:59

Tackle this as a problem that needs resolving, and nothing more. Do not allow her to affect your day to day life.

There are some good ideas on here and one is contact with your local policeman. Ring them and ask for advice. Undoubtedly if she is drug user she will be familiar to them.

Chain on your door and uptilted blinds and you have done what you can.

But don’t give her an inch. Make it more than clear if she does it again, frankly to the point if being rude.

Grannybags Wed 03-Jul-19 10:00:30

You are not being stupid Annie

Whitewave has just said everything I was about to.


gillybob Wed 03-Jul-19 10:10:46

Oh Annie you do not need this !

You need to speak to the relevant authorities about this . Okay so the woman has not directly threatened you but she is making you feel threatened . I think you should seriously consider a Key Safe, as suggested by Maw up thread, which will enable you to lock the door but give the code to the people you want to have access including perhaps your GP surgery etc. Also perhaps consider having blinds fitted that you can tilt to enable you to see out but no one will be able to see in .

Being pestered by this crazy woman is the last thing you need Annie x

suziewoozie Wed 03-Jul-19 10:27:39

Would involving the police perhaps escalate matters in a negative way? It sounds as though this neighbour has problems of her own and whilst she’s upset you , she hasn’t threatened you really has she in a way that is illegal. Try and feel some sympathy for her to put her behaviour in perspective and not ramp it up - easier said than done I know. I agree with the ideas of a key safe and also perhaps a peep hole/ door chain in the door so you can see who is knocking before you answer. I don’t think it’s kind to call her a crazy woman - she’s apparently unwell and her behaviour seems strange but calling her crazy only makes her seem more scary than she almost certainly is. You say you’ve lived there two and a half years- how many times has she knocked at your door in that time? I don’t want to sound unsympathetic but sometimes putting matters into perspective is better advice.

GabriellaG54 Wed 03-Jul-19 10:32:54

If you've lived there for 2.5 years and she's only just called on you twice recently (in a matter of days?) then I really can't see that as harassment.
Have you proof that she's a user of drugs or is that just local tittle tattle?
You say you've 'been told' that she pestered the previous owners at all hours but she has certainly kept away from you for the last 2.5 years.
You can buy cheap roller blinds (textured, white) which allow you to see out and allow plenty of light in but no-one can see in.
Look online.
If you don't lock your door and she tries the handle...whose fault is that?

Willow500 Wed 03-Jul-19 10:38:23

Annie how frightening for you - this woman sounds to have a lot of problems and you need to stay clear of her. I know you won't lock your door but you do need to feel safe in your own home (as well as actually being safe). A strong safety chain is a must - could your SIL who isn't fit one for you? There is another latch which you can get which allows you to have the door/window open but it is safely locked. Definitely contact the local police to make them aware of the situation and don't answer the door to her any more - are you able to see who is there without going to the door? Do you have blinds or nets - if not can you get some online and have someone fit them for you.

Anniebach Wed 03-Jul-19 11:02:23

I don’t do tittle tattle and I said she called once Gabriella.

If she opens my front door it is her fault not mine .

Auntieflo Wed 03-Jul-19 11:02:26

Oh Annie, just seen this and know that you must be so upset by this woman’s actions. There has been very good advice given, re chain and/ or nets. Do you have a PCSO in your area, that could pop in and talk to you?
I hope you get it sorted quickly, but we are here to ‘talk’ to.

Anniebach Wed 03-Jul-19 11:06:24

She shouldn’t have used my elder daughter as an excuse to
talk to me, I don’t want her to tell me again how many died on that bridge

I talk about my daughter here if I need to.

Oldwoman70 Wed 03-Jul-19 11:20:59

I can understand your feeling fearful. Is there a reason you don't lock your door? If it is so ambulance can gain access is it possible you could leave a key with your other neighbour or as previously suggested get a key safe.

If she calls again, don't open the door - perhaps just speak to her from an open window. Don't engage in conversation with her - if she tries to bring up your daughter, say you don't want to talk about it and close the window.

gillybob Wed 03-Jul-19 11:21:24

Another thought Annie might it be possible that this woman is desperately lonely and saw talking about your DD as a way to break the ice ? I know it was a clumsy way of doing it but just wondering ?

sodapop Wed 03-Jul-19 11:22:46

I'm so sorry you have been upset by this woman Anniebach . Lots of good advice on here especially a chain for the door and nets or blinds for the windows.
Don't allow this to take over though, you need to get on with your life and ignore this woman who is clearly seeking attention. Be strong.

annsixty Wed 03-Jul-19 11:23:16

You don't need this Annie
Tell your younger D and she will arrange for keysafe, Carecall etc
Keep your door locked at all times.
Good luck.