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Problem between friends

(55 Posts)
suziewoozie Tue 09-Jul-19 21:18:42

I’ve got caught up in a row between two sets of friends and I’d appreciate some advice as to how best to advise them. One set of friends let’s call them A , have a young child who, to be honest, is rather spoilt. He’s used to getting his own way and does rather tend to throw his toys out of his pushchair when he’s thwarted. It’s not helped by the fact that he eats a lot of junk food and is allowed to stay up late playing on his iPad. One of our other friends, let’s call them B, has been staying with them. Anyway, a couple of days ago, the youngster overheard B being quite blunt and critical about him and his behaviour. He is now throwing regular tantrums, being incredibly rude to B ( and has said horrible things about B’s mother) and has told his mother to send the ‘nasty stupid man’ home. He refuses to talk to him and just shouts rude words at him. What makes it worse is that only a month ago, the youngster had a wonderful holiday with family B who really gave him a great time. One might say they really rolled out the red carpet for him. Family B don’t want the behaviour of the child to spoil their special friendship which goes back years but aren’t sure what to do. Should B just go home and hope it will all blow over or should he and his family back home take a stand and tell his friends that he is not prepared to be spoken to and treated like that and risk the friendship being over? What would you do?

grannyqueenie Tue 09-Jul-19 21:26:00

I wouldn't get involved, that's what I’d do!

GabriellaG54 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:34:22

It's got nothing to do with you so say nothing.
If asked, say that you'd rather they sorted it out for themselves.
After all, they're adults and only family B know what they are prepared to put up with...or not, as the case may be.
You have absolutely no part to play.

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 21:34:53

What are A family (if I’ve understood correctly they are the parents of the devil’s spawn?) saying about the behaviour of the child?
If they are refusing to deal with the little cherub and it’s really horrible for B to stay there then I’d just leave early and make it clear to A that there’s no hard feelings on my part but I recognise it’s a difficult situation for everyone and so the best thing is to cut short the holiday on this occasion —and then I’d kick the little blighter’s shins on the way out—

GabriellaG54 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:37:32

...and I really don't see how you are 'caught up' in a row you were not part of.
Can't they make their own minds up without asking you, who weren't even there?
Gordon Bennett

SalsaQueen Tue 09-Jul-19 21:45:17

It's not involving you, so you really ought to keep out of it. The kid may well be a spoilt brat, but his parents are bringing him up as they see fit. The other friends (group B) could perhaps cut short their stay, but they shouldn't be gossiping about the kid or his parents.

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 21:47:24

Ignore me - I obviously didn’t read it properly, I thought you were asking what I would do if I was in Bs situation.

I’d keep out of it as the other 2 posters have said. If I absolutely had to say something I would just say something vague like ‘it must have been difficult situation for all concerned, I hope you resolve things, but I really don’t want to get involved’

Hetty58 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:54:12

I know that different families have wildly different rules and expectations with their kids. Nobody likes criticism of their parenting skills or their children either. It's natural to defend your child from others (despite lapses in behaviour) too.

So B would be wise to just leave early, I think. You should remain neutral and keep out of it.

Yes, SirChenjin, I do understand the urge to kick (brats are infuriating) but I'd use my disgusted glare instead (well practised to perfection during my teaching career).

GabriellaG54 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:56:25

You were/are right in thinking that the OP asked what we would do in that situ but the truth is that saying what I myself would do has no bearing on what family B chooses to do.
I am not involved nor do I know either family A or B so I decided to reply as I did.

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 22:04:02

I was joking Hetty - I wouldn’t actually kick a child.

willa45 Tue 09-Jul-19 22:08:14

If you are planning on an intervention, that could backfire and only make things worse. It's not your quarrel so best not to get involved.

A and B are adults and they should know better than to get into a squabble over a bratty kid. Better they keep a good sense of humor over all of this than to make an issue out of it. If it gets ugly, you can be assured that the brat will survive the friendship!

You can only hope that the "grown ups" in this case will handle this politely and not allow an unruly child to get the better of them.

suziewoozie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:22:54

Oh dear - that went well didn’t it? I thought I gave enough hints

suziewoozie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:25:53

I won’t give up the day job

janeainsworth Tue 09-Jul-19 22:28:11

Is this an allegory for our leaked diplomatic emails and the reaction across the pond?

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 22:30:14

Is your post about Trump suzie?! That went right over my head, sorry grin

suziewoozie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:31:28

I thought both A and B needed some sensible advice in dealing with the difficult child who’s in danger of spoiling their special friendship.

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 22:34:30

Love it grin

I take it back Hetty - I would happily kick the shins of this particular child

suziewoozie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:36:23

My fault Sir - I did try to give lots of hints re junk food, rolling out red carpet etc etc but clearly a massive fail. I was hoping for amusing tongue in cheek responses as to how to handle the problem and thought the two family scenario would work - it didn't. I just wanted a break from a lot of the crossness that’s around. Better go to bed now. Goodnight ☹️

SirChenjin Tue 09-Jul-19 22:44:08

Oh no - please don’t be sad!! I just didn’t get it the first time, probably because my youngest is 12 and we’re not long out of the whole ‘different families do different (aka wrong) things’ stage. I took it too literally as we’ve had a couple of situations where friends have fallen out because of their respective offspring. It was great to have a laugh at DT and whole sordid business - god knows we need it at the moment 😊

grannyqueenie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:47:37

suzie 😂😂😂

annodomini Tue 09-Jul-19 22:52:07

Very clever allegory, Susie, and very clever of JaneA to suss it out.

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 05:30:34


Aepgirl Wed 10-Jul-19 11:34:45

Stay out of it. You’ll only get caught in the crossfire.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 11:48:41

In the nicest possible way - did you read the whole thread Aepgirl?!

janeainsworth Wed 10-Jul-19 12:53:22

Well susie it seems that B has fallen on his sword and retired injured from the party.

Let’s just hope that A does not have the cheek to demand that, let’s call him N, comes over to play instead.