Hello, I'm not really sure why I'm here tbh or what I'm expecting from anyone. I know that this is a site for grandparents but I'm desperate to understand my mum and her behaviour.
We have 3 beautiful children (the youngest still a baby.) My partner and I are not married so when our eldest was born I forgave my mum for not wanting him on the birth certificate or baby to have his surname (him being Irish she said he could jump on a plane and take the baby.)
11 years later she still makes remarks and is obsessed that the children have British Passports only. We moved last year - 45min/hour from them. I've been told we have devastated them and now my parents can depend on my cousin if they need anything as we are to far away. My mum insists my partners parents say horrid things about her and my dad (quite the opposite in fact) they always invite them to Ireland they have no idea what my mum has said about them. She has told me repeatedly that she is to old now to help - she is 68 and has been saying this the past ten years.
I have always ignored her comments, friends,job, life choices etc as I always had a good relationship with my dad and I wanted us to stick together - I'm an only child and after my mum fell out with one of her sisters and my mum for a long time it was just us.
Just before we had our regular summer trip over to Ireland to see my partners family my dad calls to ask what passports the children have, I said British and he said lovely! I don't know why but I snapped to me he had just validated all the years of my mum saying my partner will leave taking the children with him. I screamed at my dad at how just disrespectful they were being to us and did he think I would let anyone take my children - expecting him to say that's not why he was asking he said do i think he would let anyone take his grandchildren.
That comment has really hurt my partner he has helped my parents so much over the last 10/11 years.
Needless to say since that call the children have facetimed them, I sent her x2 birthday cards - 1 from the children and one from us with chocolates. I've had no call to explain the passport issue or apologies (My partner feels they either dislike him or hate the idea their grandchildren are half Irish??)
I can't sleep I have constant headaches I feel so guilty I have never not spoken to my parents but I cannot have her brake my family - she has never liked any of my friends and I lost a lot over the years after listening to her.
Sorry I have ranted on like an incoherent child I am supposed to be a 40 year old women - I'm just so hurt.
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