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How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

(162 Posts)
FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:10:01

Just wondering when would you expect to first see your grandchild? (Son's child, very young couple living with her mum in walking distance)

If I knew the date of planned c section is it fair enough to not be told personally and just to read about the arrival with photos on a facebook post about 10 hours later?

If at 3 weeks, about 90 mins before your train leaves, you are offered the opportunity to have the baby brought to the train station to meet you if you get a later train than the one you are booked on would you have agreed?

Still not met grandchild at 5 weeks.

Honesty is fine but please be kind.

Pantglas1 Mon 26-Aug-19 17:13:21

Seems a little contrived to say the least FlyingSolo but not sure there’s much to be done about it. Perhaps least said, soonest mended?

KatyK Mon 26-Aug-19 17:14:34

There is another thread under Chat which may help you. It is 'new grandchild'

Marilla Mon 26-Aug-19 17:16:22

FlyingSolo, I am little confused by how close you live to your son. You mentioned walking distance, but later you are travelling by train. Can you give a little more explanation, before advice is offered?

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:16:27

KatyK, I saw that thread. It is what made me decide to post this.

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:18:10

Marilla, I wasn't getting a train to them. I was going away on holiday.

KatyK Mon 26-Aug-19 17:18:49

Oh I see.

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:20:45

Marilla, well more like going away for a short break, rather than a full length holiday but you know what I mean.

mosaicwarts Mon 26-Aug-19 17:24:56

I'm so very sorry to read this. I expect I'll be posting a similar thing when and if my son ever has children. He is fully involved with his girlfriend's parents, whom I've not met. I think he's been with her for eight years now, and I hardly know her either.

Facebook has a horrible way of slapping us in the face, I saw my son in a big 'family' photograph yesterday with his girlfriend's brother being seen off at the airport. I thought he might ring, or come over, as it is the long weekend.

I definitely would not have met my new grand child at the railway station, and hope a nicer venue is suggested when they are less stressed with a new baby smile

Marilla Mon 26-Aug-19 17:28:54

This is a tricky one. I would be so keen to see my new grandchild that I would have gone along with the request. However, privately I would be annoyed that only when I was off on holiday after five weeks of waiting, they decide to bring the baby to see you.
There appears to be a generation of new parents who keep Grandparents at a distance and set firm rules about visiting,
taking the baby out, helping in the early days etc.
Then there are the couples who see Grandparents as an extension of the family and everyone benefits from such a positive relationship.
I read Mumsnet occasionally and my goodness, the attitude towards some very well meaning Grannies is terribly sad and cruel.

Marilla Mon 26-Aug-19 17:29:42

Apologies for the typing errors!

Marilla Mon 26-Aug-19 17:31:30

I saw both grandchildren in the hospital the day after they were born. I appreciate how lucky I am.

KatyK Mon 26-Aug-19 17:40:51

I too was fortunate enough to see my granddaughter a few hours after she was born. That's very hurtful mosaic warts

sodapop Mon 26-Aug-19 17:43:19

FB does seem to cause problems doesn't it. That seems to be the preferred method of communication for a lot of younger people but not so much for us.
It does seem a little odd to introduce you to the new baby in this way Flyingsolo but maybe you can meet up properly after your holiday. Don't get too upset about this, things hopefully will improve later.

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:45:06

Marilla, they wouldn't have even been bringing the baby to me, they were offering to bring the baby to the train station!

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 17:47:05

Sodapop, I was only away a few days, I have been home a week now already.

MamaCaz Mon 26-Aug-19 17:57:16

Dgc 1, not until day 3, but if we hadn't been away at a family wedding that weekend, it might have been sooner.
Dgc 2, born during the night and we saw her in the morning, when we took her 'big' brother (19 months old) home after he'd spent the night at ours.
Dgc 3, first child of our other son, day 2, when Mum and baby were still in hospital following a C-section. DS couldn't wait to introduce us to their new arrival!

I think I have been very lucky. I am happy to go along with whatever my sons and their wives want (my DiLs are both lovely), but they are all generally very considerate.

Marilla Mon 26-Aug-19 17:59:35

FlyingSolo, have you had a difficult relationship with either your son or his partner in the past?
Do you know the other grandmother?

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 18:11:40

Marilla, my son and I were close until he met this young girl last year. I have met the other grandma just the once.

Joyfulnanna Mon 26-Aug-19 18:22:59

Yeah that's really hurtful. I think you should go round with some gifts and see your baby GC.

crazyH Mon 26-Aug-19 18:25:43

Life seems so unfair sometimes.
I have been hurt so many times in the past, that these days I just go with the flow. I have 3 AC, married with children, and they are close to their in-laws. I think I know where I stand in the pecking order.

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 18:26:12

Joyfulnanna, not been invited so can't do that.

FlyingSolo Mon 26-Aug-19 18:28:35

CrazyH, families seem so difficult now, don't they? So many people seem to have so many family problems.

Joyfulnanna Mon 26-Aug-19 18:29:30

Have you sent a new baby card to the parents? They are probably so wrapped up in their baby, they haven't considered what it's doing to you. Sorry for your situation.

gillybob Mon 26-Aug-19 18:30:12

I too was very lucky and met my sons 3 children later the day they were born . I was fortunate enough to be at the birth of my DD’s baby so saw her within seconds . I really can’t understand why the mothers of sons are often treat so badly . It’s like they are made to feel like outsiders . There is NO WAY I would have agreed to meet any of my DGC at a train station . I’m so sorry for you FlyingSolo sad