How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

I understand your point although I think there are probably many excited new grandparents who don't want to control, just want to be involved

I think problems appear when people have different expectations of what involved means. Mismatched expectations. To some grandparents involved means seeing their grandchild daily or weekly. To some new parents and grandparents involvement is seen as something every few weeks. Or vice versa

Neither is wrong, but it can be hard to correct the miss matched expectations.

Summerlove Yup! Understanding and patience and honesty from all involved, in a gentle way, usually helps, although not always sadly

Hithere, all I wanted was people's views on the little bit of the situation I posted in my OP because I was trying to figure out if that bit at least might be considered normal. And I appreciate all the opinions on that, they helped me get perspective on that bit.

I'm happy to chat to anyone who pm's me. However, once I explain even in real life everyone says they really have no idea what they would do (mainly because all possibilities carry a risk) or they are that stuck they say nothing at all.

Gonegirl, I'm not expecting private advice. It is just when people say things that don't apply I think if I explain then they will understand my situation and stop saying things to me that don't fit the situation. I said over and over that I only posted the op to see what people's views are about whether that bit of the situation at least could be considered normal. Many people have answered that which is great and helped me get some perspective about that bit of the situation.

But people keep trying to offer me further advice and I know they want to help and I guess I thought it would be rude to ignore them. But I know really there is no further advice or help any of you could give. Is there any way of turning off further comments on this thread do you know, like you can on facebook? And thank you for wishing me well.

You can’t turn off comments, FlyingSolo, but you could just make it clear that you won’t be looking at the thread or commenting again.

Wishing you all the best.

I did manage to see my first DGD on the day, but then not seen her since my birthday in February sadly because I said something about something else which was misconstrued - my daughter is due again in December so doubt I will ever see that one unless NSDD (Not So Darling Daughter) undoes my banishment, which I doubt and I nit grovelling to her which is what she wants - horrible situation .... she is also I suspect doing something which if it happens will force me to move out of the area completely - in which case I doubt I will ever see my AC's and GC again, as I am getting too unwell to drive that distance now and they don't drive, and it would be far to much money/hassle to come and see me!

I am sorry to hear that MadeInYorkshire. There does seem to be a lot of sadness and heartache caused by families on these boards.

In my experience parents, especially very young ones, can easily feel that us GPs are critical or interfering when we think we’re just trying to help. Possibly someone, the mother or her mother, feels a little threatened by you.
I’d probably send them a nice card from your holiday and arrange for congratulatory flowers or chocolates to be delivered either then or later when you are home.
If the situation allows I might take a gift round, stand back from the door and say, ‘I’m just dropping this off’ so it is clear you’re not expecting to be invited in. I’m wondering whether your only meeting with the maternal grandmother was uncomfortable for one or both of you. The first time I met the mother of the young woman pregnant by my equally young son I was very apprehensive. Luckily she immediately said ‘We’re not angry but we’re disappointed’ which relieved the situation.
I hope things improve for you.
I saw my son’s first 2 babies one on the first day, the second on the second day, in both cases at his invitation to the hospital. His younger 2 I saw after a couple of weeks as they were in another city 100 miles away.
My daughter’s first was very prem, his chance of survival improved day by day. I saw him on the 3rd day. Her other two I both saw the day they were born. My GGD I saw at two days old.

Elrel, I found her mum to be very friendly and chatty, she made me feel included and showed me photos of the nursery on her phone and she seemed very easy to get on with. She was very excited about becoming a grandma and is now a very involved grandma. I also believe she is fond of my son.

It's ok. I know it isn't possible for anyone to really advise or help me with this situation. Talking/moaning about it helps a bit but really there is nothing anyone can do. I'm in a strange sort of limbo. And I have no idea when,if or how it could be improved. I am trying to maintain some sort of relationship with my son and that will have to do. Is it possible I wonder to have a relationship with my son without ever meeting his son? I can be strong. Admittedly I am sick of having to be strong but I can be and to a large extent I will just have to see what path it all takes. I have got to say though that I wish winter and christmas wasn't on the way because I think that is going to be particularly hard this time. But I can't stop the passage of time and can only live one day at a time.

It is now almost 9 weeks since the baby was born. I am still in contact with my son. Just last night he contacted me by messages to have a conversation with me about the play he had seen at the theatre.

But I still haven't seen the baby. To be honest as I have been excluded from it all I haven't even fully got my head around the fact my son has a child. It doesn't seem real. However, this limbo is getting to me and I am thinking it might be best if I just decide that I am never going to be a grandma to this child and to completely give up on the idea meaning that even if at some point I meet the baby I don't want to form any attachment so that I won't just get hurt again in the future by not being allowed to see them. Do you think I am being unreasonable to think like this?

All families are different. I was told not to call on dil without phoning. Now I am on call for babysitting 2 days a week as she went back to work.
Gs 3 I was called in emergency to take gs 2 as other gran had gone to N Zealand. They didn't want her to miss holiday when things went wrong with gs 3 .