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I suddenly wanted my Mum

(72 Posts)
millymouge Sat 31-Aug-19 12:53:23

My mother died some 20 years ago, in her late 70’s. failing health and dementia took her from us. It wasn’t unexpected and really a merciful release. I was in town with DH this morning and a little lady dropped something and as I went to pick it up and we exchanged a few words I suddenly thought of my mum. I suddenly wished it could have been her and I could have easily cried. I lost my last sister a few months ago, I am the last of my family now. My only cousin who was a lot older then me has died without children. I suppose loosing my sister has rather brought it all home to me. I have a lovely DH, 3 great children and 6 grandchildren but my original family has all gone. Sorry to be a bit miserable but mums are special aren’t they.

Marilla Sat 31-Aug-19 13:07:01

Millymougue, you will receive lots of replies from others who also miss their mums. You are not being miserable at all.
These feelings come out of the blue and it hurts so very much. You also lost your sister very recently and the feelings of grief must still be quite raw. I can only imagine the feeling of sadness, being the last of your original family to be alive.
Even when surrounded by grandchildren and a loving family,
we can still feel the grief that comes with losing our own parents and siblings. Allow yourself to look at photos and other mementos; remember happy and sad times and cry if you need to.

GabriellaG54 Sat 31-Aug-19 13:09:20

They are millymouge, they certainly are.
I still miss mine after 25 years. The smell of privet hedges and lilac trees which surrounded her garden and so many other reminders make me glad to have had such a loving mum.
We don't always fully appreciate the the huge part our mothers play in our lives...until we can no longer 'go home' or ring her for a chat.

ginny Sat 31-Aug-19 13:18:31

Still miss my Mum after 26 years. The last week or two have been tough and I would have loved to just had a hug from her. DH is good but men always seem to want to give you a solution or say no point in worrying’. Mums can just hug with no words needed. At least is could.

BradfordLass72 Sat 31-Aug-19 13:25:53

I'm another who misses Mum, it comes in waves!

My Mum and I were often at loggerheads; she was a very demanding, critical person all her life and I have some very bitter memories of things she said and did.

But there was another side to her - she was very witty and had a ridiculous sense of humour.

When my Dad died at 54, she was totally bereft and I felt so sorry for her as he was the love of her life and they were always so affectionate together.

She died in 1992 from cancer at 75 but I still sometimes think, when I see an interesting article or hilarious joke, especially some of the comments on Gransnet Mum would love that.

merlotgran Sat 31-Aug-19 13:31:07

I didn't miss Mum when she died because I was exhausted from coping with her complex care needs and then the travelling backwards and forwards to her nursing home. I was still working and looking after DH while he recovered from a stroke. It was a relief when she died aged 96.

I do miss her now though. I miss her humour, her witty put-downs. She was a great judge of character and generous to a fault. Her grandchildren and great grandchildren adored her.

Brunette10 Sat 31-Aug-19 13:59:41

I miss my mum very much too. No matter what the phone would ring on a Sunday around 11 a.m. - it was mum, no matter how often and when I had last seen her. I try to be like her when my own DD asks for advice or when we are just generally chatting I always say to myself 'now what would my mum say/do'. In the passing of a mirror I get a glimpse and say oh that's just like my mum and it's me smile which I just love. We often talk about her ways and things she said, DD has so many fond memories of when she would stay overnight with gran, share the same bed, have laughs, tell jokes. We all miss her so much, she was a wonderful lady. flowers

Anja Sat 31-Aug-19 14:06:24

I hope I am missed when I go....but not too much.

Grannyknot Sat 31-Aug-19 14:18:30

Hi Milly I was missing my mother recently and coincidentally came across the attached piece. thanks

GabriellaG54 Sat 31-Aug-19 14:27:44

I need a tissue...

Nortsat46 Sat 31-Aug-19 14:35:09

Oh GK, I'm feeling a bit low today and I need a tissue now ...

paddyann Sat 31-Aug-19 14:58:46

My mums been gone 14 years ,she used to call and when I aswered she said "Hello ,its only me "
My phone rang a few months ago and the wee old voice on the other end said exactly that .I managed to speak to the lovely old dear who had dialed the wrong number but I cried my eyes out when I put the phone down .In all honesty I miss my Dad more ,I think because I didn't get to say goodbye to him as he died suddenly in the street .I was with mum right until her last breath but that phone call broke my heart .

Purpledaffodil Sat 31-Aug-19 15:21:06

Grannyknot that made me cry. Thanks for sharing.😘

Shoequeen53 Sat 31-Aug-19 15:24:02

I miss mine more than words can say. I’d give anything I own for an afternoon with her as she was before the bloody dementia got her.

Calendargirl Sat 31-Aug-19 15:39:49

Yes, my mum died 15 years ago. If I was worried or upset about something, work, family, health etc., it was always good to go and offload on her. She couldn’t do anything, but it just felt a relief to chat. DH is not too hot on empathy, though he tries, but is inclined to a head in the sand attitude. Hope my daughter feels she can do the same with me.

Esther1 Sat 31-Aug-19 15:51:28

My Mum died suddenly almost 20 years ago and it was such a shock because it came out of the blue. I think about her a lot but more comparing her with other Mums and the way I am with my own children and grandchildren. My Mum wasn’t unkind but I would describe her as cold - and I could never confide in her as she just wasn’t that sort of person. Never once, ever did she tell me she loved me. Yet I still weep for her - maybe more for what could have been.

LullyDully Sat 31-Aug-19 17:55:32

My mum died 20 years ago at the age of 89. I'd love a chat and a cuddle. Same with my dad. I just miss them being around. They would have loved the grandchildren.

Also my boys were teens and a bit difficult at the time they died so I hope they can see how well they have done.

SalsaQueen Sat 31-Aug-19 18:12:41

I miss my Mum, too. She died, aged 72, in 1995, following a massive stroke. I was 36 then, my sons not yet in their teens. How I wish she'd seen the lovely men they've become.

Liz46 Sat 31-Aug-19 18:27:28

Like merlotgran, I felt some relief when my mum died at the age of 95. The last few years had been very difficult. My aunt told me that eventually I would be able to remember my mum the way she used to be and that has gradually happened and I miss her very much.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 31-Aug-19 19:23:57

My Mum died 2yrs 4mths ago, she lived with us for four months, until I could no longer keep her comfortable and she spent her last 11 days in a wonderful hospice, I had gone home to shower and get some sleep, the nurses promised me that someone would sit with her, unfortunately she died before I got back. I feel guilt ever waking hour, and miss her so much.

It has brought my sister and I closer, but the hole left in my heart is immense. She was the centre of our family, even the children of her ex-husband (my Father) came to her funeral and miss her dearly.

SirChenjin Sat 31-Aug-19 21:58:17

I miss my mum terribly -she died 7 years ago after a missed pancreatic cancer (which I still feel v angry about - the GP made so many errors) and although time has been a great healer there are times when just could just cry. She was lovely, was my mum.

jogginggirl Sat 31-Aug-19 23:18:18

Yesterday, shopping in my local supermarket - I got chatting to a lovely little old lady. She was looking through the magazines and I offered to reach the ones right at the top of the display if she wanted to look at them. She replied ‘ I’m only looking through them my dear, I don’t usually buy.’ She then went on to say how she thought she was shrinking and how her shoe size had gone from a 4 to a 2.5.... I told her how my mum had done exactly the same😢 She was so like my mum, elegant, sweet and friendly, I just wanted to hug her. I miss my mum 😢❤️

Marmight Sun 01-Sep-19 08:39:28

My Aunt, one of my Mum’s younger sisters, died recently and she was the last of that generation. Realising I am now of the oldest generation in our wider family has come as a bit of a shock and I have had a few sad and maudlin thoughts about the lack of a Mum or a family even. Mine died 22 years ago and my Aunt became that mother figure in my life. I’m an only child as was my late DH so apart from my children, grandchildren and a handful of elderly male cousins, I’m basically alone. My daughter’s husbands all have siblings so have ready made extended families for which I am grateful but I have this ridiculous feeling of ‘it’s not fair’ when I see how they all interact and have fun and here I am, watching from the periphery, wishing I had had the same. 😥

Daisymae Sun 01-Sep-19 08:39:56

My mum died after many years of illness and very old age. It took years to recover but I do miss her and just now and then it hits home. The years of illness blanketed the positive memories for a long time but it has lifted now and I can look at old photos and remember happier times.

Fennel Sun 01-Sep-19 09:13:09

My friend and I visit an old lady - 94 - in a care home.
Last week she was fast asleep. She woke up after a while and the first thing she said was "I want to go home to my Mummy".
I miss my Mum too, and appreciate her more as I get old myself.