Just me?

I am pleased to say that my 3 are all OK.

I'm not lying or putting a gloss on. Lip or otherwise

However there has been times when things haven't been OK, especially with my eldest and I worried myself silly.

So I think it's quite normal for you to fret.

Remember that those who are giving glowing reports about their offspring may be putting the best gloss on things or even lying through their teeth for appearance's sake.

Thanks, all. I think I have two issues here. One is them - having such a variety of problems that seem to keep happening, and one is me - my own seemingly atutomatic panic mode way of dealing with these things. Sigh.

Oh dear. I hear you.

I do suffer from anxiety, and, without going in to details, have had, and do have, reasons for fearing more of the worst, but yes, my anxiety does maximise everything. I have to work on that at the same time I have to wonder, legitimately, what next for heaven's sake>

I worry about my daughter, who does not seem at all to be set up for life. But mainly in relation to my GS, who as she is a single parent, will be totally reliant on her once I'm no longer around.

As for her state of mind, I'm afraid I largely shut off my 'worry' mode. My own life is stressful enough. I can't take on board her stuff too, I'd have a nervous breakdown. It does sound selfish I know, but given that she and the GS rely on me financially, it benefits her really that I'm OK.

Mine tend to call me to unload a worry, leaving me to worry in their place. Next time I hear from them they've forgotten all about the worry and can't understand why I worried about it. Is that clear?

As other posters have mentioned, perhaps other people say "doing OK" and don't go into details of all their worries.

I am like that. Occasionally I might mention a worry I have about my children or anything else but I usually keep quiet and present a positive front. Perhaps that could be called deceitful or secretive but it's how I cope.

My post before the last one should have said happiness not kindness.

#agingbrain

One of mine is doing fine. Another is doing fine in her life but never seems really happy. The other one is doing nothing much at all, driving me mad, but is happy as Larry.

Shrug.

It's not your children's responsibility to make you happy

No. But it's not unreasonable to expect adult children to have a care for their kindness.

Think it's called love.

I understand you completely polly and who ever said you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child had it in one
When people ask how things are apart from close friends I say ‘fine all good’ whether it is or it isn’t but it’s only natural to be concerned about things we can’t change for them
Try to keep it in perspective and not get drawn into their unhappiness but I think many of us live through our loved ones lean times wishing we had a magic wand If we didn’t we would be selfish hearted people

in on

It's not your children's responsibility to make you happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness.
They will make mistakes and have problems as do most people and as adults, they will find ways to solve their own problems...or ask for help.
Meanwhile, get a life for yourself and focus on meeting other people.
It's not good or healthy to live in your children's 'pockets', so to speak.
You brought them into this world and gave them the tools to live their lives independently.
Now...let them get in with it.
Love them but don't live and breathe their lives and problems.

I never worry about the children's problems, maybe concerned. But as MOnica asked: are you an upbeat person.

One of the daughters often phones with a concern ( she's not a worrier) or rant about something. I let her rant on and then say: "Well, let's look on the bright side" and come out with one of my dark humour quips. That always has her laughing.

Monica might have a point. Perhaps if you are upbeat and positive in the conversation it might take a different direction and you might all end up more cheerful.

One definition of a bore is someone who, when asked how they are, actually tell you! So people who say things are fine are just choosing not to go into detail and bore the listener. I don’t believe anyone is fine all the time, we just choose very carefully who we share things with.

Pollyj. I ask this question kindly. Are you a bit of down in the mouth person? Expecting the worse and never being disappointed. Your children could just learning from example.

You do not say how old your children are. My DS didn't marry until his mid 30s and was nearly 40 before he became a father. DD has quite consciously decided to neither marry or have children. And at least your problems are fairly minor.

We once had all the news. DD had been seriously injured in a car accident (not her fault). For 5 years we reported her progress each year, Now life is back to normal, she has a minor diability but manages to get on with life. News you can really dowithout. and we do not have much to report at the moment

I don't think everybody who says things are totally ok always really means that everything is. Some people are just more open about family problems than others.

I don’t think men worry about their grown up children as much as we mums.

Well, at least it isn't just me. I seem to be surrounded by people who never report any issues in particular.

Yes. That is something I really need to do. Learn how not to let it take me over. Been down all day, and how does that help anyone?

A friend was only saying on the phone this morning that she is always worrying about her children. I am the same. We have 5 and there always seems to be something to worry about,for 2 or 3 of them! Who would be a mum!!

Boodymum67 not just for our own sanity, but so that they learn to cope without us. We won't always be here for them. And we may need them to be there for us at some stage.

Hi, I think the vast majority of parents worry about their grown up children till the day they slip off this mortal coil.

Over the years, my 2 girls have fallen in and out of love, married and discovered they made a mistake and we`ve helped out when we could...

But hard as it is, we HAVE to step back a bit....let them try to sort their problems out..for the sake of our own sanity.

maybe they play on your anxieties.