One way street for hospitality meal in ites

I agree with others suggest you meet somewhere to eat.
I always ask my friends to do this for another reason,my Husband doesnt have many friends,and when my friends come to visit, he takes over completely, and I end up not having said much to my friend, this way we do get to talk.

I have a dear friend who always comes over here. I'm almost never invited back. I'm not keeping score, though, and I really don't mind as I have more disposable income and I value her friendship!

I'm not keen on hosting. But my friends know this. Thing is we have discussed it many times.

That's the answer. One of my good friends won't leave the house due to anxiety issues so it makes perfect sense for me to go there.

Maybe you could ask her in a jovial way?

But if you enjoy her company I'd not be too worried.

I too feel stressed at the thought of hosting a meal for anyone outside of my immediate family. That does not mean I fail to appreciate my friends who do host, and I try always to pay for meals when we are out to show my appreciation.

As several of our GN'ers have said, please remember there are many kinds of people, and friendships should take into account if not cherish our differences.

Could you ask her quite casually, "Why do we never eat at your place? It would make a pleasant change for me."

Then see what she says.

From what you say, I think your husband is probably right, but I get the feeling that you are not ready to give up on this friend yet, so ask her what the problem is.

My sister-in-law, though a people lover, can never invite others to her home. We went once when she was ill, uninvited, and it is a lovely home to be proud of BUT though she accepts hospitality she totally lacks confidence and cannot even invite us, from overseas, for a cup of coffee. Rather sad! We don't understand but we don't take offense even though she stays with us for extended periods.

Lots of good advice on here, but am surprised at how many don’t like cooking meals for others.
We have friends and relatives who come here usually for around three days at a time to stay, and we go to them at other times.Obviously this involves a few main meals and sometimes lunches ( breakfasts are easy ) so this must mean that you can never have friends to stay with you?

No lemongrass I like having people to stay and feed em but its less formal or pressured I feel than having someone come specifically for dinner

Yes, I think I know what you mean there.In the past we had dinner parties usually for about six people, and the pressure was greater to get things right.I have never minded inviting another couple for a meal though, at any time, even now we do this regularly ( I say ‘we’ but it’s actually me wot does the work.)

8 for dinner tonight in our house.

The trick? Good planning and relax?. The idea is to enjoy the company and have a jolly time.

My next one will be Thanksgiving. Any excuse really.

Like others have said I used to love entertaining. Age and ill health can lessen the ability to do things as we used to.
Someone mentioned discussing price rises. Might be an idea.

I always meet my friends for lunch out, apart from two occasions when I was invited to eat at their houses. They have large, very beautiful homes whereas mine is a tiny terrace with stuff everywhere and, as has been suggested, I would be a little embarrassed to reciprocate. This does make me feel bad, but not half as bad as the stress I would have by inviting them here. By the way they are lovely and not judgemental, it’s just me!

I know how to cater for people. I just dont enjoy it. Would rather go to a restayrant

That's it in a nut shell notanan2

I think we misjudge this - I have friends who are posher than me, who have more money than me and who are tidier/cleaner than me. They all seem to forget and forgive the same as me - why wouldn’t you, as a friend?

To my mind the idea of meeting up with a friend is for both people to enjoy themselves. I dont like cooking meals and it stresses me out, which means if I host then I dread the visit rather than look forward to it. I put this dilemma to one of my friends and she fell about laughing and said she felt just the same. We now always eat out when we meet, or sometimes get a take away.

Another friend likes to invite half a dozen people round to her house about once a month for a fish and chip supper. We pay for our own orders and the visitors take drink so there is no need for any reciprocation. Its good fun, informal and no work for anyone.

I would assume your friend is a reluctant host and switch to meals out or take away, then you can continue to see her.

Or don't have meal type meet-ups, try cake and tea or beer and crisps.

Thank you all.

I definitely would never feel comfortable suggesting we eat at her home. If I have to put her arm up her back I'd rather just accept I have to 'get over it' "or stop inviting her.
We do eat out too but there's many occasions when its been ad hoc so I'm not talking big fancy meals all the time but it just seems natural to say 'crikey is that the time feel free to stay and have a bite with us'. It's always accepted and it's lovely chat.
We are all different and I do want to sustain the friendship so I'm going to just book restaurants but not make any big statement about it..

Bradford Lass - so sorry to read about your friend.

Retired Travel - I wouldn't worry about this. If you enjoy the friendship it doesn't really matter, does it? If it bothers your husband I should arrange to meet your friend outside both your homes and split the cost of the meal.

Do you ever just drop in at her house? The reason I ask is I myself hate hosting, the planning and execution of a dinner party literally reduces me to a mindless mess, but if someone drops by I can function enough to do coffee and cake. Maybe she is like that, or maybe she thinks you enjoy having her over. I don’t understand the whole reciprocal thing. On the odd occasion we do have people over I don’t expect them to bring anything and I don’t do it with the expectation that they will invite us back. And yes we do sometimes have people over lol but my husband writes me a detailed plan of how the evening will go and he cooks.

A couple we know are like this - the man is my husband's friend from his teenage years.

They come to the UK once or twice a year. Every time, we either cook a meal for them at home or we go out for a meal - and often take them out and about in the car too. The husband says "home made food is so much nicer" and never suggests us going out, so when we sometimes say we'll eat out this time, it is accepted that we pay for it.

I'm not fussy about being strictly reciprocal -I think we probably more often have friends for a meal than the other way round. However, to always expect us to cook a meal or pay for a meal out is, I think, presumptuous and discourteous. It isn't really about the money - I wouldn't mind if they at least offered to pay - it's the sense of entitlement that annoys me.

They are, by the way, very comfortably off - travelling to various parts of the UK and Europe during the few weeks that they are based here.

Oh that would annoy me too Eloethan. But I can't think how you would get out of paying..

Bradfordlass sorry about your friend

I don't think it's uncommon, OP. Some people just can't be bothered to cook, or don't want to spend extra money on food.
Only the other day my very sociable dd mentioned friends, a couple, who regularly call round and are almost always asked to stay to eat. Dd and her equally sociable dh have never once been invited to theirs for a meal.
I don't think dd's too bothered, it won't stop her asking them, but she does find it odd.

It's as hoc so for some reason it's always at your place? Possibly then it just feels natural and unforced. I think you are right, you want to continue the friendship so plan to eat out more often. That should balance things up. Friends are hard to find and relationships need nuturing.