One way street for hospitality meal in ites

I’m just off tennis. I play with myDH and two friends.
We’ve played for years and have had supper/dinner many many times.
Always at either our or M’s house.
We are couples, the other friend is single.
We have biggish kitchen/diners, she has a small kitchen.
We enjoy cooking, she doesn’t.
All understandable but occasionally I get a bit irritated.
Wee have discussed it, but an invite never arrives, she always accepts an invitation. She never buys tennis balls either!
However apart from this she is a lovely person, does charity work and is good company. We all have our foibles.

We’ve decided to ask them all round again later this month.

Oh Eloethan your husband's friend does sound very entitledm they should at least reciprocate and pay for a meal out with you. When we come to England the boot is on the other foot because most of the family expect to go out for a meal and for us to pay for it. It would be nice to sometimes have a home cooked meal. One son in law always insists on paying when we go out as he says they dont often see us.

I know how you feel except I am on the other end of the relationship. We have dear friends with whom we spend quite a bit of time, especially in the warmer months. They are the consummate hosts. Welcoming, relaxed, it seems they truly enjoy hosting. We have been to their home 20 times at least over the last few years. Its usually not just our family but others as well. We do however, bring an overabundance food to share (they are always teasing us for it), drinks, desserts, outdoor toys for all the kids, treats for kids, do dishes, man the grill, play lifeguard for the pool and make crystal clear to them how grateful we are for having such great friends and how much we enjoy their company.

We had them to our house last weekend (which went very well) for the 2nd time. The reason is that our house is really not set up for company. It on the smaller side, we have two dogs, I really just don't enjoy it very much.

The situation seems to work for us.

I too understand why a lot of people get very panicked if they have to cook for other than their family members. I'm a bit like that myself - and when you're cooking larger than usual amounts, I find dishes don't always turn out as well as they normally do. BUT if I/we don't wish to cook, I/we will at a later date invite friends out for a meal and pay for it - not necessarily on a strictly reciprocal basis but at least as near as possible.

I think what cannotbelieve..... says they do is, in my view anyway, also perfectly acceptable - to make some sort of contribution to the catering and help in more practical ways. Also the friends to whom she refers appear to be old friends with whom they have shared many happy times.

I think with longstanding friends, we have an understanding of what is and is not OK. Lately, a couple of our friends are less interested in, or confident about, cooking. But we have known them for many years and understand how they feel. It is not an issue for us and we are quite happy to cook for them without expecting them to do likewise.

The friends I was previously talking about have only come back on the scene in the last four years or so and I find it difficult to be so accepting of their expectations that we will host them on each of their visits to the UK - and as to the husband's remark that "it's much nicer to eat at home - so much more relaxing", I think "Yes, for you maybe but not for us."

I have a dearly loved friend of 30 + years . I would say she is my best friend ...but , in all those years I have never had a meal at her home . I once had a cup of tea and a jam sandwich when I locked myself out but that is it .
In the early days , before the advent of the coffee shop , she would turn up at my house , always early at least twice a week. I never went to hers . Coffee shops meant she didnt come to mine anymore for coffee but she has been for meals , parties, dinners , Christmas, weddings etc etc .
A few years ago it began to upset me and I stopped inviting her to meals but still met for coffee.
I know she hates hosting, cant cook , doesnt have a tidy home etc and I understand we are all very different.
I've got over that now and just let things be as they are and have been and no doubt will be forever more !