Manners; where's thank you notes gone!

Bradfordlass...

No 100% not....I'll need to work hard for my halo ? to shine that bright
My impression is it came to you naturally. I aspire to your unreserved good will.

Who knows if the relationship between guests at a wedding and the bride and groom will be ongoing?

Even friends drift apart.

So true SirChenjin - how many times were we reminded as children to say thank you for everything and anything regardless of whether we actually liked the gift! Isn’t that where ‘it’s the thought that counts’ comes from?

I agree with you on everything apart from the class element - there are rude people in every class.

If I send a gift or money then I don't expect a handwritten note, but I do expect a WhatsApp message or text or whatever just to let me know that it's arrived. I sent my cousin and his wife an outfit for their baby 5 months ago and have had nothing from either of them. I was bought up to acknowledge gifts - my mum always used to say that if someone had gone to the bother and expense of sending me something I should thank them and I've instilled that into my DC as well. It takes all of 30 seconds to text or message someone.

If someone bought a gift for my baby however indirectly it happened I would send a thank you acknowledgement. The gift is for my child and I would not expect my parents to deal with this.

If there isn't an ongoing relationship with a bride/groom I wouldn't have someone as a guest at a wedding.
Gone are the days when friends of the parents outnumber the friends of the couple.

I need to give with no expectations or need for gratitude

Of course, doesn't that go without saying? Any other way is highly ungracious.

Our family must be old-fashioned then.

annep yes, we received and bought presents for new babies of friends, neighbours, and their new grandchildren even though this wouldn't be continued for birthdays and Christmas.

If you are a guest at a wedding you are seeing the couple.

Babygifts:
If you are visiting the baby
If you cant visit because of distance you are close enough to be able to call/ask the parents about the baby and show an interest in it. Directly.

Notanan2 and annep1...
Agree with you both... ☺️

Where I live buying for a new baby as a one off is quite common.

two sons in law and a daughter in law always had a gift and a card from me on their birthdays. I never got a thank you so last year I decided enough was enough, now they just get a card.

A gift should be acknowledged in any form, I believe. One thing I will say for hand written notes... where do you find someone's address these days? In Canada the local telephone book used to be the go-to for looking up addresses.
Now that most people have cell phones and no land-line the numbers/addresses are not posted anywhere. So if I wanted to send a note to the Paulsens' who lived in Smallville, I used to be able to get an address, but now I cannot.

Again very interesting...

So do you feel its inappropriate for presents to brides and grooms if the guest is friends of the parents but doesn't have an ongoing adult relationship with the bride or groom.

If a grandchild gift does come, its from the neighbout to you IYKWIM.

The previous gift didnt come from the new baby's parents and they may not want to take the baton IYKWIM. They may feel it obliges them to reociprocate.

I have friends with grown kids and have an adult relationship with some but not with others. Once they are grown you arent their friend by default if you are friends of their parents. But you may be if you have developed an adult to adult relationship with them.

My closest friend's AS I loved like my own as a baby. He has no interest in being friends with his mums friend now, which is fair enough.

Interesting....
Notan2
I think you make an excellent point..
I have another grandchild imminently due and I'm sure a gift will come its way from our neighbour via us...
Then will be the perfect opportunity to run it by them... In a tactful approach of course.....
I won't say its OTT of them to give a gift but I'll run the theme of your thoughts by and see what feedback I get...

& did your neighbour say nothing when you handed it over?

Sounds like you are friends with the grandparents not the baby's parents.

When was the last time you spoke on the phone to the parents of the baby?

As a general rule, if you havent and are unlikely to visit or call, exchanging gifts is OTT.

They may be "thank you" people generally, but in this case dont want to encourage the cycle of gift & christmas cards with someone they dont have an adult frirndship with (you drove him to school as a CHILD? & now he is grown & youre an aquaintance of his parents). Because once started its hard to break it and it just feels wasteful and insincere. They may even have told their parents to discourage it but their parents didnt pass that on.

Behaven...

Asking for money.... I'm cringing at that...
If a guest wants to give money then fine but to ask.....
Is crass the right word...

No way would I expect a thank you card, but a phone call, text, Whatsapp message definitely

Notanan2

Yes I used to run the father of the new baby to school. He was a childhood friend of my children. They sent a present too. His parents sent via us a present for my new grandchild at that time.

Interesting and noted that you find that all a little or very OTT. Never for one thought it unusual.

The last time I gave a substantial amount of money at a wedding I didnt get a thank you until it was spent. It was spent about a year later. Then I got photos of what it was spent on and a quite long note about it.

Much nicer than Thank.you.for.the.gift. generic card IMO.

I also have a friend who doesnt do formal thank yous but will always use/wear/display my gifts and talk about them when I see her. Which is lovely.

Give 'em a chance for the dust to settle

Wedding thank yous take more than a month. They are often part of the photography package and take longer to arrive. Wedding thank yous usually do come but in the following months not weeks.

We were invited to a wedding and the bride and groom asked for money. Not our way of doing things but we gave a nice amount. A month on and no thank you. I think it is such bad manners .

I would think that if its just the grandparents you have a relationship with, a card for them saying congrats on becoming a grandparent would be far more appropriate.