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unexpected response to a telephone call

(28 Posts)
sunseeker Thu 28-Nov-19 14:49:53

My late DH ran his own business and this morning I received a phone call from one of his suppliers asking if we would like to order from their new stock. I explained that the business had ceased trading as DH had died 8 years ago. When I hung up I immediately burst into tears!

I realise the company had no way of knowing - although not receiving an order for 8 years should have told them something - and they immediately apologised. What I can't understand is my reaction to that phone call - I am not particularly depressed and thought I had come to terms with his death - but obviously not completely.

NotTooOld Thu 28-Nov-19 15:03:35

Sorry to hear that, sunseekeer, but I think it's entirely understandable. I don't think we ever become entirely reconciled to the death of a loved one. Hope you are feeling better now.

kathsue Thu 28-Nov-19 15:17:08

I don't think you ever completely get over the death of a loved one.
I lost my DH and DD 13 years ago. I'm doing well but occasionally something comes out of the blue and knocks me for six.
Hope you feel better now -- sometimes it's good to have a good cry.

crazyH Thu 28-Nov-19 15:25:36

So sorry Sunseeker - and all those who are missing loved ones this Xmas. Kathsue, hope you're coping ok flowers]

luluaugust Thu 28-Nov-19 15:31:20

Coming out of the blue I guess it was complete shock Sunseeker. I don't think one ever gets over losing a loved one flowers

Nonnie Thu 28-Nov-19 16:17:59

I rather like that you had that reaction. I hate the idea of not feeling upset when reminded of my losses. Perhaps you let something out that you were repressing.

Yehbutnobut Thu 28-Nov-19 16:18:02

No time limit on feeling flowers

vickya Fri 29-Nov-19 10:20:03

They were probably desperate for orders and trawling through clients from the past. Hopefully some nice memories will not surface for you to enjoy about your husband and you'll feel better.

sunseeker Fri 29-Nov-19 10:44:51

Many thanks for all your kind comments. It's true you don't ever really get over the loss of a loved one - I just wish I could experience one of his wonderful bear hugs again!

Legs55 Fri 29-Nov-19 11:00:23

It's often years later when something happens like your phone call catching you unawares that this sort of reaction occurs, I don't think constantly about my DH, I was widowed almost 7 years ago at age 57, a memory on facebook the other day which I had posted 2 days before he went into Hospital brought back bittersweet memories. Yours is a natural reaction flowers

annemarg Fri 29-Nov-19 11:10:34

My husband died in August, and I, too, miss his big bear hugs! Also walking hand in hand. I really miss that and his company of course.

Kim19 Fri 29-Nov-19 11:27:11

There's no accounting for the trigger of emotions. Sounds like there was a lot of love there. Long live love!

jannxxx Fri 29-Nov-19 11:30:30

it was a trigger and its still raw, and it was probably a shock hearing someone ask for your late hubby, go easy on your self, x

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 29-Nov-19 11:33:59

Oh sunseekerwe widows all understand how you feel. I was told that it's the little things which trip you up because you're looking out for the big things - so true.
Time doesn't really heal, it just trims off the raw edges. flowers

MawB Fri 29-Nov-19 11:46:20

Can I share one with you which made me both 😡 and 😢 at the time, but in retrospect was quite funny. Two years ago when he died, I cancelled Paw’s subscription to The Catholic Herald but because it was annual, the actual renewal date wasn’t until March- 4 months later .
So I got a reminder in March, which made me quite cross so I emailed repeating that I had cancelled and why.
I got a reply
It was headed “Change of address” - well that did it! I just blew up at them and said that as a Christian publication if they knew that Paw‘s “address” was other than where I thought he had “gone” , I would appreciate their sharing it with me.

4allweknow Fri 29-Nov-19 12:39:05

Can empathise. Bobbing along then something almost irrelevant pops up and you are in bits. I can be rummaging in stores enjoying the day out and bang! I am almost in tears. It's normal apparently, the loss doesn't go away, it only dims. Hope you are back on track.

M0nica Fri 29-Nov-19 13:01:01

My sister died nearly 30 years ago.

A few years ago by chance I met someone who had worked with her quite a lot. The circumstances of the meeting were such, that I mentioned the job she used to do. to explain my involvement with this particular charity. He looked at me and said 'Was I.T. your sister?' and when I said yes, he began to sing her praises how he had enjoyed working with her, projects they had done together and how devastated he had been when she died. He spoke as if her death was recent. His tribute was totally unforced and genuine.

I managed to keep the tears in for the rest of the meeting, but once I got back to my car, I cried for the whole half hour journey home.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 29-Nov-19 13:20:23

It was a shock, I don’t think you ever get over losing a loved one so perfectly understandable, sorry to hear you had the phone call, Hope you are ok

Kartush Fri 29-Nov-19 13:25:26

I think it is the unexpected that will bring back the feelings of grief, in our everyday life we are fine, we have dealt with the things that can trigger a reaction but when something comes out of left field we are not prepared, have no shield against it in place and I don’t think there is a time limit on this. My father died 30 years ago and yet last week I was watching a movie that reminded me so much of him that I found myself crying

cornergran Fri 29-Nov-19 13:30:29

As others have said there’s no time limit on grief. Be gentle with yourself sunseeker. It’s not the day for pressure.

pinkquartz Fri 29-Nov-19 13:39:22

I feel your response to cry is so natural.
we never stop having the deep feelings for loved ones who have died.
the memories are still intact and our feelings never die.
I feel they live on in us.

Aepgirl Fri 29-Nov-19 14:34:16

This is perfectly understandable, sunseeker. My husband left me about 13 years ago, and I have rebuilt my life well. However, every now and then. I find myself in tears quite unexpectedly. I think when you have been deeply hurt, the hurt gets hidden and just occasionally rears it’s ugly head.

Conni7 Fri 29-Nov-19 15:11:48

I had the same experience a few days ago when I took out the Christmas cards. This is my third Christmas without my husband. He loved Christmas and the list in his handwriting made me cry. We have to learn to live with it, but every so often.................................

leeds22 Fri 29-Nov-19 16:21:57

I understand how you felt. Many years after my father died in Leeds General Infirmary I was walking down the hospital corridor and realised I was outside the ward in which he died. I suddenly felt all the grief I had failed to feel when he died (he was very old and frail).

Hetty58 Fri 29-Nov-19 16:27:40

It surprises us when we suddenly have these strong feelings - and demonstrates how much is stored away in our minds. I was walking the dog one day and saw a former work colleague of my late husband. 'How's J and the kids?' he said. I was so shocked that he didn't even know!